Warrant Singer Jani Lane Dead at 47 – An R.I.P. Retrospective

Jani Lane – R.I.P. The writers of RUFKM have always found Jani Lane to be an underrated singer/songwriter that simply wrote some great songs during and after Warrant’s heyday. Unfortunately for most he is known as the “Cherry Pie Guy” but wrote melodies and lyrics that were superior to most of his peers – “Heaven”, [...]

Counterpoint – “Alive” Album Review turns into quest rivaling search for the Lost Ark

Counterpoint the Word: “In music, counterpoint is the relationship between two or more voices that are independent in contour and rhythm and are harmonically interdependent. ” Counterpoint the Band: “A group you’ve unfortunately never heard of that has toured across Europe with the likes Daughtry, Shinedown and whose new release “Alive” is chock full of [...]

Ozzy Osbourne’s new album “Scream” – The Mumbles of a Madman

Ozzy’s new release “Scream” is a steaming chunk of beheaded bat shit that barely manages a murmur. I’m so disappointed in this effort that I’m not going to even waste my time writing a proper review.

How to get fisted by Paypal in one easy step!

If your business provides any type of service, and the buyer decides FOR WHATEVER REASON that they no longer want that service, you are absolutely nailed in the ass harder than Zac Efron on his first night at Rikers Island.

Cream of Korn: An argument of why Korn doesn’t (completely) suck

“Suppose there were no critics to tell us how to react to a picture, a play, or a new composition of music. Suppose we wandered innocent as the dawn into an art exhibition of unsigned paintings. By what standards, by what values would we decide whether they were good or bad, talented or untalented, success [...]

Rock on the Range 2010 Video Recap

Rock on the Range – RUFKM Video Recap A long time ago (March 22nd and 23rd, 2010) in a galaxy far away (Columbus, OH) RUFKM attended Rock on the Range. Rock on the Range is a two day event featuring over 30 bands at Crew Stadium near Ohio State. We have captured all the sights, [...]

Shaman’s Harvest – Rock on the Range audio interview

Audio interview with Shaman’s Harvest guitarist Josh Hamler. He breaks down the band’s history, their recent success with “Dragonfly”, and how they are prone to injury. They currently have one band member in a cast and another in a wheelchair. At least they don’t have a one armed drummer. No, we are not fucking kidding you.

Exclusive 60 minute Drowning Pool interview: Lead singer Ryan Mccombs discusses new album available 4/27/10

Loose Cannon hosts an exclusive RUFKM interview with Ryan Mccombs, lead singer of Drowning Pool. This one hour interview features an in depth discussion of the inspiration behind the tracks on their upcoming release, creatively titled Drowning Pool.

Slash 2010 Album Review: Slash Kills Axl Dead

What do you call a rock album that starts with the lyrics “Kill the ghost, that hides in your soul” and ends with the lyrics “I’m gonna pee on the ground, then I’m gonna jump around.” You call that album Slash. Since 1994, after Guns N’ Roses disbanded acrimoniously, Slash has released two solo albums, two [...]

Album Review: Drowning Pool releases 2010 album, creatively titled “Drowning Pool” ; plus YouTube interview

Drowning Pool. The name of the band conjures up one word with anybody who has ever heard of them: Bodies. I never owned a DP album before I came upon their 2007 release Full Circle but was very familiar with the song “Bodies.”  I have no clue what it was about except it involved bodies [...]

Merger between Mustache and Beard website falls apart in 11th hour

RUFKM is becoming a global leader in several lucrative business ventures.  Besides writing stories about  cat burglars, harassing rock stars, and the North American Cockasaurus, we have bought and sold hundreds of domain names for a total net profit of $1.4 million.  Ever heard of Stamps.com? Genius. Our highly effective decision making process  to purchase [...]

I just looked for my wallet in the freezer

buf·foon (b-fn) n. 1. A clown; a jester: a court buffoon. 2. A person given to clowning and joking. 3. A ludicrous or bumbling person; a fool. The above is Webster’s definition of a buffoon but there should be another step. 4.  Someone who looks for his wallet in a freezer; a doofus. There’s nothing [...]

Local man lobbies for all dog pills to be purple, glow in the dark

There are a few phrases that my wife says that makes me want to run for the hills: ” Let’s watch the Notebook together.” ” A friend of mine has a great new multilevel business opportunity they’d like to talk to us about.” ” I need you figure out why my computer is frozen and [...]

Pearl Jam – Backspacer: 35 minutes of ear pleasure

It is not common for bands to release one of their best albums almost 20 years into their career but Pearl Jam has just done that with Backspacer.  This is the point when bands release songs that give you time to take a piss when you see them live.  But before I reviewBackspacer, I need [...]

90 Second Music Review: Vains of Jenna – The Art of Telling Lies

Lately, the RUFKM headquarters has been besieged with CDs and propaganda from bands big and small.   This inspired us to start a new series called “90 Second Music Review” to highlight the good, bad, and ugly  in an efficient manner.  Vains of Jenna:  The Art of Telling Lies The country of Sweden is famous for it’s neutrality during wartime, [...]

13 Stupid Questions with Stevie Rachelle of Metal Sludge, TUFF

We ask Stevie Rachelle of Metal Sludge a bunch of stupid questions. Chaos ensues.

Year of the Ferret (part 1)

Enjoy the first of a 3 part RUFKM Classic.  The finale, Part 4, is finally being written.  In the meantime, refresh yourself with one of the greatest stories ever told.      Authors Note:  “Some tales of idiocy are just too epic and incredible to be contained in one post and I respect your ADD. Remember: It’s funny because [...]

RUFKM Phone Prank: We put a Muther Clucker out of business

There are many unsolved mysteries in the world.  One is why companies think that shoving an advertisement into the crevice of my car window will suddenly earn my business.  Another is how these flyers get there because I’ve never caught anyone in the act.  I suspect ninjas. Today another individual skilled in ninjutsu left me [...]

Ryan Mccombs of Drowning Pool – Stupid Video Interview

Here is a YouTube clip of an interview we did with Ryan Mccombs of Drowning Pool at Crue Fest in W. Palm Beach.   You wouldn’t think that Ryan has a sense of humor since he’s usually singing angry songs about killing poodles *  but he is quite witty …. and obscene.  In other words, it was [...]

True Confessions of a KISS-aholic

(The following is an excerpt from chapter 27 of the novel “True Confessions of a KISS -aholic” available on Amazon on 10/6/09.) The mailbox at RUFKM corporate headquarters is flooded weekly with CDs, DVDs, from bands begging to participate in our “13 Stupid Questions” or review their CDs. Some are bands we’ve heard of, some [...]