Hot Garbage

When you glance at the picture to your right, the first thing that instinctively pops in you mind is that this man needs FREEDOM! This is true but what this man really needs is a shower. Let me explain: In modern times, we all have a morning ritual that involves a multitude of products for [...]

How to get FREE Starbucks!

These are tough economic times.  Everyday you hear about how many billions of dollars are spent but, just like everyone, you’re thinking:  Where’s my personal bail out? Well, RUFKM has you covered.  The “Latte Factor” has hit Americans hard and they have cut out such luxuries like Starbucks out of their budget.  Not the editors [...]

Dark Horse Album Review: 11 New Nickelback Classics!

Let it be known that Chad Kroeger is a horny Canadian motherfucker. I know this because I can smell my own (minus the Canadian part) and I also conducted painstaking research that led me to this conclusion.  My first clue that the lascivious lead singer of Nickelback highly enjoys vagina and throat love can be summed [...]

RUFKM added to newest edition of Urban Dictionary!

Besides providing hilarious entertainment on an (almost) daily basis, selling our 3 millionth shirt, and warning the globe about the risks of ferret ownership, there is yet another sign that RUFKM Worldwide, Inc. is poised for global domination:   Our trademarked acronym of RUFKM has just been added to the newest edition of the Amazon Bestseller [...]

TylerDFC’s Favorite Songs of 2008 (according to his iTunes)

Like most of the writers on RUFKM I am a pretty big music freak and this is my Best of 2008 Music list. Before you all go running for the hills I’m happy to say it’s not quite what you think. Of course, when has anything at RUFKM been normal? No, we (meaning I) are [...]

RUFKM Headline: Illinois Governor Loves To Say “Fuck”

The following is an unedited version of some choice quotes from the Illinois governor who thought Obama’s vacant Senate seat made him a game show host on “Let’s Make a Deal!” It also shows that when you try to pull off a scam of epic proportions you should maybe not call from your office and [...]

Westboro Church Sues RUFKM

Stumble It! To understand why A CHURCH HAS SUED RUFKM, it is advised to check out our epic battle vs. Westboro at HOMO: The Beginning and HOMO : This Means War. These are the (so-called) Baptist wackos behind the God hates Fags campaign whose leader, Fred Phelps, regularly shows up at soldiers funerals wearing a [...]

Into Thin Air: The Boondoggle Expedition Company

One of the great fringe benefits of having a career in which you get to fly over 100,000 miles per year, mostly international, other than being stuck in a seat by the assorted incessantly talking wacko for a twelve hour flight to China, is that you get to read a lot. When I say a [...]

Metallica and McDonalds! Together at last!

This has to be the greatest video ever. Metallica has just partnered with McDonalds, a psychotic stuffed bear with 17 foot arms, about 1,000 of their dancing friends, and a birthday that has simply gone wrong! They sent this new video for the last track of Death Magnetic called My Apocalypse to the RUFKM headquarters [...]

Appetite For Deconstruction -Chinese Democracy Review #1

Why are we are doing an album review on RUFKM? Because the title of the GNR‘s new album should be: “AXL’S SHENANIGANS.” Amazon.com Widgets Let’s get one thing straight before I begin this review. I do not want this to be a Guns N’ Roses history lesson — but we need to put a few [...]

RUFKM’s Mailbox of Insanity

We continue to receive massive amounts of Grade A ridiculousness, heapings of homage and ample dosages of insanity at rufkme@gmail.com that occasionally make us laugh out loud but normally make us run for cover, out of abject fear and horror, to the nearest bunker for safety. But none has been as deeply disturbing, filled with [...]

Hello! Your Government Here!! Have you made awful decisions in life? Don’t worry, we’ll bail you out!

Hello! How are you doing? This is your government speaking and I would like to talk to you about a few pressing issues.  Do you have no ambition in life? Are you a blood sucking leach of society? Have you made the business decisions of someone who thinks 2 + 2 = Jello? Have you [...]

Barack Hussein Obama Elected 44th U.S. President. Really?

Barack is our new president.   Whether you voted for him or not, there is only one socially acceptable response after hearing this fact: All together now……… Are You F—ing Kidding Me? Well, it looks like America really likes Greek columns, infomercials (The Sham-Wow is incredible), celebrity endorsements, and hated George Bush (we all did). [...]

Fair and Balanced Politics: RUFKM Style

I have to admit, this has been the most entertaining election EVER. This is an easy statement for me to make as I usually have little to no interest in politics. However, during this round of foolishness I have watched every single debate, SNL skit, and actually conducted research on the actual FACTS regarding each [...]

Monkeys & Muppets: Our Financial Crisis Explained

Our current economic state (recession) can be overwhelming and difficult to comprehend as your 401K gets reduced to the street value of a half-eaten Twinkie.   As RUFKM Worldwide Inc. is one of the Internet’s top sources for financial news, we dispatched two of our drop dead gorgeous interns to research this subject. Luckily, they [...]

99.9% chance the driver next to you has no insurance

There are many clear indications that the driver next to you has absolutely no insurance. If they choose to swerve towards you in traffic and the only way to avoid them is to go directly into a ditch, choose the ditch. Dirt is softer, Mother Nature carries better liability coverage, and you will avoid an [...]

M-ass-ter Cleanse

The following is a classic post from Sonnygirl, an RUFKM Army member whose entire contribution to this site is…. this post.  Apparently she is only inspired to write when she is starving from drinking lemon juice and having extreme problems with her digestive system.  Sonnygirl, we enjoyed this post so please do something else ridiculous [...]

RUFKM : Quenching the Planet’s Thirst for Knowledge since 2008!

Since the beginning of time, man has been an inquisitive beast on an endless quest for knowledge. This pursuit led to scientific and artistic achievements like the invention of the wheel, the Polio vaccine, landing on the moon, Garbage Pail Kids trading cards, the ShamWow! and, of course, the Freedom Rock commercial.    RUFKM is proud [...]

SNL Palin vs Biden: Our 19th YouTube Post of the week!

This is the most pointed and on target one yet. For an actress that has never done that many impressions in the past on SNL you get the feeling that Fey was just born for this role.   The dude playing Biden is spot on with his huge capped chompers and hair plugs.  He also really, [...]

Palin Vs. Biden Vs. Billy Madison Vs. Ms. South Carolina *UPDATED*

It’s Vice President Debate time! Oh my gosh! Oh my golly! It seems like only yesterday that I hunkered down with the family with a nice bowl of gruel and we all cozied up next to the Zenith to witness our nation’s future. I’m sorry. I’m suffering from the writing prose of TylerDFC. Moving on. [...]

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