13 Stupid Questions with I Love Rich

The legendary Chicago rock band I Love Rich recently contacted RUFKM headquarters with an interview request to help promote their newest CD  Season of the Rich, their worthy followup to their quintessential album Year of the Rich.

Widely acclaimed as another “ILR” classic, Season of the Rich rocked Planet Earth when it debuted worldwide and burned up the charts – the album is also the highest charting release of I Love Rich’s career in the USA.

I Love Rich spent over four years crafting the new classics “Fuck All Night, “I’m Only Here Because Your Sister Said No,” and “Everybody’s Getting Laid Tonight.”  We sat down with Rich, the lead singer of I Love Rich to discuss his songwriting process, their new world tour, and his involvement in the Make a Wish Foundation.  However, that proved to be really fucking boring so we decided to stick to our guns and ask a variety of obnoxious and insulting questions peppered with dick and fart jokes.  For those that think this interview is a bit harsh remember that it’s A ROAST.  You make fun of what you love.  We love Rich.  Sort of.

For more information on I Love Rich, please visit I Love Rich’s website or their MySpace Page.

HEEEEEEEEERE’S RICH! (Bandmembers Drewblood, Chuck E. Sleaze, and Full Throttle were not available for comment).

1.    On your opening track “Let’s Fuck All Night” you decide to include a drum solo and a coach’s whistle something usually reserved for a double live albums or gym class.  Explain your genius.

Uh, I think drum solos are cool and that more bands should do them. And clearly, by the time we’re done we’re going to make the coach’s whistle at least as popular as the cowbell.

2.  Are the off key vocals and complete lack of singing skill part of the joke?

I think something is wrong with your ears, because clearly I am the greatest singer who ever lived.

Actually, to be honest, most of my favorite singers are guys who aren’t like technically good singers (Iggy Pop, Lemmy, Handsome Dick Manitoba) so the fact that I am not a super gifted singer like Geoff Tate or something has never bothered me. Rock and roll isn’t supposed to be perfect.

3.  The future #1 hit “I’m only here because your sister said no” contains the line “I hate every bone in your body but mine” which is the name of a C.C. Deville song.  Explain your motivation to steal material from the worst source imaginable.

I believe rock and roll should have the dumbest lyrics possible, spend a half hour or so listening to classic rock radio and you will see my point. So, I put no thought at all into our lyrics. I literally write the lyrics in the studio when the guys are recording their guitar parts. I am sure I have stolen lines from about 1,000 other songs too.  I wouldn’t be surprised if our next cd has songs titles like “Blitzkrieg Bop” and “Rock and Roll All Night and Party Every Day”. I am sure I had heard that CC Deville song, or had at least heard of it, but stealing it was unintentional.  For the record though, I did steal the title “I’ll Be Around” from the Spinners on purpose.

4.  In the 55 years you’ve been living in your parent’s basement, have they ever raised the rent?

Well, as we live in trailer park, there is no basement. And I am only 52.

5.  In a related note, when you are rehearsing in said basement and you fantasize you are playing a sold out show, are the first few rows filled with Hobbits or Wookies?

Uh, We have songs with titles like “Let’s Fuck All Night” and “Everybody’s Getting Laid Tonight”. I think it’s pretty obvious who we’re fantasizing the first few rows are full off. And the answer is, of course, that we’re fantasizing about underage boys.

Of course that’s a joke. Though if you want to start the rumor that we’re child molesters it will probably decrease the chances of my friends wanting me to baby-sit their stupid kids.

6.  Since it obviously will not be money, what payment for your EP “Season of the Rich” will you accept?

We will take shots (of good stuff, no well shit), beers, women’s undergarments, anything along those lines. You can also have a silly website or fanzine, and then not only will we give you a free EP, we will send it to you.

7.  Did you pick “I Love Rich” so you could hear people lie every time they mentioned your band’s name?

Yes, no one at all likes me. I think if you ask around town you will find this to be true, I have no friends, loved ones, or family. Everyone who meets me hates my guts.

8.  In addition, do you find it ironic that your name is Rich and yet you never will be?

First off, let me say what a fantastic, interesting question this is. Probably the best question of the 13, although they are all so brilliant it’s hard to pick a favorite. Now, I understand, you hear a band of our amazing ability, musical skill and tightness and assume that there’s no way possible mere mortals could have a band this awesome if we’re not working on the band with a trained group of top notch musical professionals 60 hours a week. But the

fact is, we all are leaders in the high-powered world of corrugated design and investment banking, and we just play music for fun. We could buy and sell any of your asses. We are all, in fact, millionaires. You know that Willis Tower downtown? That’s my summer home.

9.   In the epic track “Rise Up For Rock & Roll” you claim that “We’re coming to your town, driving you insane” and also rhyme “band” with “command” and “bank” and “tank.”  Please come clean and admit that you are the ghost writer on KISS’s Sonic Boom.

If I would have ghost written Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom wouldn’t suck like it does. Just sayin’

10.   Rumor has it that the U.S. Army has been playing Hinder albums repeatedly to terrorist detainees in Guantanamo Bay in efforts to get them to confess to crimes against humanity.  Do you feel if they would instead play “I Love Rich’s” new album instead that they would immediately confess after the first listen of “Season of the Rich” or would that in itself be a crime against humanity?

Now okay, I asked you guys to interview me knowing full well what I would be in for. You want to say the band sucks, lie about how old we are, say we’re ugly, fat jokes, girlfriend/wife jokes, dead grandma jokes, all cool and part of the shtick, I get it. But to insinuate someone’s band is worse then HINDER? That is fucking low. Really, fuck you guys. That’s a line you just don’t cross dudes.

11.   You sell some great “I Love Rich” stuff on your website that would make Gene Simmons and Geoff Taint of Queefshreik blush.  Although you did not have the foresight to sell branded BBQ Sets, Coffins or 24” replica dolls, you do sell lime-green t-shirts, coffee mugs and a teddy bear.   Explain your business model.

I LOVE RICH Branded BBQ Sets? Fuck, I should have thought of that. Anyway, clearly, you aren’t familiar with how easy it is to set up a Cafe Press Shop. It took like 20 minutes to set all that crap up, and we think it’s funny to have that shit available. Most of that crap no one buys, for good reason.  But we have (no bullshit) sold lots of the thongs though. Which I like to think has

a lot to do with my clever sales pitch, which is “Just think girls, now you can have my face in your crotch. For most of you, this is nothing new”. Though I assume, and hope, that they are bought as a joke though, as they are made from a really dirty, low quality fabric and could cause a rash or infections.

12.   Explain your theory of why Stevie Rachelle of Metal Sludge, TUFF, and CWA is terrified of RUFKM?

I doubt he’s “terrified” of you guys, he just doesn’t want to answer your stupid questions. Not really knowing, or caring about the full story (I read about half the post about it), I will offer my uninformed opinion and say this; I wouldn’t blame 99.9 percent of the planet if they didn’t want to answer your obnoxious, stupid questions. But for him, the guy who runs Metal Sludge and goes nuts and has a ”pussy list” of everyone who doesn’t answer his questions which he would never have the balls to ask someone to their face, for him to blow your questions off, well it seems a little weak to me. Sounds like a dude who can dish it out but can’t take it. Or maybe he (unlike me) actually has something more important to do with those 20 minutes.

You know, ages ago (like around 2002 or so) they said something on their site about how if you got a girl to pose next to naked in their swag, they would send you 10 questions to answer. A friend of ours volunteered for this (it was her idea, she wanted to do it, we wouldn’t have been crass enough to pimp out a friend like that otherwise) and we sent it in. We were told we were the only band who took them up on their offer (which I found hard to believe) and we would get our questions soon. Well, we’re still waiting. I do expect that they will probably be some really well thought out, interesting questions though.

13.  You have the stage presence and look of Sam Kinison on a 8-day opiate binge yet paste the phrase ”I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and musician some day, rather than just as a sex symbol.”   as your signature on all your emails.  Discuss.

Before I answer the question, let me just say as a chunky long haired guy, I have long ago accepted the fact that I am never going to be told I look like someone good looking, or even someone I actually look like.

Now, do I really have to explain my act? Well, if I must, rock and roll has been dominated for the last 20 years or so by protestant looking rich kids bitching about how terrible life is when everything is handed to you. The common theme that unites grunge, indie rock, nu-metal, mall punk and every other weak ass trend that’s come along, is that growing up in a nice suburb in a big house is the worst thing that could happen to anyone. I think it’s funny to take the opposite approach. I am this sort of everyman looking dude who had a great family but grew up in a crappy house without a lot of money in a lower-working class area, and all I do is sing about how hot I am, how good I am in bed and how awesome my life is. You can find it funny, you can really dig the band because the band rocks and you like the music, or you can think I’m retarded and an idiot, don’t really matter to me. On some level, I suppose all 3 opinions would be valid. I know this to be true though, when you go through life rambling on and on to everyone around you about how awesome you are, it’s pretty fucking surprising how many people end up believing it.