Washington, DC – After a contentious week during which the President delivered his first State of the Union address and debated House Republicans on national television, the gulf between both major political parties showed no sign of narrowing Friday. According to RUFKM Worldwide’s extensive information network, Obama and the Democratic leadership still differ sharply with Congressional Republicans on how best to screw America, with no sign of compromise on the horizon.

Obama soberly addressed the issue in his weekly radio address, which is listened to by hundreds of Americans.

Hey America, you sure got a pretty mouth.

“We are facing economic meltdown, a growing trade deficit, massive debt, crumbling infrastructure, struggling industry and the complete collapse of our banking system. It is obvious to members of both parties that our country is screwed, and there’s no way out of it.”

Obama’s tone became more pointed as he drove the matter home.

“And so my friends, it’s time to burn this motherfucker down.”

In the Republican response, North Carolina Senator Richard Burr partially agreed.

“Foreign powers are taking over our economy, terrorists are trying to destroy our way of life and every country in the world just hates us. People are still not allowed to carry machine guns in public, everywhere you look there are gays making out and hippies are burning flags on street corners while children are not praying in school.”

“It’s been a great run America, but the party’s over.”

A combination of anger and sadness was evident in Burr’s voice as he continued.

“I come from a state with a strong Naval tradition and when the enemy is boarding your ship, it’s time to set the charges and sink the damn thing.”

Both sides agree that America must go out with a bang, but are still at loggerheads at how best to achieve this. Obama laid out the Democratic vision.

“As you have heard reported countless times from unbiased, fair and balanced journalistic outlets like Fox News Channel, the Democratic plan is to screw our country by raising taxes, rampantly expanding entitlement programs and crushing Americans under an ever growing burden of debt and economic hardship. If all goes according to plan, our society will violently tear itself apart from within.”

“But there is still much work to be done,” said Obama. “My sweeping Health Care proposals could easily drive the final nail into the coffin, screwing us all completely. But Republicans prefer to stand in the way of progress, rather than at the forefront of change.”

Burr disagreed. “It’s the same old tax and spend, big government Socialism we’ve heard time and time again, and it doesn’t work. Why not screw America by turning it into a Right Wing Military Theocracy run by greedy multinational corporations, hypocritical Fundamentalists and spearheaded by a crusading military juggernaut, grinding the rest of the world to dust beneath its bone crushing, iron wheels?”

Meanwhile, Democrats brushed off Republican charges of Socialism, calling them misguided and baseless. Majority Leader Harry Reid spoke on this issue late Saturday.

Reid responds to Republican criticism.

“That’s ridiculous. Under a true Socialist infrastructure all methods of production, distribution and exchange are publicly owned. What we advocate is complete Totalitarianism, where the State controls every aspect of life right down to the hair on your balls. You’d think the God Squad would like that.”

Reid then dismissed the perception that he is out of touch with voters.

“Ask any American whether they would prefer a brutal screwing from a faceless welfare state, or a repressive theocracy. I’m pretty sure they’d rather be screwed by social egalitarianism than fundamentalist dogma any day of the week.”

Angrily pounding the lectern, Reid gazed sternly into the television cameras, unaware that nobody was listening because he was being broadcast on C-SPAN.

“Now, did any of that sound out of touch to you?”

In an unsolicited phone call to RUFKM World News Headquarters, former Vice President Dick Cheney bitterly disagreed, his voice oozing with mocking condescension.

“A suffocating, socially prejudiced sectarian state is the best way to screw America. All forms of dissent and independent thought can be ruthlessly crushed, just like when I was running the country! Just imagine – you can think whatever you want to think, as long as it’s what we want you to think. It’s a win/win situation, even if that shit-stain Reid won’t admit it.”

Television pundits weighed in, no less opinionated than their government counterparts who have actual political experience. Gazing lovingly into a mirror, Bill O’Reilly interviewed himself for his Monday night show.

Bill O'Reilly loves himself as only he can.

“Our great nation is not going out alone. This whole stinking, Godless world is going with us. That is why we’re even willing to screw the environment, even though everybody knows the environment doesn’t exist. What more do those freedom-hating Liberals want? Tell me, what happened to the America I knew as a boy, where narrow minded, White Anglo-Saxon gun toting Creationists ran everything and everyone else knew their place?”

“I love you, you know that don’t you?” O’Reilly added, passionately mouthing the words to his own reflection as he seductively loosened his tie.

On rival network MSNBC, freedom-hating Liberal Keith Olbermann responded:

“I think both of my viewers will agree that O’Reilly is the worst person in the world. President Obama has practically had to screw America by himself, while Papa Bill’s Republican friends sit on their hands and pout. Why not get involved? Slash the tires on all the cars, blow up the schools and hospitals and leave big stinky floaters in all the toilets so our new Communist Ovelords can rebuild America from scratch when they arrive to free us from the shackles of Capitalist oppression!”

According to documents obtained by RUFKM News, a half-sober Vice President Joe Biden plans to remind viewers during a Sunday interview with Face The Nation that the Obama Administration has promised to make the gradual screwing of America its top priority, and that it will be so slow and gentle that people will hardly notice it.

“The President has repeatedly offered to wear a condom while screwing the country, and you can look it up,” Biden reportedly will say, despite the desperate attempts of his aides to stop him from saying it.

Palin is a Maverick who enjoys shooting fish with guns. Also, America rules.

“Listen, George Bush did his best to screw the Country and turn the world against us and you know what? I give him credit. Another four years and we’d probably be looking at some real Mad Max shit – nuclear war, hooded freaks in leather riding tricked out muscle cars and fighting with swords in the irradiated desert – it would have been great.”

“But he failed. Now, it’s our turn and by God we’re going to get it right.”

Not wanting to leave any stone unturned, RUFKM News reached out to the four corners of the globe for balancing analysis. When asked for comment by RUFKM Worldwide correspondents in Bethel, Alaska, a vacationing Sarah Palin reacted with her own jingoistic, uniquely eloquent, hard hitting style. In an official statement she responded to Biden’s remarks:

“I like to shoot fish with guns! America rules! I am a Maverick!”

Rest assured that RUFKM News Worldwide will keep you constantly up to date on the ongoing decline of Western Civilization.

Garone's piece of shit Volvo.

“I was sure my ‘Vote for Ron Paul’ sticker would electrify the degenerate, corpulent masses and inspire them to rise up from their couches, turn off their idiot-boxes and join the cause of Liberty, Justice and Freedom” said the misguided stargazer from his Boulder, Colorado low paying office job.

Confident that the concept of Republican Hippies would someday catch on, Garone abruptly ended the interview and dejectedly returned to his job of alphabetizing State Welfare rolls.

Local commuter Lonnie Estey disagreed with Garone.

Lonnie Estey, transfixed by Bill O'Reilly.

“I see that asshole all the time, on the way to work in the morning. I don’t give a shit what a Librarian is. I just think he needs to change his oil. That blue smoke and shit coming out the back of that Commie rattle trap fucks up my allergies. If I ever meet him I’ll put my foot up his ass just like Toby Keith.”

“Inserting your foot into another person’s rectum is an effective way to resolve disputes,” added Estey, taking a break from his obsessive monitoring of Fox News Channel.

Ironically, Estey’s ‘Palin Power’ bumper sticker has likewise failed to change the world, as has the advanced SUX 6000 sedan to which it is affixed.  According to Estey, the United States has not yet transformed into the backward Medieval theocracy he has prayed for.

More on this story as it develops.

As you are probably already well aware, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab (AKA The Panty Bomber, Boxer Burner, Eunuch bomber, Thong Terrorist, Weiner Roaster) “allegedly” on Christmas Eve on a flight from Amsterdam to Detroit tried to detonate a bomb that was embedded in his suspiciously effeminate panties.

Will my rocket launcher fit in the overhead bin?

Of course, there remains some mystery of why young Umar was trying to bomb a city which arguably appears to have already been carpet bombed by a squadron of B-52’s multiple times already, but the really mystery appears to be how an individual that would have only been a more obvious terrorist suspect if he had been wearing a “I Love Osama” T-shirt, carrying an AK-47 while simultaneously screaming “I hate Jews” and “Death to America” while burning an American Flag, was able to get by our crack security forces and board a damn airplane in the first place.

Let’s review.  His father reported him to the CIA as a suspect terrorist.  He voluntarily went to Yemen.  He purchased a one-way ticket with cash and checked no bags to the U.S.  He was on our terrorist watch list.  He was even under investigation by Her Majesty’s Special Service.  He posted vitriol on the Internet expressing his terrorist intentions.

Fortunately our government, when not distracted from trying to save us from the evil insurance companies, fried foods and imminent death from Global Warming, is on the case to protect us from this menace.

How you might ask?  Killing terrorists, perhaps.  No, too easy. Performing a little good-natured water boarding to extract vital information.  Nope, that ship has sailed.  Designated Chuck Norris as the Official Ambassador of Whoopassitan.  Unfortunately, no. Unleashed an army of cyborg killing machines under the control of the computer in Eagle Eye to Yemen.  Nein.

No, they have instead elected to instead engage in a massive coordinated assault of silly talk and creating additional regulations.

Starting with Director of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano who recently proclaimed “The system worked”, and later claimed she was

There is nothing to see here. No, really nothing to see. The system worked.

taken out of context and meant “The system worked after the passengers subdued the alleged panty bomber” then subsequently recanted her recanted out of context remark to say “The system didn’t work”, claims that the situation is now under control.

President-For-Life, Barack Obama decided to then pile onto the silly talk and provide an asinine radio address (Is it 1935 again?) stating that what we know so far is an “alleged suspect” who may or may not be an “isolated extremist” allegedly tried to “detonate an explosive device” onboard a Northwest Airlines passenger jet apparently with the intention of blowing it up.

Fortunately, the TSA, which much to my surprise does not stand for Thousands Standing Around but rather the Transportation Security Agency, has immediately sprung into extreme bureaucratic action after the fact to stop the wholesale combustion of panties on our airlines.   Instead of merely putting us on Code “Brown” they have now decided to spring into action and add more regulations.

Regulations that now include pat-downs, hand-screening of carry-on luggage, some additional scanning lifted from the set of Total Recall to travelers from 14 countries expected of sponsoring terrorism.  Oh, and for the last hour of your flight you can no longer go to the restroom or have anything on your lap including paperback books, computers or stewardesses.

No nail clippers. Check. No shampoo. Check. No shoes. Check. No loose change. Check. OK, you're clear.

Are you f—ing kidding me?

This is the best we can do? I long for the days that we randomly bomb people in retaliation for these types of transgressions.  Or when we referred to these miscreants as “evil-doers”.  When we threatened to “smoke them out” and waterboarded with fire hoses.  Back when Toby Keith was king and freedom rang.

Those were the days.  Those were the days indeed.

Like a body snatcher, Danny's lipsweater has gained control of his coaching ability and he now has a huge craving for oatmeal. The same thing happened to Wilford Brimley.

Hope will get some slack from me as this is his first season and I don’t think it would be fair to talk about him getting fired. This is Purdue after all. But that lipsweater he sports is not a right. That is a privilege.

The mustache Danny Hope has makes him a dead ringer — albeit a generation younger — for former Boilers coach Joe Tiller, who is the patriarch of our current wave of almost good enough football that has us in place where we can be upset with embarrassing losses and not seem like a loon.

Shave it off Coach. Learn to win with a clean face.

Coaches at the high school level often promise their players to shave their head, or bless their hearts, get a mohawk if the team beats their rival or wins the conference title.

Danny Hope needs to make that commitment to us the loyal Purdue fans. And with Purdue’s rebirth on the field, Hope’s mustache can blossom again.

I discussed this issue with Purdue Pete. He said if they continue to lose, he would knock out Danny Hope with his hammer and shave it off himself.

I will continue to watch as I did on Saturday as the Boilers fumbled away another winnable game at Minnesota. I will continue to care as I did at homecoming as Purdue put me through the miserable torture of being gracious to Northwestern fans.

Are you fucking kidding me?  Forget that.  Danny Hope must not stand on that sideline mustachioed for one more game.

Check out other scary lipsweaters at the site LIPSWEATERS.COM.

Here’s a preview.

It is a well documented fact that President  Obama takes his teleprompter EVERYWHERE.  He doesn’t just use it for speeches, but takes it to interviews, meetings, etc.  According to sources the times he has NOT brought his teleprompter with him, his speeches have been awful and he even enunciates the wrong words and says the wrong things.

Which could go a long way toward explaining his horrible lapse in judgement this week.  For those of you who have been living under a rock, here’s the scoop. Following the arrest of prominent African-American Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. for disorderly conduct (after he became incensed at police officers responding to a burglary report at Gates’ home), the President had this to say to reporters that asked him for an opinion:

“But I think it’s fair to say, No. 1, any of us would be pretty angry; No. 2, that the Cambridge police acted stupidly in arresting somebody when there was already proof that they were in their own home; and, No. 3 … that there’s a long history in this country of African-Americans and Latinos being stopped by law enforcement disproportionately.”

Are you f’ing kidding me!? Whether or not the police should have arrested Gates is irrelevant, the President of the United States really shouldn’t be making statements that the “police acted stupidly” when he had no idea what the whole story was. Then he goes on to insinuate the cops were racist . Oh GOOD, this is going to end well. I don’t think I’m overstepping when I say the President just made the worst mistake of his presidency thus far. This thing ain’t going to go away any time soon and he really needs to back away from the whole thing and hope for a big earthquake or something of equal disastertude.

Based on the President’s usual calm and cool composure, especially his knack for NOT doing shit like this, we have to believe that this major PR faux pas was attributed to a faulty teleprompter and/or Al Qaeda hackers.

Now that we have seen what can happen when the President goes off script, we at RUFKM wondered what a hacker could make the President say with a few little updates to his teleprompter, Ron Burgundy style.

So without further delay, The Legend of Obama Burgundy!

– My fellow Americans….. I just queefed.

- The following takes place between the hours of 7pm and 8pm.  Events occur in real time.

– Nobody messes with Joe Biden!  Not even tough mildew stains that you scrub and scrub all day long.  With Joe Biden, those stains come out leaving your shower sparkling and fresh.

– I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.

- Rihanna had it coming.

- I’m a Sawyer man myself but I wouldn’t kick Jack out of bed for eating crackers.  Now Hurley, Ugh.  Get a Soloflex, honey!

- I like cheese.

- Does Obama have to choke a bitch?

- I can see you with my ears.

- In conclusion, my anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hon.

- Congress, I’m feeling a sexual vibe tonight.  I propose we turn off all the lights and play a little game I like to call “Who’s in my mouth??”

- Now if you just turn this graph upside down the stock market is really rising.  See, we just have to look at things differently.

- This is harder than it looked like on the West Wing.

- Where the fuck is is Jack Bauer?

- I love lamp.

- I’m not sure what is so damn difficult to understand.  I’m simply proposing the largest increase in yearly spending the country has ever seen in order to cut our deficit in half by next Easter.  Am I the only one that understands this plan?

- Michelle is a Klingon.  I use her forehead as a full length mirror when I get dressed.

- Rush Limbaugh stole my lunch money.

- This administration will not tolerate excessive pork.  Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.  Excessive pork.

- Yousa people goin’ bankrupt?

- Hakuna Matata, bitches.

- My fellow Americans………. foreign people living here illegally on our taxpayer’s dime…….  terrorists sent here as part of a sleeper cell ready to strike at a moment’s notice…….. tweaking college kids……… and my base of welfare mothers making more income than a third year resident doctor….  Good evening!

- Kneel before Zod.

- Welcome to Fantasy Island.

- The power of Joe’s teeth compels you.

- And you thought W was bad!

– And finally…….. You stay classy, America.

(We must be psychic.  On the front page of the Chicago Tribune, 7/12/09, is an article on the evils of Redflex and other red light camera programs. It’s part of a series with the next focus revolving around the political corruption associated with them.  Are you F—ing kidding me?  We knew we were on to something with this Kwasman character! Read on, more supportive links at the end of this article.  Also, check out www.lipsweater.com )

Due to the nature of my job, I’ve been fortunate enough to travel to more countries than I can easily count.  I’ve been all around the world and seen first-hand many different forms of governance.  I’ve had the eye-opening experience of visiting countries with the populace living under communist rule, self-imposed socialism, military dictatorships, monarchies, and former Eastern-bloc countries frantically gasping their first taste of democracy and the freedoms they have been so long denied.

When returning home after many of these visits when the Department of Homeland Security Agent stamps my passport and declares “Welcome home Mr. Boondoggle”, I smile and a tear wells up as I feel blessed to be born with the inherent liberty and freedom granted to me by winning the lottery of life and being born in the United States of America.

Until now, when my liberty and freedoms are being eroded by the menace of Redflex Photo-Ticketing cameras that have invaded my hometown like a biblical plague.

After writing my most recent brilliant letter to the Photo Enforcement Program (“PHP”), I felt discouraged since I knew that the employees at PHP probably did not grasp the finer nuances of my civil protest.

I had to restore my faith in my country and the ideals for which she was founded upon and which she stands as a great beacon of hope for the entire world.  I needed to reach someone who could rectify this travesty of justice, someone who could change course and restore the ideals of espoused in the Constitution and Declaration of Independence, a politician beyond reproach, a trailblazer like no other, a great American hero.

There was only one man and one mustache; El bigote bandido himself, Mayor Mike Kwasman.

So I fired off the following email regarding the Redflex Red Light Camera system in West Chicago:

Dear Mayor Kwasman and your Amazing Mustache:

As a citizen of West Chicago, I am disappointed by your lack of response to my request to review this ridiculous photo-ticket that I have been subject to as a result of my vehicle taking a legal right-hand turn going South on I59 from Westbound North Avenue.  Today I received further notice after a kangaroo court review stating that I owe this fine and have no recourse other than filing a civil-suit against the City of West Chicago to the Order to the Circuit Court of DuPage County.

I have sent the attached letter (along with the original letter) back to the PHOTO ENFORCEMENT PROGRAM and would like to discuss it with you in person further.  It is rare that a private citizen gets involved with the workings of local government, but this is the type of harassment that causes the public to get involved.  It causes hard-working, tax-paying, law-abiding citizens like myself to stand up for liberty and justice.  It causes individuals like myself to run for political office on anti-photo enforcement and anti-crazy mustache platforms.     It creates disenfranchisement of the citizenry.  It creates distrust of the motives of government officials.  It’s why I’m getting involved and writing you.

I can’t believe this was your intention when originally sponsoring this program.  Let’s talk and see how we can work through this.  What would it hurt to understand from one of your constituents why this program is the wrong thing for the people of West Chicago?

Captain Boondoggle

I sat back and prepared to be disappointed and completely ignored as my last “mayoral pardon request”, but suddenly like a flash a response came back and I’ve included it in its completely unedited form as follows:

Mr. Boondoggle,

I am very sorry about your experience in regards to the Red Light Photo enforcement program. After reviewing  your E Mail, I have decided not respond to sit down and meet due to the “name calling”, immature ” nature of this E Mail. I am suggesting that you contact the West Chicago Police Dept. on matter.

Regards,

Michael Kwasman

There are several things I can conclude from the above exchange.  Here’s my insight and commentary:

1.     Apparently, the ability to write a cohesive and coherent sentence is not a prerequisite for holding public office in West Chicago.

2.     Not surprisingly, the literary devices of satire, sarcasm and irony are completely lost on Mayor Kwasman.  Although I will concede, mocking one’s mustache may be immature, I absolutely did not engage in name-calling.  If I was going to engage in this type of juvenile behavior I would have called him a “parasitic ass-clown” or perhaps a “maniacal mustache Mafioso”.  However, I did not, and will not, stoop to that level.

3.     In a not-so-subtle attempt at intimidation, he attempts to direct me to the West Chicago Police Department.  The police have NOTHING TO DO WITH THESE CAMERAS:  All tickets are issued from camera owners, an Australian company called Redflex.  They give the cameras to West Chicago for free, keep 40% of the ticket revenue, and cut a check to West Chicago for the difference.  Nope, not F—ing Kidding You.  Read the contract between Redflex and West Chicago HERE.

4.  According to Car and Driver, these cameras do not improve safety and may actually increase rear-end collisions.  The police do not support Redflex cameras as the people that they have vowed to serve and protect erroneously assume that they are behind the program,  and furthers public distrust.

5.     Finally and most importantly, Mayor Kwasman refuses to address my very salient points that these Redflex cameras are a violation of my constitutional rights (as many other forward looking states have already determined), a safety hazard and an additional tax meant primarily for revenue generation.

But before this situation gets better…. it gets worse.    One of the other writers on this site befriended Mayor Kwasman on Facebook, mostly to get more candid pictures of his lip sweater for our series of articles.  This friendship lasted less than 24 hours and ended with the Mayor insulting this writer’s mother on his Facebook “Wall.”  Nope.  Not F—ing Kidding You. An elected official did this…. in print!

Stay tuned to “Mustache Wars Part 4 –  Rage of Kwasman”  Also, to amuse yourselves, check out RUFKM.NET’s new project: www.lipsweater.com ! ! !

USA TODAY ARTICLE ON REDFLEX CAMERAS

10 FACTS ABOUT RED LIGHT CAMERAS – CHICAGO TRIBUNE

ACTUAL CONTRACT WITH REDFLEX AND CHICAGO

CAR AND DRIVER ARTICLE REGARDING RED LIGHT CAMERAS

(Since this involves traffic tickets, Skynet, and mustached mayors, it will help to read Part I – Traffic ticket causes Boondoggle to fight Chicago government, crazy mustaches. Or whatever.  )

Many of my loyal fans have demanded an update on my inane quest to rid the world of the menace of red-light ticket cameras and politicians sporting 18th century mustaches. There has been some trepidation that I’ve lost my will to fight these seemingly insurmountable and intertwined foes, but fear not as I valiantly fight on for you. I continue to fight against erosion of liberty, miscarriages of justice and the tyranny of the stache.

I fight for you for the following reasons:

1. Photo-Ticket Cameras are an unconstitutional reach of local government powers designed primarily to extract additional tax from the citizenry.

For obvious reasons, the Khan family changed it's name to Kwasman when they arrived in America in 1837.

2. Photo-Ticket Red-Light Cameras have been proven by numerous independent studies to actually increase rear-end collisions and have absolutely no statistically significant positive impact on safety.

3. Crazy mustached politicians throughout history have caused innumerable death and horrific destruction to mankind. Think Hitler, Stalin, Khan and now Kwasman and you can understand how serious of an issue this is.

So many of you are familiar of my initial travails with the “PHOTO ENFORCEMENT PROGRAM” (“PHP”). I have to admit that I had a faint hope that my brilliant missive to said agency and mayoral pardon request would result in this issue being resolved.

Instead of pilfering money from his citizens, Kwasman could produce revenue by offering lip sweater rides for $5 at the next West Chicago fair.

However, after a month of no response I finally received the response from the PHP stating that my request for dismissal was denied and that my case was closed. To settle I would simply have to send my $100 in 14-days or risk additional dire consequences. To add insult to injury I was informed that my only recourse was to take my fine city to court and file a civil-lawsuit. After paying $290 in court fees, I could possibly recover my $100.

Faced with this conundrum, my first thought was to take a picture of a $100 check and send back to the PHP as payment, but I concluded that this tactic lacked both imagination and the flair of Boondoggle.

Instead I constructed the following letter or reason to the unreasonable PHP:

July 7, 2009

Photo Enforcement Program, Dept #0125
Attn: Skynet
P.O. Box 5905
Carol Stream, IL 60197-5905

Subject: Violation Number #666

Dear Skynet:

Today I received your Gestapo-like response regarding the above referenced alleged traffic violation. Your official “NOTICE OF FINDINGS DECISION AND ORDER” was brilliant in terms of its obvious obfuscation and continued attempts of extortion of my hard-earned $100.

You provide no evidence to the contrary that my vehicle was not making a legal right-hand turn on red despite the overwhelming evidence to

the contrary.  Instead you make the nonsensical argument that I “did not raise one of the permitted defenses to the violation as set forth in the ordinance” and further warned me of additional fees of $100 and my only recourse was to file a civil law suit against the City of West Chicago (after of course paying the fine and all “appropriate State mandated filing fees”).

Well played, my evil little friend. Well played.

Apparently after a $290 filing fee, I may get my $100 back. Of course, I will have to take off work and deal with a gauntlet of additional bureaucrats equally determined in violating my constitutional rights to due-process, the right of consistent application of legal penalties across local state jurisdictions and unfair persecution by crazy mustaches.

Here’s a word problem for you:

If a 2007 Infiniti G35X has a wheelbase of 112.2″, there is 5,280 ft in a mile and a corrupt government program under the false auspices of public safety sends the owner of the vehicle a photo ticket showing the said vehicle making a legal right hand turn on red, with the photos showing the front tire on the stop line and one second later the back tire on the line, how fast was that vehicle travelling?

OK, I won’t keep you in suspense any longer. The answer is 6.37 miles per hour!

I like to get all spiffy before I walk to the mailbox to send extortion money!

A 306 hp Infiniti G35, from a standstill, can reach 60 feet in 2.284 seconds.  The photos your deranged agency sent me claims the vehicle travelled 9.35 feet! From a complete stop and start the vehicle over the one-second could have theoretically travelled 26.27 feet. Or perhaps it was stopped before the line earlier, or perhaps it stopped slightly afterwards. Who knows, but what is certain the vehicle did not run a red light and your continued intransigence in this matter in mind numbing.

Please stop this madness. Stand up for liberty, justice and common sense. Do it for the troops. Do it for Oprah. Do it for Mayor Kwasman’s right to have a ridiculous mustache!

Regards,

Captain Boondoggle

P.S. I’ve included a photo of me mailing you a check for $100.

So there you have it, my quest continues. My fight for the common man soldiers on, a true Thomas Paine of the modern day. A hero for everyman, except of course for those with ridiculous mustaches.

Please visit Mayor Kwasman’s site: lipsweater.com

Mayor Kwasman’s email:   mike@mikekwasman.com

Stay tuned for PART III of this exciting saga.  Mayor Kwasman actually responds to my letters and is not happy. It’s entitled “Revenge of the Stache – Photo Cameras, No Sense of Humor and Bad Grammar”

In the Terminator movies, I actually rooted for Skynet.

Due to receiving an outrageous traffic ticket for $100 from Chicago’s version of Skynet, I screamed “Are You F—ing Kidding Me?”  I then sat down and wrote this fine letter to the mayor.  I also emailed it to Car and Driver since they have had several articles detailing the private company that manufactures these traffic cameras.  The company keeps the majority of the revenue, is responsible to send these letters out, and keeps the $3.50 convenience fee if you decide to pay by credit card.

Hmm.  Here is Webster’s definition of my name:

Boondoggle: “A public project of questionable merit that typically involves political patronage and graft:: example: they each drew $600,000 in the final months of the great boondoggle.”

That is the real definition.  This is a real letter.  No, we are not F—ing kidding you.  Enjoy.  Remember, it’s funny because it didn’t happen to you.  After you’re done, check out PART 2 HERE.

June 10, 2009

Photo Enforcement Program, Dept #0125

P.O. Box 5905

Carol Stream, IL 60197-5905

To Whom It May Concern:

Today I received a notice from your rather Orwelliannamed government bureaucracy. It was my first experience with your previously unknown organization as well as my first notice that the Sixth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution had been changed to read “Guilty Until Proven Innocent”.

Inside said notice, I found a picture of my immaculately maintained 2007 Infiniti G35X (Named one of Car & Driver’s “10 Best” three years running!) and a demand that I immediately pay $100 (CreditCards Accepted!) for the alleged crime of “disobeying a traffic control signal” or risk the dire unnamed consequences of “further enforcement”.

Look at my hands! They're covered in 'stache wax! Jeepers!

I immediately exclaimed out loud the catchphrase of the arguably brilliant but always thought provoking website www.rufkm.net and began to weep uncontrollably.

However, after a more thorough inspection of the notice I realized that you had graciously included information that definitively proved my innocence of this alleged traffic infraction. I suppose I could waste more of my time by engaging in an “InPerson Hearing”, but I’m confident that you are reasonable people and will just accept the following as evidence to my innocence and immediately waive this fee and put an end to this nonsense:

 EXHIBIT A This first photo, included in the original notice, is a picture of my vehicle clearly stopped behind the line preparing to take a right turn Southbound on IL 59. My novel LED brake lights are all lighted up for the entire world to see.

 EXHIBIT B – The next photo, also included on the notice, shows me beginning my legal right hand turn (I even used my turn signal!) into the feeder lane of Southbound IL 59 a full 34.6 seconds after the light turned red.

EXHIBIT C – This next photo, is a picture I took today at the scene of the alleged crime. What is apparent in this picture is that one would make a “right turn only” and that it is “red light photo enforced”, but nowhere is it indicated that this is a “no turn on red” light (625 ILCS 5/11306)

EXHIBIT D – A photo of the Honorable Mayor of West Chicago Mike Kwasman that clearly evidences that hisinventive use of male facial hair violates some governmental code or statute for grooming.

As Tocqueville wrote so eloquently in “Democracy in America”, it is not the major government intrusions that weaken the freedom of man, but rather the small daily intrusions that man is forced to face every day. Small intrusions such as $100 fines from local municipalities, or forcing citizens to take time off of work to prove their innocence or a crime they did not commit.

Please rectify this and do so in a way that I do not have to be further inconvenienced by having to take time off work and defend myself. All you have to do is press a button on your computer to make this go away. Your one action will be a victory for democracy!

Regards,

Taxpayer Boondoggle.

Now, I will admit that I voted for the Obamessiah. What choice did I really have? I had spent considerable words on espousing my complete dislike for Sarah Palin and unfortunately her and McCain were a package deal. When it came right down to it, I wouldn’t have voted for McCain if Palin was offering ass-to-mouth for every hundredth voter.

But even I must give pause and reflect upon some of the President’s decisions these last few weeks. Specifically, the socialization of the automotive and banking industry. I’m a bit confused how capatalism can function when certain members of an industry are receiving government help and others aren’t. It seems it would give certain players an advantage over others and as someone that has some ties to those very competitors I am a bit pissed off my tax dollars are going to help institutions that have a vested interest directly opposite my own.

But I digress.  Back to the funny.

We think that the Annnointed One should expand out his choices a bit with titles. Czar is a bit played out. The following are some suggestions the RUFKM braintrust came up with to assist our Commander in Chief.  Some are renamed existing positions and others are new additions like “Cyber Czar”

Renamed Positions

Dictator of Education

Fuhrer of the Interior

Kaiser of Banking

Despot of the CIA

Master of Foreign Affairs

Grand Pubah of Defense

Some New Titles

Mack Daddy of Poonany (Date Night Coordinator)

Caesar the Pleaser (Sex Education)

Monarch of Monopoly ( Recreation)

Kaiser of Calamity (TARP Allocation)

Skeletor of the North Shore (Dick Cheney)

Captain Chompers (Joe Biden’s code name)

Cunt Punt Commander (Secret committee dedicated to getting rid of Pelosi)

Dark Lord of the Smorgasbord (Catering)

Feel free to add more to the comment list.  This is for the good of our country.

Sincerely,

TylerDFC

etc…

I beat Contra without the code. This fact cannot be disputed.

In one of Obama’s nightly press conferences, when asked about solving the state of America’s economy, he made reference to an 80′s Nintendo video game. 

“My fellow Americans.  While our current economic state presents a challenge, it is nothing compared to the struggle I went through on May 17th, 1989. ”

When asked to elaborate, Obama said “Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, B,A, Start.  Even heard of it?  That fateful day I beat Contra with only 3 men, alone, without using the code. I’ve done it once, I’ll do it again.”

He was challenged that it was impossible to get to the final level of  Contra without a total of 30 men and a second player helping.  ” I find your lack of faith disturbing,” Obama responded.  “You younger reporters in the front row.  Come into the Oval Office immediately, I’ll download it on the Wii and show you how I run things.  Maybe once you see this incredible display of power you will all back up off me.” 

Obama then concluded the press conference by saying “Deez Nuts!,” dropping the microphone on the floor, and taking the reporters who doubted his skills into the White House.

We covered the proper use and definition of Soft ATIFH! HERE.  For part 2, lets move on to Hard ATIFH!. 

You can use this in a speech or conversation.  Hard ATIFH! is far more risky as the entire purpose is for the listener to actually HEAR the phrase and then be tricked into thinking they DIDN’T. Remember, change to an obnoxious screaming tone (Andrew Dice Clay, Adam Sandler) and speak with force and volume.   Our first example shows how our President recently used ATIFH!  in one of his nightly press conferences. Here’s the transcript:  

Scenerio #1:  Obama Mama

 Obama: It is widely known that Hillary Clinton and I have our differences but that is in the past.  I have great respect for her and her husband.  They are both patriots, and I am proud to have her in my cabinet.  I recently sat with Hillary Clinton, went over goals we both had for this great country AND THEN I FUCKED HER!!!!  HEY -OH!!!  

Reporter #1:  Senator Obama, did you just say “…and then I fucked her?”

Obama:  I don’t believe that’s what you heard me say. 

Reporter #2:  I’m pretty sure you did.  We’re all holding microphones, there’s about 6,000 video cameras pointed at you, and you are being broadcast in 180 different languages.  We can play it back if you like.

Obama:  I see.  I respect your opinion.  However, I find your allegations to be false.  

Reporter #2:   With all due respect, Mr. President not only did you say “and then I fucked her,” you pumped your fist, then moonwalked across the stage. 

Obama:   I will admit to moonwalking, but I would like to bring your attention to an important discovery I have made.  Look over there.  (While entire audience is looking away, Obama quickly places a jar of jelly with a damaged lid on his podium.)

Reporter #1:   Mr. President, we didn’t see anything.  

Obama:  Sorry, I thought I saw Hannah Montanna.  Big fan.  Michelle and the girls love her.   

Reporter #2:  President Obama, is there a jar of jelly sitting on your podium?

Obama:  That is correct. It’s a jar of jelly.   This is what alarmed me earlier.  

Reporter #2:  The jar.  The jar alarmed you.  

Obama:  Yes.  That is why I shouted INDENTED CAN OF SMUCKERS!!!  I believe it may be strawberry preserves.  I love me some Smucker’s jam.  

Reporter #1:  Are you trying to say that you screamed INDENTED CAN OF SMUCKERS, not AND THEN I FUCKED HER?  

Obama:  That is correct.  As you can see, the lid is damaged, or as I said, indented.  It’s quite scary.  It could be botulism. 

Reporter #2:  Do you expect us to believe that explanation?

Obama:  Yes I do.  Besides,  I can sell you guys on anything.  I’ve already spent 2 trillion dollars in my first 90 days and sold it as helping the economy.  I have to go.  Fergie is doing a private concert for my daughters at noon.  My humps! 

Damn, that Obama is smooth!  Let’s move on to our next example you can use at your workplace.  

Scenerio #2:  Office Space Shenanigans

Dark Lord:  You’re offended that I listen to Burl Ives?  I know I’m young but that man has the voice of an angel.

Dark Lord:  I simply mentioned my priceless collection of Burl Ives LPs that are in mint condition.  Not a scratch.  I weep when I hear his rendition of “Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.” Is our differing musical tastes going to present a hostile work environment?

Lance:  Sir, you shouted “and then I fucked her!” and made some strange celebratory move like your team scored a last minute goal. 

Dark Lord:  Wow.  I mean…. Wow.  I never said anything of the sort and I do not tolerate that type of language in my office.  This is outrageous on so many levels and downright confusing.  Why would I say that?  I thought we were bonding as I told you about my day of flowers and fondue.  Consider this my verbal warning and do not look me directly in the eyes for the next 3 weeks. 

There you go!  You pulled a Jedi mind trick on that ass!  These are not the droids you’re looking for, bitch! 

There you have it.  Use ATIFH and your quality of life will improve!

 We’re here to help.  

Sincerely,

Dark Lord

After the last $800B dollars you invested in our economy seems to not be doing a damn thing to help the situation I think it is time for some radical steps. News everyday is the stock market is crashing to its lowest levels in over a decade. Meanwhile you have bailed out AIG, a fine organization that just paid out millions of bonuses to their employees FOR DESTROYING THEIR COMPANY.  It is obvious doom is coming to us all. Now more than ever, I think it’s time to introduce my plan to save the world. It’s controversial and I’ll admit it won’t be easy, but you are just going to have to cowboy up and do it. For the sake of the world, but more importantly, for the sake of AMERICA. My plan is simple:

STOP TELLING US HOW BAD IT IS AND START GIVING US SOME POSITIVE FUCKING NEWS!!!!!

Holy SHIT are you F—ing kidding me? Why is every single news story about the worsening state of the economy. Maybe if you would stop scaring the ever loving shit out of ever man, woman and child in this country businesses and people will start making purchases again. No team EVER won a game when the coach told them contantly that they were fucked and had no chance. Why would this be any different?

I’m not saying there is not a recession, but I think it is being made a hell of a lot worse by 3 things:

1. The Media – They are breathless to report tragedy on a good day, this mess is just fresh blood for their vampiric appetites. Maybe it has something to do with every news channel needing something to fill 24 hours of news. Or maybe it’s all the fucking blogging “experts” that don’t know shit but sure want to pretend they do.

2. E-trade – Back in the day you had to contact a real life expert, a stockbroker, when you wanted to buy or sell stocks. This expert would steer you in the right direction and offer guidance to you, usually with your financial health being of his utmost concern. Then came E-trade and the other on line trading companies. If there is one rule in life it is this: Never, EVER underestimate the jaw dropping stupidity of the average human person. Now Aunt Sally sees that her AT&T stock dropped 1/10 of a point she decides it’s time to pull up stakes and get the hell out of this deathtrap. So she fires up the interweb and sells the stock. And so does every other nincompoop that thinks they know what they are doing because they’ve seen “Wall Street” too many damn times. No one is guiding them, they are on their own. Put is simply, our stock markets are being put largely in the hands of people who have no formal training and are right now looking up “short trade” on Wikipedia because they head Rick at the car wash talking about it.

3. Politicians – You allowed corporations to ship all of our IT and manufacturing positions to other countries, THEN you gave them a FUCKING TAX BREAK for doing so. Well. Fucking. Played.

This article is not meant in any way to make light of this situation. All of us are worried about our jobs, our families, and our futures. But this whole damn thing started years ago with the ARM mortgages and naive dipshits that thought they could somehow afford a half million dollar house on a $35K a year salary, and the outsourcing of a good deal of the jobs that made up the middle class.

Now the banks won’t open credit because they keep hearing how bad it is, and companies aren’t hiring or expanding because of how bad they hear it is, and consumers aren’t making large ticket purchases because we keep hearing how bad it is. Seeing a pattern?

We need to stop listening to CNN, MSNBC, Fox, the bloggers (except for RUFKM) and all the rest of them. Just turn our backs on them, stop reading about the economy, stop glancing at the newest graph showing that unemployment is the worst it’s been since last Monday when it was REALLY bad.

Just take away all the power you give them. Because believing their constant wave of negativity gives them strength.

Much like Freddy Krueger.

I have a recurring nightmare that I must share with the world.  I’m at an exclusive underground sex-fest that I snuck into (with a secret code) much like the last few minutes of Eyes Wide Shut.  Just like “OT- VII level” Scientologist Tom Cruise, I’m roaming the halls with my sweet Lone Ranger mask scoping endless amounts of hot naked chicks that are wearing nothing but Mardi Gras helmets.  

I enter the orgy room in my OB-1 robe and told that I can have any woman I want– but first, I must remove their disguise.  I start ripping off masks like wrapping paper on Christmas morning and run into a slight problem.  Every one of these ladies has a perfectly sculpted body but staring back at me is either the face of Speaker Nancy Pelosi or Hillary Clinton.  As my junk retreats back into it’s trunk, a projected image of Obama and Biden’s grinning faces appear on every wall of the mansion and Obama shouts the following message over and over and over again like a skipped record:

“Nobody messes with Joe!  Nobody messes with Joe!  Nobody Messes with Joe!”

OK.  I must admit that everything I just said is a lie but used to illustrate a point.  As disturbing as those images are, it is nothing compared to the clusterfuck of epic proportions I witnessed just a few minutes ago as Obama addressed Congress.  Obama showed up 10 minutes late and then revealed the details (read: no details) of his Billion Dollar Boondoggle.  Through the use of flowery words and lots of arm movements, he promised to fix our economy by next Thursday and that everyone in the audience gets a free Pontiac G6.  He focused on the following plans:  

1.  Windmills

2.  Super shiny coal

3.  Handing your wallet to random scumbags

Are You F—ing Kidding Me?  

First I’ll talk about the windmills that will help save our energy crisis.  Obama mentioned his love for windmills no less than seven times in the first 30 minutes of his speech.  His version of an American utopia are towns that look exactly like postcards of Holland with windmills as far as the eye can see and villagers dancing in the street covered in pixie dust.  Sort of like Whoville but with more wooden shoes. Secondly, does the average American REALLY understand the concept of clean coal technology?  Congress pretty much puts up it’s lighters, screams and creams it’s jeans like they’re hearing the first few riffs of Freebird every time this natural resource is mentioned.  No politician ever goes into it and we are left to assume that clean coal is simply better than dirty coal because it’s been powerwashed and given a good scrub.  

And finally, Obama proposes to reach into your wallet and hand over a fat wad to every business and fuckstick that has mismanaged their finances.  He states that “drastic times call for drastic measures.”  I agree.  If you think Citibank is currently run by circus clowns, wait until our government makes it a nationalized bank.  With Chairman of the Financial Service Committee Barney Frank behind the wheel, Citibank will go over a cliff faster than Toonces (the cat that could drive a car) on a Sunday drive.  Now, that’s what I call drastic!  

Even with all these shenanigans, there were some happy faces in the audience that weren’t Obama groupies.  Even Republicans like Mccain!    

But perhaps that’s because he forgot to take his meds and thrilled that he’ll be dead soon.  

The following is a PowerPoint presentation of our stimulus plan.  Enjoy.

RD: You’re right.  On second thought that sounds awful.

How about Hillary Clinton instead?     

DP: That woman is insane.  Genius.  But try harder.     

RD: I can beat that. How about a dude that looks like Tiger Wood’s cousin?

DP: Ludicrous! But that in and of itself does not sound that crazy.

RD: What if his middle name was Hussein, he bowls every Wednesday with known terrorists, his preacher is an escaped mental patient, and his greatest accomplishment thus far is showing up to work on time and checking off Yes or No on amendments?  How does that sound?

DP: Now we’re getting somewhere.  Do you know such a man?

RD: I do. He just became a senator in Illinois.  Barack Hussein Obama.

DP: Are You F—ing Kidding Me? Spectacular.  How is he as a public speaker?

RD: Incredible.

DP: It is done.  Let’s get the celebrity endorsement of that jack-ass Matt Damon, Oprah, David Hasselhoff, the Olsen twins, Howie Mandel, and those midgets you mentioned earlier. Can we do this? Yes – We – Can! I like that phrase. Jerry, go print out 60 million buttons with that slogan and book Grant Park for November 2008.  Oh, and get Michael Bay to direct the infomercial.  Meeting adjourned.

CHICAGO (Reuters) – What the Fuck?

An allegation that Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich conspired to sell President-elect Barack Obama‘s seat in the U.S. Senate to the highest bidder isn’t the only shocker contained in the 76-page criminal complaint unveiled by the FBI on Tuesday.

Excerpts of tape-recorded conversations between the governor,

his wife and various advisers contained in the complaint showed Blagojevich frequently using language that would have made Chicago’s own Al Capone blush as he allegedly plotted to use public office for private gain.

Patrick Fitzgerald, the poker-faced federal prosecutor heading the case, used the word “fuck” several times as he gave details of the expletive-laced conversations during a news conference announcing corruption charges against Blagojevich.

Talking about Blagojevich’s alleged effort to get a person benefiting from a $1.8 billion tollway project to raise $100,000 for him, Fitzgerald said the governor told an aide: “‘I could have made a larger announcement but wanted to see how they would perform by the end of the year. If they don’t perform, fuck ‘em in their filthy assholes.’ That’s a quote.

The document cited by Fitzgerald gave other details, this time using the word ‘expletive,’, rather than ‘fuck.’

“I can drive a hard bargain. You hear what I’m saying. And if I don’t get what I want and I’m not satisfied with it, then I’ll just take the Senate seat myself,” the governor allegedly said of filling the U.S. Senate seat, speaking with a person identified only as Advisor A the day before the November 4 election that Obama won.

A Senate seat, “is a fucking valuable thing, you just don’t give it away for nothing,” the document cited him as saying.

When the governor was informed that his phone was tapped he had only one question:

Are You F—ing Kidding Me?

• Do you have no ambition in life?
• Are you a blood sucking leach of society?
• Have you made the business decisions of someone who thinks 2 + 2 = Jello?
• Have you taken financial risks that have not turned out right?
• Are you a complete scumbag with zero business ethics?

No problem! We’re here to help! Here’s our plan:

Issue # 1: First let’s talk about General Motors! We know that only until the last few years have you made any improvement to your dealership service and quality of vehicles. We understand that you let Nissan, Honda and Toyota make more stylish and dependable vehicles and completely pass you by in the marketplace.

That’s OK! We at the government have a color copier that makes money. We understand that you blame your retirement plans for your employees for your spiraling costs instead of the inferior product that you’ve been shilling and that the public has stopped purchasing. How much do you need? Would 120 billion be alright for the next few months? If so, we will call Staples right now and order some green ink! Can we send the cash UPS ground to save on the shipping cost? What am I talking about? What do we care about budgeting? This shit is like Monopoly money to us.  Would $14 billion be OK until August?

Also, if you are running an airline and a bank – don’t worry at all! We’ve got ya covered! You get a “do over!”

As far as the small business owner who risked everything and contributed towards the overall economy by coming up with a useful product or service….. Um…. you’re fucked.

Issue #2: Do you have 8 credit cards with a total balance of $50,000, bought a few investment houses that are now being foreclosed, and dipped into your primary residence with an equity line to purchase $300 jeans, a new pair of tits, spa treatments and never saved one fucking dime for a rainy day? Do you lack any rational thought? Have you completely lived beyond your means?

No problem!  We’ve got you covered!  If you haven’t paid your mortgage, we have $275 million subsdized from those that do pay their bills!  Besides, how could you have seen that a 700 square foot house with no backyard wouldn’t be worth $400,000 forever? We want you to spend as much money as possible so you never quit your job! It’s called economic slavery you brain dead bastards! In fact, we know you NEED to go the mall to feel good about yourselves so we are going to send another $800 check to you so you can buy that new iPhone! Crash Bandicoot is amazing on it and the new Britney Spears’ album is fabulous! Download them immediately…. if not sooner!

Issue #3: Do you complain about your job, feel sorry for yourself, expect a raise for just showing up on time, or just simply don’t work? Well, you low-expectation twunts do we have a deal for you! We plan on upping the welfare payouts so keep on fucking and produce some more offspring to increase the taxes on people that have ambition and make over $100,000 a year BY WORKING SMART AND CONTRIBUTING TO THE ECONOMY. We understand that you hate the rich and that they have no right to keep the money that have earned by taking risks by either running a successful business or contributing to the bottom line of their employer. They should be sharing it with you! We know how much you suffer because your TV is less than 60 inches! Watching Deal or no Deal on regular television is just not the same without seeing the detail on Howie Mandel’s soul patch!

I hope you all love socialism, bitches!  I can’t wait until next week when we get everyone a new car like Oprah! 

Sincerely,

Your Government

Long Duk Dong – VP

After careful analysis, our political advisory team will be led by Bozo The Clown and Charles Manson. 

This should court votes from previously overlooked demographics including the criminally insane. Richard Simmons is very excited about our nomination and is re-releasing remastered versions of “Sweating to the Oldies” to DVD and vows, going forward, to wear pants.

Not only does it seem like the longest election cycle that mankind has ever been forced to endure, but we are left with a Morton’s Fork of a baritone speaking man-child whose greatest accomplishment to date is that he is running for president and an angry old guy whose apparent claim to greatness is that he crashed three military airplanes.

However, I have persevered through this silliness and media obsessed trivialities and am finally prepared to make my much-anticipated endorsement for the next president of the United States:

Boondoggle Endorses McCain.

I’m sure the Associated Press is rushing to the wire to pick up this stunning October Surprise for immediate publication. It is an endorsement that will undoubtedly transform the landscape of the current race and one that will certainly be recorded in history books for future generations to ponder. But please before it hits the morning papers, let me explain my reasoning for this first-ever historic endorsement.

You see, there is only one reason I will be voting for John McCain come Tuesday:

Barack Obama Supporters.

That’s right, the smug sycophants who have repeatedly lectured me about my civic duty to vote for Senator Obama in order to achieve some sort of illusory concept of “change” in this country have successfully forced me to vote for the other guy. Any guy would do, but McCain will, fortunately, suffice.

I could take all the lecturing, overlook all the shortcomings, even ignore the shady personal connections, rebuke his calls for socialism and turn my back to the haughtiness of “The One”. I could even get past the idiocy of Matt Damon and the preaching from Oprah, but the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back was executed by one of the more frenzied but equally insane supporters of King Barack the Magnificent.

The one that registered my grandfather to vote in Ohio.

My grandfather, for those of you not intimately familiar with the Great Captain Boondoggle, happens to currently reside in a nursing home in Ohio. He also happens to suffer, amongst other physical ailments, from dementia. Somedays he doesn’t know what day it is, or even what year or who is visiting him. He is no longer the strong, funny, caring man that I once knew let alone even aware of who the current President of the United States is.

All of that didn’t stop some sick and misguided individual from coming into the sanctity of a nursing home, stealing his last shred of dignity, and registering him to vote and voting for Barack Obama.

Are you F—ing kidding me?

I don’t know if it was ACORN or some other militant group perpetrating this fraud, but I do know that anyone that would sink to this level, I would never support the candidate of their choice.

I understand that voter fraud is a non-partisan endeavor. I also understand that His Holiness Barack did not personally make this transgression.

But this year is different. As this fraud continues, as these lies compound, the Transformational Obama simply winks, nods and continues to funnel campaign contributions to these groups to continue with this tomfoolery.

He is not “The One”; he’s just like all the others, only worse because he tells you he isn’t.

And for the individual who committed this crime. Go F yourself! Twice.