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RUFKMSouth Florida Doofus proud of “No Fat Chicks” bumper sticker
June 22, 2009 by Loose Cannon
Filed under Loose Cannon's Shenanigans, New Content
I have been fascinated with bumper stickers my entire life; I find it incredible that they actually exist. Like Larry Glidewell’s story about cartoon character stickers, I don’t see the point of letting the world know about my hobbies. Plus, it actually puts your car at risk. For example, this could happen:
- Man walks out of a bar after spending the last 10 hours drinking various mind numbing potions.
Man sees car with sticker that says “I brake for unicorns.”- Man has hated unicorns his entire life.
- Man is enraged. Finally has revenge on this despised mystical creature by keying “I Toss Salad” in 3-D lettering across the right passenger door.
- Man walks another three steps and then vomits on a small shrub.
Usually the above example occurs when it’s a bumper sticker stating a sports team or candidate that some moron disapproves of…. but you get my point.
But there was one sticker I saw today on the way to work that was more brain busting than any I’d previosly witnessed.
On a 2006 Chevy Silverado (Quad Cab) there was a bumper sticker on the back window that said:
“NO FAT CHICKS”
Are you fucking kidding me?
You must understand that there were many steps that led to this sticker being placed on this GM vehicle and me spotting it on my commute.
Doofus walks into Spencer’s to purchase Fart Machine for wife- Doofus gets distracted by wonderful display of shiny stickers of many shapes and sizes
- Doofus spots a “NO FAT CHICKS” sticker and finds it to be a perfect compliment to his truck that summarizes his world view
- Doofus purchases two in case one gets scratched, he’s in a pinch, and cannot get to Spencer’s to replace it
- Doofus smiles all the way to the unemployment office knowing life is complete.
But what does “NO FAT CHICKS” mean? Is he simply stating that he disapproves of overweight females or is it something deeper? Please share your theories in the comment section as this sticker is worse than one I also saw that said “Eschew Obfuscation.” This means “avoid confusion.” Get it? The phrase is already confusing! Awful.
Keep on truckin’!
The reason is quite simple. It allows you to run over fat chicks. When the police officer shows up, you simply point to the sticker and the cop with see. “I see. Well, carry on then.”
In comunist Russia, fat chicks have “No Douchebags” stikers.
I have no idea what that means but thank you for contributing. It’s always nice to meet a fan.
It’s quite obvious that the gentleman simply does not like large ladies and is expressing that sentiment to others. It’s free speech and we should be proud to live in a country where this fine man can say whatever is on his mind and that there are companies that will produce these fine bumper stickers.
In communist Russia, a horse actually rides you.
This particular bumper sticker is a work of reverse psychology. The doofus actually loves fat chicks. He hopes to anger the bulbous beauties into an argument, which if all goes well, ends with a hate sex sesh and a bucket of KFC (orginal of course because everyone knows extra crispy blows).
I have never seen a “no fat chicks” sticker on a car that is (a) nice or (b) driven by an attractive male.