Gridlock as Obama, GOP Disagree on how to Screw America.

“The President has repeatedly offered to wear a condom while raping the country, and you can look it up,” Biden reportedly will say, despite the desperate attempts of his aides to stop him from saying it.

Bumper Sticker Fails to Alter American Political Landscape.

Confident that the concept of Republican Hippies would someday catch on, Garone abruptly ended the interview and returned to his job of alphabetizing State Welfare rolls.

Panties, Bombs and Silly Talk

Panties, Bombs and Silly TalkI’m flummoxed.  Bewildered. Stupified. Mystified.  Constipated.
As you are probably already well aware, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab (AKA The Panty Bomber, Boxer Burner, Eunuch bomber, Thong Terrorist, Weiner Roaster) “allegedly” on Christmas Eve on a flight from Amsterdam to Detroit tried to detonate a bomb that was embedded in his suspiciously effeminate panties.
Of [...]

Danny Hope’s lipsweater responsible for Purdue football’s failure

Danny Hope’s lipsweater responsible for Purdue football’s failureSince I am in no way able to provide rational, reasonable analysis of Purdue football as my beloved Boilermakers have shit the bed this season, I instead offer a wild hypothesis for how Purdue can get back to mediocre team we’ve grown to expect.
Shave the mustache off the [...]

The Legend of Obama Burgundy: His teleprompter works 60% of the time, all the time

The Legend of Obama Burgundy: His teleprompter works 60% of the time, all the time
It is a well documented fact that President  Obama takes his teleprompter EVERYWHERE.  He doesn’t just use it for speeches, but takes it to interviews, meetings, etc.  According to sources the times he has NOT brought his teleprompter with him, [...]

The Mustache Wars Part III: Revenge of the Kwasman

The Mustache Wars Part III: Revenge of the Kwasman
(We must be psychic.  On the front page of the Chicago Tribune, 7/12/09, is an article on the evils of Redflex and other red light camera programs. It’s part of a series with the next focus revolving around the political corruption associated with them.  Are you F—ing [...]

The Mayor Kwasman Mustache Wars: Part II – Boondoggle Strikes Back

The Mayor Kwasman Mustache Wars: Part II – Boondoggle Strikes Back7/09/09- Chicago- IL

(Since this involves traffic tickets, Skynet, and mustached mayors, it will help to read Part I – Traffic ticket causes Boondoggle to fight Chicago government, crazy mustaches. Or whatever.  )
Many of my loyal fans have demanded an update on my inane quest to [...]

The Mustache Wars – Part 1: Boondoggle Vs. Mayor Kwasman

The Mustache Wars – Part 1: Boondoggle Vs. Mayor KwasmanDue to receiving an outrageous traffic ticket for $100 from Chicago’s version of Skynet, I screamed “Are You F—ing Kidding Me?”  I then sat down and wrote this fine letter to the mayor.  I also emailed it to Car and Driver since they have had several [...]

Obama appoints new Cyber Czar, Fuhrer of the Interior, Mack Daddy of Poonany

Obama appoints new Cyber Czar, Fuhrer of the Interior, Mack Daddy of PoonanySo this week Obama is set to name a new “Cyber Czar” to be in charge of the nations internet security. This in addition to the already named “Auto Czar” and “Banking Czar”, two gentlemen who are in charge of facilitating the takeover [...]

Obama states if he wanted a real challenge, he’d beat Contra without the code

Obama states if he wanted a real challenge, he’d beat Contra without the codeIn one of Obama’s nightly press conferences, when asked about solving the state of America’s economy, he made reference to an 80’s Nintendo video game. 
“My fellow Americans.  While our current economic state presents a challenge, it is nothing compared to the struggle [...]

Obama denies saying “And Then I F—-d Her!”, chaos ensues

Obama denies saying “And Then I F—-d Her!”, chaos ensues
 
We covered the proper use and definition of Soft ATIFH! HERE.  For part 2, lets move on to Hard ATIFH!. 
You can use this in a speech or conversation.  Hard ATIFH! is far more risky as the entire purpose is for the listener to actually HEAR [...]

TylerDFC pulls out his stimulus package, lays it on desk

TylerDFC pulls out his stimulus package, lays it on deskDear President Obama, members of government, foreign leaders, and the media:
After the last $800B dollars you invested in our economy seems to not be doing a damn thing to help the situation I think it is time for some radical steps. News everyday is the stock [...]

Obama’s $800 Billion Dollar Boondoggle

Obama’s $800 Billion Dollar Boondoggle
I have a recurring nightmare that I must share with the world.  I’m at an exclusive underground sex-fest that I snuck into (with a secret code) much like the last few minutes of Eyes Wide Shut.  Just like “OT- VII level” Scientologist Tom Cruise, I’m roaming the halls with my sweet Lone [...]

The Origin Of Obama

The Origin Of Obama

Everyone loves an origin story.  Spiderman, The Hulk etc., comic books and superhero movies are famous for them. Here’s another one:
David Plouffe is being the best political

campaign manager EVER and the proof is that Obama is able to take a huge daily dump in the White House bathroom. David is  the dude pictured [...]

RUFKM Headline: Illinois Governor Loves To Say “Fuck”

RUFKM Headline: Illinois Governor Loves To Say “Fuck”
The following is an unedited version of some choice quotes from the Illinois governor who thought Obama’s vacant Senate seat made him a game show host on “Let’s Make a Deal!” It also shows that when you try to pull off a scam of epic proportions you should [...]

“The Devil went down to Chem class…”

“The Devil went down to Chem class…”
I hated high school with a white hot fury. I could not WAIT to get out of that place. I am always incredulous upon meeting people that proclaim high school as the best years of their life. I usually stare at them for a moment contemplating a life that [...]

Bush Avoids Approval Ratings, Shoes

Bush Avoids Approval Ratings, Shoes
 
Say what you want about Bush but this man avoids Adidas in Iraq like Keanu Reeves evaded bullets in the Matrix.
With a grin on his face, this amazing creature can also determine the exact size of footwear headed directly at his cranium at 50 MPH. After avoiding two loafer-style missiles, Bush [...]

Hello! Your Government Here!! Have you made awful decisions in life? Don’t worry, we’ll bail you out!

Hello! Your Government Here!! Have you made awful decisions in life? Don’t worry, we’ll bail you out!
Hello! How are you doing? This is your government speaking and I would like to talk to you about a few pressing issues. 

Do you have no ambition in life?
Are you a blood sucking leach of society?
Have you made the [...]

Barack Hussein Obama Elected 44th U.S. President. Really?

Barack Hussein Obama Elected 44th U.S. President. Really?

Barack is our new president.  
Whether you voted for him or not, there is only one socially acceptable response after hearing this fact:
All together now………
Are You F—ing Kidding Me?

Well, it looks like America really likes Greek columns, infomercials (The Sham-Wow is incredible), celebrity endorsements, and hated George Bush [...]

Mccain, Obama, and the Ghost of Tim Russert walk into a bar…..

Mccain, Obama, and the Ghost of Tim Russert walk into a bar…..

Hello! The ghost of Tim Russert here. In life I was a big, talking

head and in death I’m literally just that. I’m a huge, floating cranium with a microphone. Oh, sweet irony. So, I’m in purgatory and one of my punishments is to be [...]