It’s like being good at speed boating, or banging blindfolded hookers. You don’t have to DO anything. It’s just what you ARE.
I’m the guy who used to break into your house in the middle of the night and force you to play Russian roulette with your family before we robbed and burned the place.
February 18, 2011 by JackfnBurton
Filed under Articles By Author, Featured Writer: JackfnBurton, Movies / TV, News, Pop Culture, Real Life, Real Shenanigans, RUFKM Classic, Sort Of New Content, The legend of RUFKM, Things We Weren't Taught in School, Top Picture
Thank you for saving me. You are beautiful and hot, and you are every bit as hot as you are beautiful.
February 10, 2011 by JackfnBurton
Filed under Articles By Author, Featured Writer: JackfnBurton, Movies / TV, News, Pop Culture, Sort Of New Content, Swill Street Stories, The legend of RUFKM, Top Picture
The Lohan rarely appears in films because films are beneath her. Can such genius be contained within the narrow aspect of a theater screen? Can it be confined to two hours? Can it even be scripted?
Sharp Teeth Cinema Craptastique review by TylerDFC I very seriously considered turning Sharp Teeth off several times. While Cinema Craptastique is dedicated to judging crap films, Sharp Teeth is SO terrible that it barely qualifies as a movie at all and functions more as a torture device. The plot has something to do with a [...]
The entertainment industry has been transfixed to the glitz, glamor and controversy surrounding America’s premier remedial dance competition.
In an exclusive computer simulated interview with RUFKM, Mel Gibson opens up about love, life, and the possibility that he might be evil.
For the first time, I realize just what kind of enemy we face. He is an unholy half dead who has seen the Underverse and returned with powers we can’t possibly imagine.
Lindsay Lohan is the greatest creative genius the world has ever seen. She is the very nexus of art, life, death, suffering, ecstasy and infinity itself.
Its not as easy as you think to wear super tight clothes, wet lipstick and flip your hair in front of a wind machine for 16 hours a day.
People say chocolate covered crickets are good too, but that doesn’t mean I am going to run down to the Bug Store and buy a half-pound of them.
Money was nowhere to be found, as businesses worldwide were unable to meet payroll, banks closed in droves and even common citizens were unable to make ends meet.
Oprah wanted to fix us, sort of the way you’d treat cockroaches if you felt the need to train them to accept your power.
The new reboot of the 1983 mini-series (and subsequent failed weekly series) V has been fraught with problems in development. Show runners have left, scripts have been tossed, it has gone on production hiatus twice, and now ABC plans to run 4 episodes in November, wait 3 months, and then show another 4 in March. [...]
Here’s a 90 second review of Tranformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen that comes out on DVD today from TylerDFC. Fun Fact: One of the bonus features reveals that Optimus Prime is a CGI recreation of Micheal Bay’s ego. By TylerDFC Now you too can be bored out of your mind watching every thing on [...]
One thing that has become abundantly clear this year is that Hollywood has no idea what to do with horror movies. The box office failure of Jennifer’s Body and Pandorum will just further that problem. The fallout is that truly excellent horror films that deserve theatrical release are getting the straight-to-DVD treatment, where viewers take [...]
(This post is satire and as such consists of a long rambling mess of nonsense and words randomly strung together that is meant to be a stirring tribute to TylerDFC and his obsession of bad movies. As an added bonus this is Chief Idiot Loose Cannon’s favorite movie and he raves about it constantly!) Eagle Eye: [...]
By TylerDFC Danny Wagner: “I hate sharks, they suck.” Jimmy Wagner: “Yes, they do.” I like to take notes when I am watching movies so that when I sit down to write about them I won’t be forced to make stuff up off the top of my head. While watching Shark Zone I began to [...]
“You know sharks, they are always biting things.” – Ben Every now and then a movie comes along that is so bad, it becomes good. This happens pretty rarely. Usually when someone says a movie is “bad”, they really mean “average’. Unfortunately, a true cinematic travesty is as hard to find as a good Adam [...]
Raging Sharks starts up like all craptastic shark movies should: in space. We are treated to a halfway decent spaceship model doing that “crawl past the stationary camera” move” that has been in every science fiction movie since Star Wars. Soon we cut to an interior shot of a smoky room with 2 aliens [...]