Gridlock as Obama, GOP Disagree on how to Screw America.

“The President has repeatedly offered to wear a condom while raping the country, and you can look it up,” Biden reportedly will say, despite the desperate attempts of his aides to stop him from saying it.

Bumper Sticker Fails to Alter American Political Landscape.

Confident that the concept of Republican Hippies would someday catch on, Garone abruptly ended the interview and returned to his job of alphabetizing State Welfare rolls.

Apple unleashes iSlate, Mass Hysteria Ensues.

I realized then and there that I absolutely had to have an iSlate, and it didn’t matter to me how many people had to die in the process.

Operation No More Douchebags: A Tale of Douche Dating- Part 2

Don’t read this unless you’ve read Operation No More Douchebags Part One. Or don’t.  Whatever. Tweedle Dumber: Next came the amazingly stunning model/tennis player.  Helloooo, gorgeous. We ran into each other at the Hard Rock, exchanged numbers and he actually called the next day.  He wasn’t the smartest guy, but his looks could possibly make [...]

Brett Favre Haunted by Mocking Laughter of Packers Fans.

The sound echoing in Favre’s head was described as the mocking, taunting laughter of hundreds, possibly thousands of Green Bay Packers fans.

Operation No More Douchebags: An Epic Story of Douche Dating

Sonnygirl decides to go on a date with every single guy that asks her out based on the assumption that one of them will not be a steaming douche. She was wrong. So wrong.

The Chinatown Death Cloud Peril – Paul Malmont

The Chinatown Death Cloud Peril (hereafter referred to as CDCP) is a unique and highly enjoyable adventure thriller. Author Paul Malmont’s love letter to the age of pulp fiction (not the Tarantino movie) is fun, exciting, and tremendously entertaining.

Julie and Julia – Julie Powell

The meta implications of reading the memoir Julie and Julia: My Year of Cooking Dangerously as part of a competition to read 50 books in a year and blog about the experience is not lost on me.

Running With Scissors – Augusten Burroughs

I am convinced that everyone had a fucked up childhood. I’m not sure there is any way to escape childhood without something jacked up imprinting itself forever on your psyche.

The Yiddish Policemen’s Union – Michael Chabon

Meyer Landsmen is a police detective living in Sitka, Alaska. One night the landlord of the ramshackle flophouse he calls home knocks on his door and tells him another tenant has been murdered.

Maylene and the Sons of Disaster – III – Best rock album of 2009. Seriously.

Few subjects cause us to take up arms faster at the RUFKM, Inc. headquarters then our music preferences. Loose Cannon enjoys a good polka, and regales Boondoggle, Jack, and I with hours of dissertation on the merits of the accordion. Because he has the RUFKM, Inc. Headquarters Self Destruct System wired directly to his heart [...]

A Brief History of Cell Phones.

Somewhere Steve Jobs is laughing at you as he masturbates into a hundred dollar bill. And he’s laughing because it used to be your hundred dollar bill.

Panties, Bombs and Silly Talk

I’m flummoxed.  Bewildered. Stupified. Mystified.  Constipated. As you are probably already well aware, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab (AKA The Panty Bomber, Boxer Burner, Eunuch bomber, Thong Terrorist, Weiner Roaster) “allegedly” on Christmas Eve on a flight from Amsterdam to Detroit tried to detonate a bomb that was embedded in his suspiciously effeminate panties. Of course, there [...]

I’m in Space, Bitch!

I told myself that if ever I had the chance to look down upon the earth from the Heavens, I would contact my family as soon as possible and tell them how much they mean to me.