Sleep With Many Beautiful Women Using one Simple Rule.

By Jacques Martin Gerard Chevalier Moreau Burtón, RUFKM Guest Writer and World Fashion Icon

Greeting, my friends. I am Jacques.

That is, Jacques Martin Gerard Chevalier Moreau Burtón. Yes, that Jacques Martin Gerard Chevalier Moreau Burtón. What’s that you say, you have not heard of me? Nonsense. Everyone has heard of Jacques Martin Gerard Chevalier Moreau Burtón – that is, everyone who is not a filthy, non sexual disgrace. But you are my guests, and of course I should be kind to you. Jacques would never of course, allow you to call him what the people of France call him – Ma belle brune sauvage – because you are not worthy and to do so would surely destroy you.

Jacques is nothing if not merciful.

No, I can see that you are not prepared for that. Perhaps until you are ready we should begin in small ways. There are some who call me J.M.G.C.M.B., but this sickens me. You Americans love to make words into shorter words because you are too lazy to say them. This is nonsense. But forgive me, Jacques cannot help but insult lesser people. Very well, you may simply call me by the name reserved for those who cannot comprehend me. I am simply, Jacques – the greatest living example of masculinity and he who is desired by every passionate woman and envied by every man who wishes to possess such women.

Yes, my friends; I am simply put – Man Prime.

Of course this is difficult for you to believe, but this is because you are not Jacques-like. This is because compared to Jacques you are but a tiny swine, not fit for Civet or even for that vile monstrosity you Americans call bacon. Yet Jacques will help you, because a day will come when Jacques is no more, and the more of you understand the mysteries of Jacque-dom, the greater the chance that my legacy will live on. This is why, my loyal vermin, I will teach you what no man has been fortunate enough to learn before this day. I will now teach you the one mysterious, ancient secret that has been passed down through the ages from one superbe homme to the next, from one bête sexy to another.

Jacques will now show you Sleep With Many Beautiful Women Using one Simple Rule™

La règle – Devenu comme Jacques

There is only one thing you must do to Sleep With Many Beautiful Women. You must only, simply, become like Jaqcues. You see? This is all you must do. I know, there is no hope of you achieving this thing, and this troubles you. Yes, look at you. Even now your lips quiver with indecision because you know you are not Jacques. Women become like ravenous animals for him and men grow insane with anger as their bitches flock to him. This will never happen for you of course, because Jacques is a firestorm of passion that you cannot hope to duplicate. But Jacques will at least show you the secrets of becoming the most sought after an sexy man-beast in all the world, so that your failure can amuse me.

Libérez-vous

Release yourself, my friends. See how Jacques relaxes and becomes one with the water. Does it flow around Jacques, or does Jacques himself command the very elements? Clearly the water loves Jacques, and as we all are made of this water, we all love Jacques. Yes, look at you. Even now you say to yourself ‘How can one be so irresistible? I must have his secrets!’ Do not blame yourself. Jacques has learned the ancient secrets of inner release. Even Jacques can scarcely control his sexiness, so your passion is understandable. I forgive you for your cravings, for even I myself am often transfixed. It is well known that Jacques cannot bear to see his own image, for Jacques weeps with emotion at his own beauty.

Embrassez votre désespoir

Now, you must embrace your despair. See now, how Jacques is tormented by his own magnificence? What will he do? Everywhere he goes, the people tear at him, desperate to know whether such a man can be real. Do you think it is easy being Jacques? Do you think Jacques has not problems of his own? Do you think Jacques devoid of insecurity? Do you think that nothing can keep Jacques awake at night with worry? Well this is true, Jacques has none of these things. But one must be prepared to look troubled when one is not. You see, beautiful women adore sadness, but only if it is not real. They can sense when you are being incredibly sexy, and when you are merely a pathetic sniveling weakling – it makes them wish to care for you like a small puppy or a delicate flower. Yes, Jacques is their delicate puppy flower. It drives them mad with lust.

Eat Lots of Fruit

It is essential to remain healthy and vital to be Jacques-like. Jacques was not born with these sinewy ribbons of fibrous muscle. Well, actually he was. But you clearly were not. Yet this alone is not enough. The vague, wilting pout that drives the women mad is not developed without sacrifice. The delicate muscle control required can only be achieved through careful precision. Can you eat an apple this way without flinching or fear? Does this frighten you? If so then you are uncultured swine, unprepared for what awaits you! You must fear nothing! Revel in the unknown! Do it not and you will also fail to develop the unprecedented abdominal structure necessary to wear clothes that are far too small for you.

Regardez vers le futur

Look to the future, my friends. There will come a day when Jacques will no longer be Jacques. Jacques will age, as all men do – but he will not age as all men do. Jacques will look the same, only with white hair that has been colored black. Perhaps Jacques will even decide to share himself with only one beautiful woman. On that improbable day, one of my pupils must carry the torch of smoldering desire of Jacques lit so long ago. Will you be ready? Will you understand what must be done? Of course you will not. But on that day, you will at long last cease to be a triviality because you will finally understand but one facet of the incredible, sexy world that is…Jacques.

Avec plaisir vous porcs ingrats

Now, it is time for Jacques to bid you farewell. It takes much dedication to be Jacques; his hair and teeth whitening regimen alone is a grueling masterpiece of sensuality the likes of which you cannot conceive. But now that you have been trained perhaps, if you are fortunate – and you will not be – you will find love. Perhaps a vile water-beast of a woman will turn to you and find herself overcome with attraction. Knowing that this is more than you deserve, perhaps you will say to yourself:  ‘Jacques was right! I can sleep with many beautiful women, only they will be beautiful by my own wretched standards, and not by the superior standards of Jacques!’

And on that day Jacques will sense your gratitude, sitting as he will be on a sun kissed beach in Ibiza, surrounded by fabulously attractive supermodels who unflinchingly do his bidding. And Jacques Martin Gerard Chevalier Moreau Burtón will smile, and say:

Avec plaisir vous porcs ingrats – With pleasure, you ungrateful swine!