Year of the Ferret (part 1)

Enjoy the first of a 3 part RUFKM Classic.  The finale, Part 4, is finally being written.  In the meantime, refresh yourself with one of the greatest stories ever told.      Authors Note:  “Some tales of idiocy are just too epic and incredible to be contained in one post and I respect your ADD. Remember: It’s funny because [...]

Cannon Goes to Europe, Causes International Incident

RUFKM, Inc. Chief Executive Clown, Loose Cannon is currently embarking on his first ever trip to Europe without the comfort and protection of adult supervision and his obnoxious Tickle-Me Elmo doll. This has caused me great joy beyond all belief, not the least of it due to the fact that he does not believe his cell [...]

Not locking bathroom door at work leads to shame, emotional scarring

I always knock on bathroom doors. I didn’t always do this, but I have continued this courteous tradition for almost 10 years. Sometimes people simply forget to lock the door, or the lock is broken. This current tale of insanity involves a backstory of WHY. Let me begin.

The Legend of Obama Burgundy: His teleprompter works 60% of the time, all the time

It is a well documented fact that President  Obama takes his teleprompter EVERYWHERE.  He doesn’t just use it for speeches, but takes it to interviews, meetings, etc.  According to sources the times he has NOT brought his teleprompter with him, his speeches have been awful and he even enunciates the wrong words and says the [...]

13 Stupid Questions with Jason McMaster of Broken Teeth, Dangerous Toys

The economy has taken it’s toll on many industries, but nobody has been hit harder than the publicity department at Broken Teeth LLC. It is quite sad, but this company cannot even afford plastic cases or original copies of it’s artists music. Broken Teeth is one of several lesser known bands playing on Shiprocked, a rock and [...]

Shark Zone – Adventures in stock footage

By TylerDFC Danny Wagner: “I hate sharks, they suck.” Jimmy Wagner: “Yes, they do.” I like to take notes when I am watching movies so that when I sit down to write about them I won’t be forced to make stuff up off the top of my head. While watching Shark Zone I began to [...]

13 Stupid Questions with Drowning Pool

A few weeks ago, we were given the opportunity to interview Drowning Pool’s “lead singer of the week”  Ryan Mccombs.   Drowning Pool is playing at this summer’s Cruefest 2 with previous “13 Stupid Questions” participants Charm City Devils. However, all the band members look like convicted felons and do not look like they can [...]

13 Stupid Questions with Atarilogic

Yo. While most (read: all) of our “13 Stupid Questions” interviews have been geared towards hard rock, our staff has a diverse taste in music — especially artists with a great sense of humor.                                         So, [...]

Jani Lane of Warrant hates Internet, prefers telegraph, smoke signals

There are very few times when our request for our “13 Stupid Questions” interview is refused from a band’s management/publicist.  Sure, we get the occasional decline, but most artists are thrilled to participate in a series of questions that don’t bore them to death like most interviews. However, one rock star has proven to be quite elusive. Is it Kid Rock? [...]

13 Stupid Questions answered by…umm… The Answer

About a year ago while perusing a local “classic rock” station a sound both strangely familiar but entirely new began to emit from the speakers of my car. I immediately lunged towards the volume knob to crank the volume to 11, proceeded to sing like a fool while simultaneously banging my head like a crack-addict. [...]

13 Stupid Questions with The Last Vegas

Have you ever asked yourself: “What would Motley Crue sound like if they did not have Vince Neil stumbling around the stage incoherently mumbling the lyrics to their greatest hits and instead hired Josh Todd of Buckcherry as their lead singer?” No. How about dreaming of a band that redefines sleaze, brings back the Sunset Strip in all its glory and offers original and insightful [...]

Axl Rose and Best Buy negotiation revealed for failed Chinese Democracy release

Last November, Axl made the decision to have Chinese Democracy ONLY AVAILABLE at Best Buy.   At that time,  Loose Cannon, Captain Boondoggle, and TylerDFC, the braintrust and majority stockholders of RUFKM Worldwide Inc., each reviewed the album for your reading pleasure: Appetite for Deconstruction Use Your Delusion Welcome to the Bungle That was then, this is [...]

Shark Attack 3: Megalodon – AKA BEST SHARK MOVIE EVER!!!*

“You know sharks, they are always biting things.” – Ben Every now and then a movie comes along that is so bad, it becomes good. This happens pretty rarely. Usually when someone says a movie is “bad”, they really mean “average’. Unfortunately, a true cinematic travesty is as hard to find as a good Adam [...]

13 Stupid Questions with Al Jourgensen of Ministry, etc.

We have had endless debates at the RUFKM headquarters of who would be best suited for candidates for our world famous “13 Stupid Questions.”  However, since we began this series of ridiculous Q&A, one man was always at the top of the list. Al Jourgensen, best known as as the founder and frontman of the recently [...]

Extreme’s Album Porno graffiti: The Crystal Pepsi of Rock

I recently dusted off a copy of Extreme II: Pornograffiti. I hadn’t listened to the album in about a decade.  I remember that I owned this album for over a year before the steaming turd of “More than Words” was unleashed on society.  This reminded me about the importance of branding.  The first impression you have with a product or service [...]

The Gyno Chronicles: Double P, Discharge, and Decadence (Part 2)

  This is part 2 of “The Gyno Chronicles.”  Read Part 1 HERE.  I was glad to see I had a new lesbian “gyno” who was in love with me. She had the biggest boobs I’ve ever seen in my life. She was a bigger woman in general, but her rack was monstrous. After she [...]

The Gyno Chronicles: Double P, Discharge and Decadence

Why is it that every gynecologist I’ve ever had is intent on making me feel uncomfortable? It’s truly their mission in life. I stopped going to my regular gyno because of this miserable little fact. I had him for several years and liked him well enough. He knew all about my sex life and everything [...]

Trent Reznor does NOT want to fuck you like an animal – Concert Review 5/08/09

There are few things more powerful than an entire crowd booing. I heard just that last night at the kickoff of the Nine Inch Nails/Jane’s Addiction “NINJA Tour” in W. Palm Beach at Cruzan Amphitheatre. 20,000 people began booing at the end of Nine Inch Nails set combined with a chorus of “Are You Fucking [...]

13 Stupid Questions with ANTHRAX

        For those about to FARK, we salute you!  If you came here from FARK.COM, and like this interview, check out more “13 Stupid Questions” HERE or on our homepage.    Since 1981, Anthrax has had more lead singers than Van Halen, been pressured to change their name, and had the worst [...]

Defective banana hammocks, magical ponies, and the Bobby Knight bitch slap

Here are all the  ”RUFKM?” moments in  sports.  These are compiled weekly from Ceon Fooshey’s constantly updated Sports Twitter on the side of this page.  Also, check out his spectacular site by clicking on the monkey with a baseball bat or click HERE.  Also, if you happend to be from the Netherlands and are thinking about [...]

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