Shark Attack 3: Megalodon – AKA BEST SHARK MOVIE EVER!!!*

“You know sharks, they are always biting things.” – Ben Every now and then a movie comes along that is so bad, it becomes good. This happens pretty rarely. Usually when someone says a movie is “bad”, they really mean “average’. Unfortunately, a true cinematic travesty is as hard to find as a good Adam [...]

Child receives Photon instead of Lazer Tag in 1986, still feels socially isolated

RUFKM would like to proudly introduce our newest contributer, the Acorn King.  Although he once wrote for Carrot Top, we have allowed him to join our club.  He is now listed under the author tab above and has a section called Acorn King’s Chaos.   Here is a tale about a Christmas gift that has [...]

Air biscuits, giant burgers, and wedding dresses traded for hockey tickets

  Here is everything you need to know about the world in the last 7 days from our Twitter contributor Ceon Foosheys.  These are all real stories, mostly involving sporting shenanigans.  I highly recommend the Air Biscuit article.  I already bought three. Make sure to watch the video.  Passing air biscuits is now fully socially acceptable [...]

Men Are From Mars

Today at the gym with over 285 pounds of cold hard steel delicately perched above my chest, I had a brief, almost fleeting, moment of clarity and horrific self-awareness.  One of those singular life-changing moments in your life in which you are forced to question your own mental sanity and ask yourself “Am I F—ing [...]

Sick and Tired

I’m sick. Not in a going-out-on-the-town-in-a-Little-Bo-Peep outfit-stalking-coeds-so-I-can-stab-them-in-the-eyes-with-a-screwdriver sick, but a cough-cough-hack-hack-groan-ugh-leave-me-the-fuck-alone sick. I don’t know how I got this way. I was fine, then the weather changed and now it feels like I have an anvil on my chest, my throat is lined with razor blades, and I have the attention span of Loose Cannon [...]

There’s no “I” in team!

Have you ever met a real life Michael Scott from the Office? Well I have. He’s a manager in my region, speaks only in cliche and chest bumped me yesterday. Here’s his paraphrased conversation.

Autograph of the Gods

Being the great Captain Boondoggle is exhausting.   But of course with such greatness, comes even greater responsibility. Responsibilities that include answering the emails, letters and other assorted requests of my ever-growing fanbase of Boondogglites. To stay ahead of the curve and to determine what next burden my celebrity status will bring me, I’ve been [...]

RUFKM : Quenching the Planet’s Thirst for Knowledge since 2008!

Since the beginning of time, man has been an inquisitive beast on an endless quest for knowledge. This pursuit led to scientific and artistic achievements like the invention of the wheel, the Polio vaccine, landing on the moon, Garbage Pail Kids trading cards, the ShamWow! and, of course, the Freedom Rock commercial.    RUFKM is proud [...]

O’Reilly and Barney Frank: Separated at Birth

Is there anything more satisfying, deeply disturbing or entirely hilarious as today’s cable news? To get the very best of this lunacy, I only go to the one and only, fair and balanced, undisputed champion of all things absurd, Fox News Channel. As luck would have it, I found myself watching the O’Reilly Factor the [...]

The Day I lived a Cliche

“Kill two birds with one stone” “Think outside the box” “The straw that broke the camel’s back” Ah, cliches. You can hardly make it through a day without hearing a few. My fiance uses them all the time. When she meets people she should ask  “Do you speak Cliche?” It’s pretty much her second language. [...]