Local Man’s Commute Delayed by Taz, Tweety Bird

This is a new article by one of our new writers, Larry Glidewell. He probably will change his name soon but has decided to use his porn name for now.  He is an extremely angry, unbalanced, vengeful bastard.  We should know, we can smell our own.  Enjoy his first rant. 

 

To begin, I should state that I consider myself somewhat of an aggressive driver, the type that believes that people who drive slowly in the left lane or turn without signaling should have their licenses revoked or certainly suffer a severe beating from time to time.   So, as I wove my way in and out of cars on the five-mile journey from home to work (realizing that my reckless driving only saves around 45 seconds total on a good day) I came face-to-face with what I consider possibly the most idiotic item someone could place on their car, even worse than adding a spoiler and rims to a Neon. 

The aforementioned item was a Looney Tunes Tasmanian Devil cartoon character.  This cartoon had the words “Back Off” scrolled above it and was painted onto a spare tire cover of what looked to be a ’95 Geo Tracker.   I have seen this image millions of times before, but as I sat waiting for the light to change, I had the following thoughts:

 Who the fuck are these people?

 What would cause someone to purchase that such a ridiculous thing? 

Did they think at the time that other people would find it comical or are they just huge Tasmanian Devil fanatics and want the world to share in their love of children’s cartoons?

Nonetheless, when the light turned green and I passed, I was unsurprised to find an overweight middle-aged redneck woman behind the wheel – surely the owner to at least two dogs and five cats.

As if that wasn’t enough Looney Tunes to hold me over for the day, as I walked in my building I was passed by an exiting bank customer wearing a black leather jacket with a gigantic Tweety Bird on the back.

 “Are You Fucking Kidding Me??” 

Who are these people living amongst us?  Grown men and woman not seeing a problem adorning a childhood cartoon character in public?  Are these the same people I see wearing their pajamas to the grocery store at 3 pm?  Do these people realize the statement you’re making is “I no longer care about nor wish to be a part of society?” 

So, I couldn’t resist; I stopped this stocky young woman and told her how much I liked her jacket and asked her where she made such a purchase.  She said it was a gift (yet another reason to wear these items surfaces!)  I, of course, was mocking her, but it made her day.  Comedy truly lies in the eyes of the beholder. 

So I leave you with this thought:

Some of you may be thinking:

 “But I have Looney Tunes apparel and feature my Bugs Bunny sweater vest every Thursday.  ”

More power to you.  But just remember, people smiling at you are not complimenting your shirt, they’re taking mental notes and thinking “Are you fucking kidding me?”