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RUFKM“Do you like cheese?” Classic phone prank now a major motion picture
August 21, 2010 by captainboondoggle
Filed under New Content, RUFKM Classic, Scams & Pranks, Top Picture
This article was originally published almost 2 years ago. It’s popularity rose to such heights that we were contacted by xtranormal.com to use our script in their marketing efforts. Here is the movie and the original article that inspired it. Since you are probably reading this at work we have posted two version of the movie and hopefully one is not blocked.
XTRANORMAL.COM VERSION:
It is a well-known and accepted fact that all people, excluding Pauly Shore, fall into either one of two categories: those who are in on the joke and everyone else. Not to further unfairly perpetuate broad stereotypes but telemarketers as a rule without exception always fall into the latter.
Just Google “telemarketers” one day when you are supposed to be working and you’ll understand. There are the obligatory websites from telemarketers decrying that they are in fact real people with real feelings and other such nonsense. More importantly some 2,980,000 hits come up with different ways that you can entertain yourself at a telemarketer’s expense.
I will kill that bitch if she doesn't get her hands off my cheese.
I’m going to save you some time and tell you now that all these other posts are amateurish, juvenile, lacking any real sense of creativity and are simply just not fun.
You’re in luck since Captain Boondoggle is willing to share a little step-by-step plan for your endless entertainment that is simply entitled “Engaging a Telemarketer in a Nonsensical Conversation”.
Before I can unload such a prescriptive roadmap for your entertainment, there are two critical pieces of information that you have to understand to be successful:
1. Telemarketers read from a script and have prepared answers to any of your possible objections.
2. Forcing them to deviate from the script causes them to have epileptic seizures.
Let’s begin with a transcript of a recent call I received:
And….. scene.
It’s 6:30 pm Thursday. Phone rings. Caller ID Reads “A M Mortgage Co.”
Telemarketer (TM): Click….”Hello is Mr. Boondoggle available?”
ME: “I speak for Mr. Boondoggle.”
TM: “Mr. Boondoggle this is Jeff from A M Mortgage Co. and rates are really low right now, how do you feel about saving money on your mortgage?”
ME: “Do you like cheese?”
TM: “……..We can refinance with…uh…no cash….and uh…and lock in a rate….”
ME: “I said, DO YOU LIKE CHEESE?”
TM: “…uh…yes.”
ME: “yes, what?”
Oh, Sweet Delight! Lactose Nirvana!
TM: “ummm…uh…I like cheese?”
NOTE: This is what we in the business like to call “taking control of the conversation” and showing that you are the true alpha dog by not answering any question directed to you.
ME: “I like provolone cheese, cheddar cheese, blue cheese and limburger cheese”
Prolonged silence.
ME: “What type of cheese do you like Jeff?”
TM: “ummm…..uuuhhh…American?”
ME: “Gouda?”
TM: “We have the lowest rates in Chicago…”
ME: “Do you think that Cheez Whiz is really cheese?”
TM: “Yes.”
ME: “Why does Swiss cheese have holes in it?”
TM: “…..I’m…I’m not sure….”
ME: “Damn it Jeff! I called you because I heard you wanted to talk about cheese!”
TM: “…No…uhhhh…I called you.”
ME: “To talk about cheese?”
Silence. Click. Dial tone.
Are you f—ng kidding me? I thought you called to sell me a mortgage?
There you have it one minute and forty eight seconds of pure unadulterated Grade A absolute early evening delight.
Who needs drugs when you can get this for free and they even deliver to your house?
That was how do I say it?
Kinda cheesy.