Not locking bathroom door at work leads to shame, emotional scarring

I always knock on bathroom doors. I didn’t always do this, but I have continued this courteous tradition for almost 10 years. Sometimes people simply forget to lock the door, or the lock is broken. This current tale of insanity involves a backstory of WHY. Let me begin.

Bored out of their minds, Alaska hosts mustache and beard contest

There are many contests that make my mind melt.  Hot dog eating contests and the Olympic “sport” of trampolining come to mind first. However, these events are nothing compared to the pure insanity of what happens when you are a resident of our 50th state, Alaska.  When you’re sick of killing moose, driving around in [...]

13 Stupid Questions with the Charm City Devils

Let it be known that John Allen, lead singer/songwriter  of Charm City Devils, is one cool dude.  Somehow, his interview actually made the writers of RUFKM enjoy Charm City Devils’ debut album, So Let’s Rock and Roll, even more.  It’s one of those interviews that make you root for the band to succeed on their way to world domination. [...]

13 Stupid Questions answered by…umm… The Answer

About a year ago while perusing a local “classic rock” station a sound both strangely familiar but entirely new began to emit from the speakers of my car. I immediately lunged towards the volume knob to crank the volume to 11, proceeded to sing like a fool while simultaneously banging my head like a crack-addict. [...]

13 Stupid Questions with Al Jourgensen of Ministry, etc.

We have had endless debates at the RUFKM headquarters of who would be best suited for candidates for our world famous “13 Stupid Questions.”  However, since we began this series of ridiculous Q&A, one man was always at the top of the list. Al Jourgensen, best known as as the founder and frontman of the recently [...]

Extreme’s Album Porno graffiti: The Crystal Pepsi of Rock

I recently dusted off a copy of Extreme II: Pornograffiti. I hadn’t listened to the album in about a decade.  I remember that I owned this album for over a year before the steaming turd of “More than Words” was unleashed on society.  This reminded me about the importance of branding.  The first impression you have with a product or service [...]

The Origin Of Obama

Everyone loves an origin story.  Spiderman, The Hulk etc., comic books and superhero movies are famous for them. Here’s another one: David Plouffe is being the best political campaign manager EVER and the proof is that Obama is able to take a huge daily dump in the White House bathroom. David is  the dude pictured to [...]

Clowns to the Left of Me, Molesters to the Right

Ever wonder about what hijinks your obnoxious neighbor is up to? It’s bad enough simply trying to avoid them on a daily basis, but being subject to their inane questions is almost to much to handle. A brief summary of some of the more ridiculous questions I’ve been exposed to recently: “Is it hot enough [...]

The Internet: Now with 250% more Truthiness*™

It happens to the best of us, I know. You are sitting at your computer, blissfully opening email. Caught up in the suspense and excitement that comes from such a task. “Who is writing me today?” you may wonder. More importantly, “Do they have pharmaceuticals available for purchase from Mexico?” “Can I get weapons grade [...]

RUFKM’s Mailbox of Insanity

We continue to receive massive amounts of Grade A ridiculousness, heapings of homage and ample dosages of insanity at rufkme@gmail.com that occasionally make us laugh out loud but normally make us run for cover, out of abject fear and horror, to the nearest bunker for safety. But none has been as deeply disturbing, filled with [...]

Hello! Your Government Here!! Have you made awful decisions in life? Don’t worry, we’ll bail you out!

Hello! How are you doing? This is your government speaking and I would like to talk to you about a few pressing issues.  Do you have no ambition in life? Are you a blood sucking leach of society? Have you made the business decisions of someone who thinks 2 + 2 = Jello? Have you [...]

Barack Hussein Obama Elected 44th U.S. President. Really?

Barack is our new president.   Whether you voted for him or not, there is only one socially acceptable response after hearing this fact: All together now……… Are You F—ing Kidding Me? Well, it looks like America really likes Greek columns, infomercials (The Sham-Wow is incredible), celebrity endorsements, and hated George Bush (we all did). [...]

Boondoggle Endorses McCain

This is the worse election ever. Not only does it seem like the longest election cycle that mankind has ever been forced to endure, but we are left with a Morton’s Fork of a baritone speaking man-child whose greatest accomplishment to date is that he is running for president and an angry old guy whose [...]

M-ass-ter Cleanse

The following is a classic post from Sonnygirl, an RUFKM Army member whose entire contribution to this site is…. this post.  Apparently she is only inspired to write when she is starving from drinking lemon juice and having extreme problems with her digestive system.  Sonnygirl, we enjoyed this post so please do something else ridiculous [...]

An Ode to Our Fallen Knights of Lactase

Ah…The milkman. A man that delivered milk to your house… as a job…that he got paid for. What kind of world was it to live in that didn’t include a fully stocked supermarket loaded with every manner of dairy product known to civilized man? My lord, can you imagine? The horror of going without my daily carafe of milk, or pint of sour cream.

Black Water Rising

After a recent review of Switzerland’s Pure Inc., we’ve received a tremendous amount of emails calling us traitors, Swiss-loving chocolate eaters and uniformed about ROCK in the U.S. Black Water Rising proves that real rock is not dead.

Heteros for Homos: Attack of the Homophobes

Today is a great day. No, make that a grand day. Quite possibly the best day of my life. We’ve received hundreds of emails at rufkme@gmail over the past several months but none greater than the one we received today from the Westboro Baptist Church in response to a recent post and our call to [...]

Heteros for Homos- RUFKM Vs. The Westboro Baptist Church

RUFKM needs a cause.Fortunately for our RUFKM ARMY cadets, while Cannon harasses our fans on Facebook, TylerDFC performs obscure historical research on the Gulf of Tonkin incident for his next post, and The Dark Lord is doing, well, we’re not quite sure, your esteemed Captain is out doing the important stuff for you. All important [...]

Houston, we have a problem: E.T. is not an idiot

Great, here we go again. Another wacko coming out and proclaiming that aliens are invading the earth and randomly performing anal probing on unsuspecting humans, eviscerating livestock and creating magical designs in our corn fields. But wait, this isn’t any wacko but former astronaut but former Apollo 14 crewmember and one of only 17 people [...]

Craig’s List Chronicles: Bring me the head of Craig Newmark

Before I moved last year, I have to admit that I was completely oblivious of the world famous Craig’s List. I had sold my prized possessions through EBay several times but never stumbled across this marvelous economic environment.

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