Warrant Singer Jani Lane Dead at 47 – An R.I.P. Retrospective

Jani Lane – R.I.P. The writers of RUFKM have always found Jani Lane to be an underrated singer/songwriter that simply wrote some great songs during and after Warrant’s heyday. Unfortunately for most he is known as the “Cherry Pie Guy” but wrote melodies and lyrics that were superior to most of his peers – “Heaven”, [...]

Counterpoint – “Alive” Album Review turns into quest rivaling search for the Lost Ark

Counterpoint the Word: “In music, counterpoint is the relationship between two or more voices that are independent in contour and rhythm and are harmonically interdependent. ” Counterpoint the Band: “A group you’ve unfortunately never heard of that has toured across Europe with the likes Daughtry, Shinedown and whose new release “Alive” is chock full of [...]

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Pearl Jam – Backspacer: 35 minutes of ear pleasure

It is not common for bands to release one of their best albums almost 20 years into their career but Pearl Jam has just done that with Backspacer.  This is the point when bands release songs that give you time to take a piss when you see them live.  But before I reviewBackspacer, I need [...]

Year of the Ferret (part 1)

Enjoy the first of a 3 part RUFKM Classic.  The finale, Part 4, is finally being written.  In the meantime, refresh yourself with one of the greatest stories ever told.      Authors Note:  “Some tales of idiocy are just too epic and incredible to be contained in one post and I respect your ADD. Remember: It’s funny because [...]

Under F—ing Construction & News Update

RUFKM is getting a facelift for it’s One Year Anniversary.  We have reinvested our advertising revenue and profits from T-shirt sales back into our site.  When it’s done it’s going to look F—ing incredible. For now, the nifty shifting pictures are each links to our articles.  We are having some problems with the titles and intro [...]

Aerosmith records new album for 2009, classic album Pump reviewed

Aerosmith is now back in the studio, recording a new album for release near the end of 2009 and going on tour. They are recording with Brendan O’Brien (AC/DC, Stone Temple Pilots, Pearl Jam) and Joe Perry mentions that they are “going back to their roots” which is industry code for “we realize our last [...]

The Origin Of Obama

Everyone loves an origin story.  Spiderman, The Hulk etc., comic books and superhero movies are famous for them. Here’s another one: David Plouffe is being the best political campaign manager EVER and the proof is that Obama is able to take a huge daily dump in the White House bathroom. David is  the dude pictured to [...]

A Christmas Story: Year of the Ferret (Part 3)

(Editors Note: Read Year of the Ferret Part 1 and 2 or you will be confused, angry, and sad. More than usual.) Whenever you are withdrawing money from an ATM or making a purchase at three in the morning, it is never for anything good.* The cash usually goes directly towards: Drugs/Alcohol Strippers/Whores Bail/Bribe Money [...]

A Christmas Story: Year of the Ferret (part 2)

It is said that love conquers all …. but that’s complete bullshit. Fear not only conquers love but then hits it with a tire iron, drags it a dark alley, performs sodomy in the 1st degree, douses it with gasoline, lights a match, and walks away. Always bet on fear. And this was the overwhelming [...]

RUFKM Headline: Illinois Governor Loves To Say “Fuck”

The following is an unedited version of some choice quotes from the Illinois governor who thought Obama’s vacant Senate seat made him a game show host on “Let’s Make a Deal!” It also shows that when you try to pull off a scam of epic proportions you should maybe not call from your office and [...]

NetFlix Hijinx: Lars And The Real Bore

There are times when you are forced to peer into the murks of an unknown abyss and stare your greatest fears directly in the face. Lately, I do this everytime I open my mailbox.   Why, you ask? Paternity suits? Hate mail from Matt Damon? The Dark Lord sending pictures of his ballsack? Wrong. The [...]

Metallica and McDonalds! Together at last!

This has to be the greatest video ever. Metallica has just partnered with McDonalds, a psychotic stuffed bear with 17 foot arms, about 1,000 of their dancing friends, and a birthday that has simply gone wrong! They sent this new video for the last track of Death Magnetic called My Apocalypse to the RUFKM headquarters [...]

Bush Avoids Approval Ratings, Shoes

  Say what you want about Bush but this man avoids Adidas in Iraq like Keanu Reeves evaded bullets in the Matrix. With a grin on his face, this amazing creature can also determine the exact size of footwear headed directly at his cranium at 50 MPH. After avoiding two loafer-style missiles, Bush stated “This [...]

Appetite For Deconstruction -Chinese Democracy Review #1

Why are we are doing an album review on RUFKM? Because the title of the GNR‘s new album should be: “AXL’S SHENANIGANS.” Amazon.com Widgets Let’s get one thing straight before I begin this review. I do not want this to be a Guns N’ Roses history lesson — but we need to put a few [...]

KISS: An Analysis by Seann William Scott

Here is an in depth look into the success of KISS and explores the deep symbolism of their lyrics. This 58 second clip from the new movie Role Models completely explains everything you need to know about this fine musical group and we would expect nothing else from a guy who drank a spunked draft [...]

Hello! Your Government Here!! Have you made awful decisions in life? Don’t worry, we’ll bail you out!

Hello! How are you doing? This is your government speaking and I would like to talk to you about a few pressing issues.  Do you have no ambition in life? Are you a blood sucking leach of society? Have you made the business decisions of someone who thinks 2 + 2 = Jello? Have you [...]

Sign of the Apocalypse

Enjoy 11/23 and make sure you do something fun as you will soon be engulfed in flames.  Well, we’ll probably really still be alive, about $11.99 poorer, and listening to the following songs while the new album gathers dust.  

Barack Hussein Obama Elected 44th U.S. President. Really?

Barack is our new president.   Whether you voted for him or not, there is only one socially acceptable response after hearing this fact: All together now……… Are You F—ing Kidding Me? Well, it looks like America really likes Greek columns, infomercials (The Sham-Wow is incredible), celebrity endorsements, and hated George Bush (we all did). [...]

Mccain, Obama, and the Ghost of Tim Russert walk into a bar…..

Hello! The ghost of Tim Russert here. In life I was a big, talking head and in death I’m literally just that. I’m a huge, floating cranium with a microphone. Oh, sweet irony. So, I’m in purgatory and one of my punishments is to be a moderator one last time. This time for RUFKM-TV. I [...]