U.S Cargo Ship’s features include cruise control, Somali pirate repellent

There are many signs that I will soon wake up, look out my bedroom window, and see a dragon peeking through my blinds. With a slightly disturbed look, the dragon will stare at me standing shirtless in my blue penguin-patterned-pajamas, give me a quick wink, bash his head through the wall, open his mouth of [...]

Air biscuits, giant burgers, and wedding dresses traded for hockey tickets

  Here is everything you need to know about the world in the last 7 days from our Twitter contributor Ceon Foosheys.  These are all real stories, mostly involving sporting shenanigans.  I highly recommend the Air Biscuit article.  I already bought three. Make sure to watch the video.  Passing air biscuits is now fully socially acceptable [...]

TylerDFC pulls out his stimulus package, lays it on desk

Dear President Obama, members of government, foreign leaders, and the media: After the last $800B dollars you invested in our economy seems to not be doing a damn thing to help the situation I think it is time for some radical steps. News everyday is the stock market is crashing to its lowest levels in [...]

Sharks in Venice: Steve Baldwin’s best work!

    By TylerDFC I love me a bad shark movie. Something about the sheer ineptitude in all aspects of the production that the filmmakers bring to the genre makes them a true treat for bad film aficionados. Don’t get me wrong, most Direct-To-Video (henceforth called DTV) flicks make the worst episode of Xena-Warrior Princess look [...]

There’s no “I” in team!

Have you ever met a real life Michael Scott from the Office? Well I have. He’s a manager in my region, speaks only in cliche and chest bumped me yesterday. Here’s his paraphrased conversation.

The Trident Stick of DOOM

There are no lack of flavor choices when you are standing in line waiting to check out at your favorite Walgreen’s, Target, or gas raping stations. Over the years my favorite brands have included Cinnamon and lately –Orbit orange chunks of joy. One day, I guess I didn’t look carefully enough at my selection because, [...]

An Ode to Our Fallen Knights of Lactase

Ah…The milkman. A man that delivered milk to your house… as a job…that he got paid for. What kind of world was it to live in that didn’t include a fully stocked supermarket loaded with every manner of dairy product known to civilized man? My lord, can you imagine? The horror of going without my daily carafe of milk, or pint of sour cream.

HFH3: Boondoggle Bites Back

As many of you already know, due to a recent exquisite series of posts Heteros for Homos: Part 1, and Part 2, and questioning the mental capacity of the Westboro Baptist Church, we have been threatened with legal action by said group of rabid chimpanzees. In a remarkable sign of humility coupled with a bad [...]

Matt Damon: Political Analyst of the Gods

I just can’t take it anymore. I’ve tried not to engage in frivolous conversations about the upcoming presidential election, but I’ve reached my breaking point. This particularly dull point is Matt Damon. I have, luckily, been able to avoid all things Damon for quite some time now, but recently he has taken up political punditry [...]

RUFKM Quiz: What’s green, smells bad, and will KILL YOU?

I’m about to do something here on RUFKM that has never been done before. An occasion so momentous, so stupefying in its’ audacity, that this website will be shaken to the very foundation! What is this landmark event you ask? I, TylerDFC, the power behind the RUFKM throne will finally FINISH A STORY. I know, [...]

RUFKM Celebrity Interview #1: Catherinette Singleton

NEWS FLASH!  RUFKM is dedicated to provide breaking news and this story is fresh off the wire.  Our “Week of War” will continue with part 2 of our Saga of Sludge tomorrow — or maybe it won’t since it’s Labor Day weekend.  Deal with it.   Enjoy this spectacular intermission!  At RUFKM.NET we are committed to [...]

Craig’s List Chronicles: Bring me the head of Craig Newmark

Before I moved last year, I have to admit that I was completely oblivious of the world famous Craig’s List. I had sold my prized possessions through EBay several times but never stumbled across this marvelous economic environment.

Sweet Catherinette……

I found myself doing something I never imagined doing; writing nonsensical, somewhat trivial and always frustrated observational stories on a blog. Sort of a mentally challenged Jerry Seinfeld if you will. A special Olympian of poorly written stories about animals, jackassery and assorted tomfoolery. Obviously not something that a mother would brag to her friends [...]

Use Your Delusion

Amazon.com Widgets When the RUFKM offices received an unmarked FedEx envelope with a return address simply marked at “Malibu, CA” we were quite alarmed at first. Could it be another hate letter from the bike racers? Perhaps the Dark Lord had sent us a sample of his own excrement, again. Or perhaps was it something [...]

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