Not locking bathroom door at work leads to shame, emotional scarring

I always knock on bathroom doors. I didn’t always do this, but I have continued this courteous tradition for almost 10 years. Sometimes people simply forget to lock the door, or the lock is broken. This current tale of insanity involves a backstory of WHY. Let me begin.

The Legend of Obama Burgundy: His teleprompter works 60% of the time, all the time

It is a well documented fact that President  Obama takes his teleprompter EVERYWHERE.  He doesn’t just use it for speeches, but takes it to interviews, meetings, etc.  According to sources the times he has NOT brought his teleprompter with him, his speeches have been awful and he even enunciates the wrong words and says the [...]

Why Girls Need Boys Part 2: Doorknobs, Bathrooms, and MacGyver

Hey kids!  Make sure you read part one or you will have no idea what’s going on and how Sonnygirl locked herself in the bathroom.  Read PART ONE first.    I’m screwed and my arm and back and neck are now completely jacked up.  After ten minutes of sitting on the toilet, head in hands, I [...]

Why Girls Need Boys: A tale of doorknobs, bathrooms, and Macgyver

I’m a really handy girl.  Ask anyone.  If you need a DVD player fixed, I’ll do it.  If you want help painting your house, I’m your girl.  If you need to understand why your toilet is running, I’ll not only figure that out, I’ll also have it fixed after one quick trip to Home Depot.  [...]

Monkey Business: TylerDFC’s Adventures with Skid Row

Loose Cannon: Over the last month, I’ve been exchanging emails with Rachel Bolan, bassist and co-founder of Skid Row. He and guitarist Snake Sabo are participating in our “13 Stupid Questions” and we were already planning on seeing them on the Shiprocked Cruise along with Queensryche, Tesla, Ratt, and others. Then TylerDFC called me last [...]

13 Stupid Questions with Steel Panther

Occasionally, the geniuses at RUFKM make mistakes.  We’re only human …..  plus we do a ton of narcotics. The RUFKM  headquarters are  flooded with requests for our “13 Stupid Questions” from various PR firms,  music labels, and artists desperate to be endorsed the world’s greatest humor website. Because of the sheer volume of followup emails, sometimes we screw up [...]

RUFKM’s Fiscal Year in Review: A message from our CEO

Dear Shareholders, Employees, Mentally Deranged Stalkers and Fans of RUFKM: It is with great pleasure that we are pleased to announce that the first fiscal year of RUFKM Worldwide was a remarkable accomplishment.   We began our operation on July 17th, 2008 and just passed our first year anniversary. We started with getting about 500 [...]

Under F—ing Construction & News Update

RUFKM is getting a facelift for it’s One Year Anniversary.  We have reinvested our advertising revenue and profits from T-shirt sales back into our site.  When it’s done it’s going to look F—ing incredible. For now, the nifty shifting pictures are each links to our articles.  We are having some problems with the titles and intro [...]

Bears ticket price causes area man to throw monkey poop

If my chair was where my couch is, or if I was slightly less lazy, I would be looking at Soldier Field as I type this in my South Loop condo. I mention this not to brag or freak you out, but to paint a picture of how close I live to a place I [...]

13 Stupid Questions with Jason McMaster of Broken Teeth, Dangerous Toys

The economy has taken it’s toll on many industries, but nobody has been hit harder than the publicity department at Broken Teeth LLC. It is quite sad, but this company cannot even afford plastic cases or original copies of it’s artists music. Broken Teeth is one of several lesser known bands playing on Shiprocked, a rock and [...]

RUFKM announces Kick Ass Cruefest 2 Contest!

We have some important news. Our “13 Stupid Questions” interviews with Charm City Devils and Drowning Pool were so damn popular that the RUFKM headquarters were contacted by the promoters of Cruefest 2. No, we are not F—ing kidding you. We are proud to make the following announcement of epic proportions: RUFKM’s KICK ASS CRUEFEST 2 [...]

New Great White album a flamethrower of flaming crap

I think I found the worst album ever. It is Great White’s newest release Rising. It is so bad that not only did I delete it from my most recent playlist, I think I’m going to completely remove it from my library because it is so bad that I don’t want to risk ever having [...]

Shark Zone – Adventures in stock footage

By TylerDFC Danny Wagner: “I hate sharks, they suck.” Jimmy Wagner: “Yes, they do.” I like to take notes when I am watching movies so that when I sit down to write about them I won’t be forced to make stuff up off the top of my head. While watching Shark Zone I began to [...]