Merger between Mustache and Beard website falls apart in 11th hour

RUFKM is becoming a global leader in several lucrative business ventures.  Besides writing stories about  cat burglars, harassing rock stars, and the North American Cockasaurus, we have bought and sold hundreds of domain names for a total net profit of $1.4 million.  Ever heard of Stamps.com? Genius.

Our highly effective decision making process  to purchase certain domain names involves an all night “think tank” session with all RUFKM shareholders contributing their ideas.  This session also involves several bags of MILF Weed, Orange Drink, and countless White Castle Crave Cases.

About a year ago, one of these sessions involved several hours of  taunting TylerDFC about his complete inability to grow a decent mustache. We came up with several terms for this follicle failure and one of them was “Lip Sweater.”  We immediately saw the future.  Much like Xerox is to photocopies, and Kleenex is to  facial tissue, Lip Sweater would soon be synonymous with mustache.

A purchase was made and an empire was born. Soon Lip Sweater shirts would be designed, Lip Sweater grooming products would be manufactured, and a Saturday morning cartoon about the adventures of Inspector Lip Sweater would be developed and sold to the Disney Channel.  There was much work to be done.

Another facial hair appreciation site, The Beardly, was started at roughly the same time and gained nationwide recognition with it’s pictures of beards featured on ComedyCentral.com and other famous websites.  We decided to approach the owner of The Beardly with a once in a lifetime offer.  Here is the email transcripts from the negotiation.   We are not fucking kidding you. An attempt to form a facial hair conglomerate failed.

On Wed, Mar 10, 2010 at 3:28 PM, Comcast <info@rufkm.net> wrote:
Dear owner of TheBeardly.com

Since you are a fan of facial hair, I have a domain name that may interest you and assist in your quest for world domination.

That site? LipSweater.com. Yes, you could have your own site called Lip Sweater dedicated to art of mustaches. This would be a perfect compliment to The Beardly and an additional excuse to sell more stupid Tshirts.

I help run a site called Are You Fucking Kidding Me (rufkm.net) and have no additional time for this domain.  It was purchased as a redirect to lipsweater.wordpress.com which you can view as an idea
of how this site would look.

The Kwasman is a public official we terrorized, The Cannon is a  Beastie Boys fanatic, and The Dirt is a suspected sodomist.

If you are interested, please contact me immediately, if not sooner.

Sincerely,

Mr. Cannon

Grammar and spelling errors courtesy of iPhone

On Mar 19, 2010, at 12:40 AM, DB<thebeardly@gmail.com> wrote:

Thanks for your generous offer. However, I have reached my quota of facial hair related websites – one.  If I start another hobby site it will be about tigers or bikinis or bikinis made out of tigers.

Best of luck,
DB/Team Beardly

Dear DB:

It is a sad day but I respect your decision. They say that when a mustached man and and bearded man are walking towards each other, it is proper to give the beard the right of way. I will give you that honor.

Grammar and spelling errors courtesy of iPhone