Madonna doesn’t need your love, you sack of shit.

This is what happens when someone has unlimited money and time. Maybe Obama is right, and we should tax rich people out of existence and give their money to the poor for malt liquor and crack pipes.

Warrant Singer Jani Lane Dead at 47 – An R.I.P. Retrospective

Jani Lane – R.I.P. The writers of RUFKM have always found Jani Lane to be an underrated singer/songwriter that simply wrote some great songs during and after Warrant’s heyday. Unfortunately for most he is known as the “Cherry Pie Guy” but wrote melodies and lyrics that were superior to most of his peers – “Heaven”, [...]

Charlie Sheen’s Brief History of Winning

It’s like being good at speed boating, or banging blindfolded hookers. You don’t have to DO anything. It’s just what you ARE.

America Needs Robocop.

I’m the guy who used to break into your house in the middle of the night and force you to play Russian roulette with your family before we robbed and burned the place.

Return of InterBrain: Charlie Sheen Thanks America’s Firefighters.

Thank you for saving me. You are beautiful and hot, and you are every bit as hot as you are beautiful.

Swill Street Stories – Lindsay Lohan and the Deathly Hallows.

The Lohan rarely appears in films because films are beneath her. Can such genius be contained within the narrow aspect of a theater screen? Can it be confined to two hours? Can it even be scripted?

CBRIII-6: Mockingjay – Suzanne Collins

NOTE: Mockingjay is book 3 and the finale to The Hunger Games series. The books are impossible to discuss without revealing the plot of the preceding books so do not read further if you intend to read book one, The Hunger Games or two, Catching Fire but have not yet done so. Although Katniss, Finnick, [...]

Counterpoint – “Alive” Album Review turns into quest rivaling search for the Lost Ark

Counterpoint the Word: “In music, counterpoint is the relationship between two or more voices that are independent in contour and rhythm and are harmonically interdependent. ” Counterpoint the Band: “A group you’ve unfortunately never heard of that has toured across Europe with the likes Daughtry, Shinedown and whose new release “Alive” is chock full of [...]

CBRIII-5: Catching Fire – Suzanne Collins

Catching Fire is book 2 of The Hunger Games trilogy and plot discussion will necessarily reveal story details of The Hunger Games. Review for The Hunger Games can be found here: The Hunger Games Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark have come home to District 12 as heroes. They emerged as co-victors of the 74th Hunger [...]

CBRIII-4: The Hunger Games – Suzanne Collins

After a series of disasters and upheaval the United States falls. In its place rises Panem, an interconnected set of 13 districts, each feeding the ruling city Capitol with their commodities. When the districts rise against the authoritarian rule of the Capitol they are beaten down and district 13 is obliterated. The 12 remaining districts [...]

CBRIII-3: Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk – David Sedaris

David Sedaris newest collection of stories uses anthropomorphized animals to deliver compact fables hitting on very human themes like racism, religion, terrorism, domestic violence, friendship, family, etc. Few of the tales are longer than 6 pages yet each gets its point across in the time allotted and none overstay their welcome. Sedaris is best known [...]

CBRIII-2: A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens

Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol is a classic for a reason. It is simply constructed, but loaded with details and inflections that make the story come alive. I’ve seen most versions of the story told in film. My favorites are the George C Scott movie from the 80’s, Scrooged with Bill Murray, and the Muppet’s [...]

CBRIII-1: In the Woods – Tana French

The mark of a truly great book is one that you both don’t want to end but can’t wait to finish. The kind of story that has your eyes skipping to the opposite page just to get a glimpse at what happens next, because the tension of what you are reading is almost too much [...]

Sharp Teeth – The war on terror comes home.

Sharp Teeth Cinema Craptastique review by TylerDFC I very seriously considered turning Sharp Teeth off several times. While Cinema Craptastique is dedicated to judging crap films, Sharp Teeth is SO terrible that it barely qualifies as a movie at all and functions more as a torture device. The plot has something to do with a [...]

Bristol Palin Defeated by Jennifer Grey, Half-Eaten Sandwich.

The entertainment industry has been transfixed to the glitz, glamor and controversy surrounding America’s premier remedial dance competition.

Exclusive RUFKM Artificial Interview With Mel Gibson

In an exclusive computer simulated interview with RUFKM, Mel Gibson opens up about love, life, and the possibility that he might be evil.

The Beatles Finally Available on iTunes

If you’re not buying your music from iTunes, you’re not buying it from Steve Jobs, which means you’re pissing him off.

Bin Laden Nearly Destroys the Internet.

For the first time, I realize just what kind of enemy we face. He is an unholy half dead who has seen the Underverse and returned with powers we can’t possibly imagine.

Tom Brady Almost Nearly Injured, Gets Paid, Makes Love to Supermodel Wife.

Brady calmly exited his vehicle, removed his workout equipment from the trunk and dashed to practice on foot, his auburn locks glistening softly in the early morning sunlight.

Ozzy Osbourne’s new album “Scream” – The Mumbles of a Madman

Ozzy’s new release “Scream” is a steaming chunk of beheaded bat shit that barely manages a murmur. I’m so disappointed in this effort that I’m not going to even waste my time writing a proper review.