Sharp Teeth – The war on terror comes home.

Sharp Teeth Cinema Craptastique review by TylerDFC I very seriously considered turning Sharp Teeth off several times. While Cinema Craptastique is dedicated to judging crap films, Sharp Teeth is SO terrible that it barely qualifies as a movie at all and functions more as a torture device. The plot has something to do with a [...]

The Legend of Obama Burgundy: His teleprompter works 60% of the time, all the time

It is a well documented fact that President  Obama takes his teleprompter EVERYWHERE.  He doesn’t just use it for speeches, but takes it to interviews, meetings, etc.  According to sources the times he has NOT brought his teleprompter with him, his speeches have been awful and he even enunciates the wrong words and says the [...]

13 Stupid Questions with Jason McMaster of Broken Teeth, Dangerous Toys

The economy has taken it’s toll on many industries, but nobody has been hit harder than the publicity department at Broken Teeth LLC. It is quite sad, but this company cannot even afford plastic cases or original copies of it’s artists music. Broken Teeth is one of several lesser known bands playing on Shiprocked, a rock and [...]

U.S Cargo Ship’s features include cruise control, Somali pirate repellent

There are many signs that I will soon wake up, look out my bedroom window, and see a dragon peeking through my blinds. With a slightly disturbed look, the dragon will stare at me standing shirtless in my blue penguin-patterned-pajamas, give me a quick wink, bash his head through the wall, open his mouth of [...]

RUFKM Porn: I only sleep with Democrats

This is a story from one of our freelance contributors named “SonnyGirl.”  She is known for her obsession with vampires, insane political views, and wardrobe malfunctions at weddings.  Here’s a tale from who we affectionately call “Tits Mcghee.” I Only Sleep with Democrats … again. Republicans shouldn’t be allowed to have sex. Case in point, [...]

The Trident Stick of DOOM

There are no lack of flavor choices when you are standing in line waiting to check out at your favorite Walgreen’s, Target, or gas raping stations. Over the years my favorite brands have included Cinnamon and lately –Orbit orange chunks of joy. One day, I guess I didn’t look carefully enough at my selection because, [...]

An Open Letter to Governor Sarah Palin from TylerDFC

Dear Governor Palin, First of all, congratulations on getting through the debate. I’m sure it was a nerve wracking experience and I don’t envy you for a moment. That said I’d like to bring up some thoughts I had while watching you last night. 1. Please stop referring to American constituents as “ Main Street [...]

An Ode to Our Fallen Knights of Lactase

Ah…The milkman. A man that delivered milk to your house… as a job…that he got paid for. What kind of world was it to live in that didn’t include a fully stocked supermarket loaded with every manner of dairy product known to civilized man? My lord, can you imagine? The horror of going without my daily carafe of milk, or pint of sour cream.

The Day I lived a Cliche

“Kill two birds with one stone” “Think outside the box” “The straw that broke the camel’s back” Ah, cliches. You can hardly make it through a day without hearing a few. My fiance uses them all the time. When she meets people she should ask  “Do you speak Cliche?” It’s pretty much her second language. [...]

Yes, I pulled the f—ing handle!

Earlier this week I awoke and went about my daily routine . I get up ridiculously early so my daily routine consists of brushing my teeth and trying not to fall asleep in the shower. Then I dress and head downstairs in pitch blackness with the stealth of a ninja at 5am so as not [...]

Piss Biscuits Solve Local Couple’s Argument

  I love my wife. Ok, Ok…….I can hear the snickering all the way over here in my little corner of cyberspace. I know what you’re thinking. The Dark Lord’s spouse caught him wasting endless amounts of precious time on a blog that Sheriff Cannon and Deputy Boondoggle think is the second coming of Esquire. [...]

Sweet Catherinette……

I found myself doing something I never imagined doing; writing nonsensical, somewhat trivial and always frustrated observational stories on a blog. Sort of a mentally challenged Jerry Seinfeld if you will. A special Olympian of poorly written stories about animals, jackassery and assorted tomfoolery. Obviously not something that a mother would brag to her friends [...]