13 Stupid Questions with ANTHRAX

        For those about to FARK, we salute you!  If you came here from FARK.COM, and like this interview, check out more “13 Stupid Questions” HERE or on our homepage.    Since 1981, Anthrax has had more lead singers than Van Halen, been pressured to change their name, and had the worst [...]

Doctor advises pregnant lady not to play in the forest, run from bears.

There’s something going around right now called the Swine Flu. I’m not sure if you’ve heard about it. Forgetting for a moment that the normal flu kills 40,000 people in the US alone every year, we’d like to interrupt your regularly scheduled needless kvetching over the newest media-fueled over- hyped calamity to bring you a [...]

Major League Baseball authorizes new performance-dehancing products to combat steriod use

  Major League Baseball is in full swing right now.  However, nothing captured the headlines more than the offseason steriods scandal of Alex Rodriguez.  To hopefully shed some light on the situation,  RUFKM recently got the chance to sit down with Victor Conte, founder and president of Bay Area Laboratory Co-operative (BALCO). VICTOR: Thanks for having me, Acorn [...]

The exciting finale of “Bad things don’t come in threes, they come in twelves”

(Part 2 of 2.  To read part 1, click HERE.) The next Monday I got a call from Saab saying my baby was ready. Awesome news! I had to pay only the $500 deductible. So off to the bank I went to get my money. I had to go during working hours due to the [...]

Bad Things Don’t Come in Threes, They Come In Twelves

So, a couple Fridays ago, I’m driving to work from my ex boyfriend’s house (we have amazing sex and I can’t stop doing it even though it effects my heart in a major way), and a semi’s tire de-treads in front of the car that’s in front of mine. Said car quickly and instinctively swerves [...]

Air biscuits, giant burgers, and wedding dresses traded for hockey tickets

  Here is everything you need to know about the world in the last 7 days from our Twitter contributor Ceon Foosheys.  These are all real stories, mostly involving sporting shenanigans.  I highly recommend the Air Biscuit article.  I already bought three. Make sure to watch the video.  Passing air biscuits is now fully socially acceptable [...]

RUFKM Porn: I only sleep with Democrats

This is a story from one of our freelance contributors named “SonnyGirl.”  She is known for her obsession with vampires, insane political views, and wardrobe malfunctions at weddings.  Here’s a tale from who we affectionately call “Tits Mcghee.” I Only Sleep with Democrats … again. Republicans shouldn’t be allowed to have sex. Case in point, [...]

M-ass-ter Cleanse

The following is a classic post from Sonnygirl, an RUFKM Army member whose entire contribution to this site is…. this post.  Apparently she is only inspired to write when she is starving from drinking lemon juice and having extreme problems with her digestive system.  Sonnygirl, we enjoyed this post so please do something else ridiculous [...]

Bike Shorts AKA “Heck’s Angels”

I’ve been, with some obvious trepidation and annoyance, observing a curious phenomenon in the suburbs of late. It is the rise of the “biker gang”. No, I’m not talking of the biker gangs from the 70’s like the Hell’s Angels or their likeminded ilk cruising the boulevards to the glorious roar of their V-Twins amplified [...]

RUFKM Quiz: What’s green, smells bad, and will KILL YOU?

I’m about to do something here on RUFKM that has never been done before. An occasion so momentous, so stupefying in its’ audacity, that this website will be shaken to the very foundation! What is this landmark event you ask? I, TylerDFC, the power behind the RUFKM throne will finally FINISH A STORY. I know, [...]

Houston, we have a problem: E.T. is not an idiot

Great, here we go again. Another wacko coming out and proclaiming that aliens are invading the earth and randomly performing anal probing on unsuspecting humans, eviscerating livestock and creating magical designs in our corn fields. But wait, this isn’t any wacko but former astronaut but former Apollo 14 crewmember and one of only 17 people [...]

The Great Boondoggle Answers Your Questions

As one of the key, and as many of our more astute readers have already discerned, only talents at RUFKM, Captain Boondoggle receives a tremendous amount of fan mail at rufkme@gmail.com which to date consists primarily of wedding proposals, requests for money and, worst of all, generally inane and superfluous questions.