U.S Cargo Ship’s features include cruise control, Somali pirate repellent

There are many signs that I will soon wake up, look out my bedroom window, and see a dragon peeking through my blinds. With a slightly disturbed look, the dragon will stare at me standing shirtless in my blue penguin-patterned-pajamas, give me a quick wink, bash his head through the wall, open his mouth of [...]

Dark Horse Album Review: 11 New Nickelback Classics!

Let it be known that Chad Kroeger is a horny Canadian motherfucker. I know this because I can smell my own (minus the Canadian part) and I also conducted painstaking research that led me to this conclusion.  My first clue that the lascivious lead singer of Nickelback highly enjoys vagina and throat love can be summed [...]

Hammerhead of the Gods: The Offspring’s Deep Thoughts

Over the last few months while flipping through the rock channels of my Sirius radio and marveling about their stock price of 35 cents (not an exaggeration), I occasionally heard snippets of a song called “Hammerhead” by Offspring.  It was very catchy but the only words I really could make out due to the high [...]