Wednesday, April 1, 2015

“Do you like cheese?” Classic phone prank now a major motion picture

August 21, 2010 by  
Filed under RUFKM Classic

This article was originally published almost 2 years ago.  It’s popularity rose to such heights that we were contacted by xtranormal.com to use our script in their marketing efforts.  Here is the movie and the original article that inspired it.  Since you are probably reading this at work we have posted two version of the […]

Boondoggle and the Bees: The Six-Day War

August 20, 2009 by  
Filed under RUFKM Classic

Bees Suck. They suck even more when you happen to be one of those unfortunate individuals that when you’re stung by one of the little terrorists you blow up like Martin Short in Pure Luck and then die a slow and agonizing death. I’m Martin Short. Not in the way that I have no career, […]

The Legend of Obama Burgundy: His teleprompter works 60% of the time, all the time

July 25, 2009 by  
Filed under Politics

It is a well documented fact that President  Obama takes his teleprompter EVERYWHERE.  He doesn’t just use it for speeches, but takes it to interviews, meetings, etc.  According to sources the times he has NOT brought his teleprompter with him, his speeches have been awful and he even enunciates the wrong words and says the […]

Bored out of their minds, Alaska hosts mustache and beard contest

June 19, 2009 by  
Filed under Loose Cannon's Shenanigans, New Content

There are many contests that make my mind melt.  Hot dog eating contests and the Olympic “sport” of trampolining come to mind first. However, these events are nothing compared to the pure insanity of what happens when you are a resident of our 50th state, Alaska.  When you’re sick of killing moose, driving around in […]

Purchased a Dell? Welcome to Hell.

June 15, 2009 by  
Filed under Loose Cannon's Shenanigans, New Content

I recently contributed to our economy by purchasing a Dell laptop computer.  We had an HP laptop that was quite battered after 5 years from my wife’s business and the crazy amount of papers she has to write for grad school.  Because of this, she had started using my iMac.  This was an unacceptable situation […]

Axl Rose and Best Buy negotiation revealed for failed Chinese Democracy release

May 27, 2009 by  
Filed under Loose Cannon's Shenanigans, Music

Last November, Axl made the decision to have Chinese Democracy ONLY AVAILABLE at Best Buy.   At that time,  Loose Cannon, Captain Boondoggle, and TylerDFC, the braintrust and majority stockholders of RUFKM Worldwide Inc., each reviewed the album for your reading pleasure: Appetite for Deconstruction Use Your Delusion Welcome to the Bungle That was then, this is […]

The Greatest Telemarketer Phone Prank Ever: “What Does A Police Siren Sound Like?”

April 10, 2009 by  
Filed under Boondoggle's Chestnuts, New Content

 The mind-boggling antics employed by Captain Boondoggle’s Do You Like Cheese? telemarketer phone prank has resulted in the incessant calls to Boondoggle’s Bungalow to vanish faster than Gene Simmon’s fake hair after a shower.   Apparently, the Boondoggle’s Do You Like Cheese? routine’s brilliant obfuscation causes utter panic in the minds of the lesser telemarketer […]

GNR releases slew of new albums, most involve banjos, harps

March 22, 2009 by  
Filed under Music

Inspired by Cannon’s recent posts on long-forgotten musical gems in the world of rock, I decided to go on my own fishing expedition to find a long ago cast aside album that I too could possibly rediscover and add to my superb collection of hair metal silliness.     With the risk of RUFKM becoming a […]

RUFKM senses world Nookie crisis, reunites Limp Bizkit

February 27, 2009 by  
Filed under New Content

Where has the great, all knowing, positively spectacular, monkey-hating, mocker of all things, ruggedly handsome, cunningly charming, refreshingly hubris lacking Captain Boondoggle been? Rehab? No. Solving the pet monkey crisis? Not yet. Resurrecting my childhood acting career? No. Better than all those things, plus a few you haven’t yet thought of, combined. I, the Glorious […]

Dr. Feelgood’s Bar & Swill

February 9, 2009 by  
Filed under Music

Cannon and Boondoggle walk into a bar. Not just any bar, but the fabled and much hyped Vince Neil owned and sponsored “Dr. Feelgood’s Bar & Grill” in West Palm Beach, FL (www.drfeelgoodsbar.com). A quick puddle-jump in the RUFKM Corporate jet brought Captain Boondoggle to take in the sights and sounds with Cannon of the […]

Oscar confirmed to be an F—ing idiot

February 6, 2009 by  
Filed under TylerDFC's Tomfoolery

Holy Kung-Fu Panda shit, where to start? Well, let’s just get this out of the way first. This will be the lowest rated Oscar telecast EVER. You heard it here people and if I’m wrong I owe you a nickel. Proving once again that the members of the Academy of Motion Picture Wankery are complete […]

Dark Horse Album Review: 11 New Nickelback Classics!

January 15, 2009 by  
Filed under Loose Cannon's Shenanigans

Let it be known that Chad Kroeger is a horny Canadian motherfucker. I know this because I can smell my own (minus the Canadian part) and I also conducted painstaking research that led me to this conclusion.  My first clue that the lascivious lead singer of Nickelback highly enjoys vagina and throat love can be summed […]

Women are from Venus: The History of Dick Glitter

January 12, 2009 by  
Filed under Dark Lord's Lair

There are many unsolved mysteries in life and things that occur in nature that simply cannot be explained.      1. Global Warming 2. The Bermuda Triangle 3. Dancing with the Stars The greatest scientists, sociologists, and jackassorists, could break down the above for the rest of eternity but they would never be able to produce a […]

RUFKM Scientifically Proven to be Wise Asses!

December 27, 2008 by  
Filed under Boondoggle's Chestnuts, The Legend of RUFKM

That’s right, bitches! According to the scientific blog analysis site as listed above, RUFKM.NET has achieved a reading level of COLLEGE (POST-GRAD)! And it’s all a result of the mastery of the English language that your Lyrical Maestro Boondoggle provides to you free of charge. As stated in our mission statement, we take our tomfoolery […]

Westboro Church Sues RUFKM

December 9, 2008 by  
Filed under Boondoggle's Chestnuts

Stumble It! To understand why A CHURCH HAS SUED RUFKM, it is advised to check out our epic battle vs. Westboro at HOMO: The Beginning and HOMO : This Means War. These are the (so-called) Baptist wackos behind the God hates Fags campaign whose leader, Fred Phelps, regularly shows up at soldiers funerals wearing a […]

RUFKM’s Mailbox of Insanity

November 16, 2008 by  
Filed under Boondoggle's Chestnuts

We continue to receive massive amounts of Grade A ridiculousness, heapings of homage and ample dosages of insanity at rufkme@gmail.com that occasionally make us laugh out loud but normally make us run for cover, out of abject fear and horror, to the nearest bunker for safety. But none has been as deeply disturbing, filled with […]

Boondoggle Endorses McCain

November 2, 2008 by  
Filed under Boondoggle's Chestnuts, Politics

This is the worse election ever. Not only does it seem like the longest election cycle that mankind has ever been forced to endure, but we are left with a Morton’s Fork of a baritone speaking man-child whose greatest accomplishment to date is that he is running for president and an angry old guy whose […]

RUFKM is added to Wikipedia … and then banned for life

October 30, 2008 by  
Filed under The Legend of RUFKM

As we find ourselves to be very important people and a vital part of American history, we added Loose Cannon’s and Captain Boondoggle’s biographies to Wikipedia. Things went… poorly.

Autograph of the Gods

Being the great Captain Boondoggle is exhausting.   But of course with such greatness, comes even greater responsibility. Responsibilities that include answering the emails, letters and other assorted requests of my ever-growing fanbase of Boondogglites. To stay ahead of the curve and to determine what next burden my celebrity status will bring me, I’ve been […]

RUFKM : Quenching the Planet’s Thirst for Knowledge since 2008!

October 5, 2008 by  
Filed under The Legend of RUFKM

Since the beginning of time, man has been an inquisitive beast on an endless quest for knowledge. This pursuit led to scientific and artistic achievements like the invention of the wheel, the Polio vaccine, landing on the moon, Garbage Pail Kids trading cards, the ShamWow! and, of course, the Freedom Rock commercial.    RUFKM is proud […]

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