Florida woman enjoys it face down, hard, rough

Gorgeous straight men between the ages of 25 and 35 should not be allowed to work at spas and be so-called relievers of stress by giving massages. It’s entire bullshit. I mean, how am I supposed to relax when I’m naked and the hottest guy ever is running his hands up and down my quivering body while asking, “Is this hard enough,” “How’s this feel” and “Do you like it like this?”

Operation No More Douchebags: A Tale of Douche Dating- Part 2

Don’t read this unless you’ve read Operation No More Douchebags Part One. Or don’t.  Whatever. Tweedle Dumber: Next came the amazingly stunning model/tennis player.  Helloooo, gorgeous. We ran into each other at the Hard Rock, exchanged numbers and he actually called the next day.  He wasn’t the smartest guy, but his looks could possibly make [...]

Operation No More Douchebags: An Epic Story of Douche Dating

Sonnygirl decides to go on a date with every single guy that asks her out based on the assumption that one of them will not be a steaming douche. She was wrong. So wrong.

Why Girls Need Boys Part 2: Doorknobs, Bathrooms, and MacGyver

Hey kids!  Make sure you read part one or you will have no idea what’s going on and how Sonnygirl locked herself in the bathroom.  Read PART ONE first.    I’m screwed and my arm and back and neck are now completely jacked up.  After ten minutes of sitting on the toilet, head in hands, I [...]

Why Girls Need Boys: A tale of doorknobs, bathrooms, and Macgyver

I’m a really handy girl.  Ask anyone.  If you need a DVD player fixed, I’ll do it.  If you want help painting your house, I’m your girl.  If you need to understand why your toilet is running, I’ll not only figure that out, I’ll also have it fixed after one quick trip to Home Depot.  [...]

The Gyno Chronicles: Double P, Discharge, and Decadence (Part 2)

  This is part 2 of “The Gyno Chronicles.”  Read Part 1 HERE.  I was glad to see I had a new lesbian “gyno” who was in love with me. She had the biggest boobs I’ve ever seen in my life. She was a bigger woman in general, but her rack was monstrous. After she [...]

The Gyno Chronicles: Double P, Discharge and Decadence

Why is it that every gynecologist I’ve ever had is intent on making me feel uncomfortable? It’s truly their mission in life. I stopped going to my regular gyno because of this miserable little fact. I had him for several years and liked him well enough. He knew all about my sex life and everything [...]

The exciting finale of “Bad things don’t come in threes, they come in twelves”

(Part 2 of 2.  To read part 1, click HERE.) The next Monday I got a call from Saab saying my baby was ready. Awesome news! I had to pay only the $500 deductible. So off to the bank I went to get my money. I had to go during working hours due to the [...]

Bad Things Don’t Come in Threes, They Come In Twelves

So, a couple Fridays ago, I’m driving to work from my ex boyfriend’s house (we have amazing sex and I can’t stop doing it even though it effects my heart in a major way), and a semi’s tire de-treads in front of the car that’s in front of mine. Said car quickly and instinctively swerves [...]

Emos, Hipsters, and Goths found to originate from same strand of douchebag

Am I getting old or are these things all pretty much the same thing? Here’s why I think this: “normal” people always assume that I belong to one of these categories. (I have dark hair and heavy bangs, obviously I’m some sort of non-conformist.) So, just for the sake of argument, I tried to weasel [...]

Local woman prefers men who like Asian Porn, eat without silverware

I like being a girl. As a matter of fact, I love it. And I don’t want to date one. Because dating one, would mean that there would be two girls in the relationship, and frankly, my relationships have room for only one girl. And that’s me. So, let’s talk about feelings (my ex’s most [...]

Nancy Grace Killed Caylee Anthony

Fact 1: In the United States, four children die every day as a result of child abuse. Fact 2: Caylee Anthony went missing June 2008. Fact 3: Nancy Grace hasn’t talked about one thing, other than Caylee Anthony since June 2008. Fact 4: Nancy Grace makes scary facial expressions and her eyebrows are amiss. Fact [...]

RUFKM Porn: I only sleep with Democrats

This is a story from one of our freelance contributors named “SonnyGirl.”  She is known for her obsession with vampires, insane political views, and wardrobe malfunctions at weddings.  Here’s a tale from who we affectionately call “Tits Mcghee.” I Only Sleep with Democrats … again. Republicans shouldn’t be allowed to have sex. Case in point, [...]

M-ass-ter Cleanse

The following is a classic post from Sonnygirl, an RUFKM Army member whose entire contribution to this site is…. this post.  Apparently she is only inspired to write when she is starving from drinking lemon juice and having extreme problems with her digestive system.  Sonnygirl, we enjoyed this post so please do something else ridiculous [...]