13 Stupid Questions with The Last Vegas

Have you ever asked yourself:

“What would Motley Crue sound like if they did not have Vince Neil stumbling around the stage incoherently mumbling the lyrics to their greatest hits and instead hired Josh Todd of Buckcherry as their lead singer?”

No.

How about dreaming of a band that redefines sleaze, brings back the Sunset Strip in all its glory and offers original and insightful lyrics such as “crave your scent”,”there’s a little bit of me in every one of you,” and “she likes to fuck on a bed of money.”

Now you’re talking.

What would you say if this band actually existed, their latest album Whatever Gets You Off was produced by Nikki Sixx and DJ Ashba, and you probably heard them when you were in the bathroom on Motley Crue’s Saints of Los Angeles tour?

What?

Plus, they were the inaugural winners of the annual “Guitar Center On Stage” competition beating out nearly 8,000 bands. You’ve probably even had the pleasure of already hearing them on Guitar Hero 2, Nascar.com, NBC Sports, UK’s Kerrang Radio, MTV, MTV2, Fox, Fuel TV, Fearless TV/Radio, Q101, WLUP and on Oprah (episode #14,321″My Baby Daddy’s last name is Cherry”)

Are you F—ing kidding me?  

Of course, only one band fits this bill. Their mission? Bringing sleaze rock back to the masses, creating new signature songs for strippers named ‘Destiny”, and cock-swinging at the Whiskey A-Go-Go.  

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the impeccable, incorrigible, funny band-member-named, The Last Vegas!

Early on we recognized the greatness of this band and felt that they were perfect candidates for RUFKM’s “13 Stupid Questions”.  When we learned that frontman Chad Cherry would answer our stupid questions we nearly shit our pants.

And when he did, it was magic. 

So without further adieu.

Heeeeerrrreeees Chaaaaadddddd…..

 

1.  You call your band “The Last Vegas,” you’re from Chicago but you sound like you all crawled out the gutter of the Sunset Strip.  Please explain yourselves.  

 O.K…Let’s just start out with

 how messed up our parents were when they gave us our birth names! Nathan Wolfgang, Johnny Wator, Danny Smash, Adam D’ arling, and Chad Cherry!?!?!? We had no choice, it was either pornstar or rockstar.. There is no explanation for being filthy, deranged, rocker boys. I guess we just wanted to impress prostitutes and pimps.

2.  In a related note, if a new band came out called “The First Vegas” and became more famous how pissed would you be?

 You really can’t get anymore famous then The Last Vegas….It’s lonely at the top. I guess we would’nt get pissed off, we would just feel sorry for them. (The First Vegas that is)

 3.  When you sing, it’s done with what few frontman have:  Swagger.  Is this a natural born gift or did you simply apply a shitload of Old Spice?  

 Natural born gift, I think not. But you were close. I get my swagger from “combining” Old Spice “with” Brute. then for that added kick a couple splashes of Jack Daniels and a dose of Stetson for men. Top it off with a half a bottle of Prozac and I’m out the door ready to go.

4.  We are very confused.  After several listens to your single “I’m Bad” we can see no similarities between your cover of Michael Jackson’s classic.  Why didn’t you do it the right way like Alien Ant Farm’s cover of Smooth Criminal?  

Well, after having several sleep overs at Jacko’s place, the thrill was kinda gone…Ya know? 

5.On the track “Dirty Things You Do” you make reference to being acquainted with a lady who “likes to fuck on a bed of money.”  This is both disgusting and dangerous as money is a very unsanitary substitute for sheets.  Have you ever had paper cuts on your nutsack or a rash on your taint as a result of engaging in this activity? 

 It’s fine, It’s fine – Febreze and 5 o’Clock Vodka takes care of everything.

6.  We at RUFKM find “Whatever Gets You Off” to be killer.  Motley Crue is obviously one of your influences and Nikki Sixx was even one of the producers on the album.  During the recording process, did Nikki notice how fucking great it sounded and try to sabotage the album by adding flutes and techno music as you completely out-Crued the Crue? 

Actually, we originally had a 30 minute French horn/bagpipe solo on one of the tracks that morphed into this really cool gangster rap/yodelling prog/jazz thing that we thought rocked, but Nikki was’nt having it. 

7.  In a related note, do you plan on mumbling lyrics and singing every fourth word in concert as a tribute to Vince Neil?

Vince Neil is great! It’s that Tom Cruise guy ya gotta watch out for.

8.  Cherry and Smash are spectacular last names.  Were you pissed that Rockitt and Deville were already taken?

I’m not sure if I’ve heard of those fellas. Were’nt Rockitt and Deville the first married couple (from Guam right?) in space?

9.  How do you respond to Jani Lane’s outrageous claim that “Cherry Red” is a rip-off of “Cherry Pie,” he has trademarked the word “Cherry,”  and that you will soon have to change your last name to “Tucker?” 

YEAH!! Jani Lane!!! She’s like the hottest chick in porn right?

10.  We all legally downloaded “Whatever Gets You Off” from iTunes for the amazing price of $5.99 a month ago.  It is now listed at $9.99.  What the hell is Steve Jobs doing and do we each owe you $4.00? 

Actually you owe me an even $100 for making me look at that picture of Brian Urlacher.

11.  Let’s talk current events.   There is a huge public debate on whether or not waterboarding constitutes torture under the U.N. Convention on Against Torture and Cruel, Inhuman and Degrading Treatments (UNCAT) ratified by the U.S. in 1994.  Based on your personal experiences on the S.O.L.A. tour, should being forced to listen to Hinder every night fall under the same statute?

Holy Shit! You guys are good!

12.  Please come clean and reveal that Tom Keifer of Cinderella is on backing vocals on the ballad “Apologize.”

No, It’s not Tom Keifer…It’s Tom Cruise.

13.  Finally, please respond to the rumors that your guitarists Adam and Johnny are both Slash’s illegitimate children.  Do not deny this fact as this can be the only explanation. 

I have to deny the fact guys. In truth – they are both my children (I started young..Babies making babies you know..) Their mother is one of the gals from the Spice Girls……Or was it L7….????

Thanks “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?” I’m going to go fuck myself now. Cheers, Chad Cherry – THE LAST VEGAS       

OK.  

Let’s Review.  

Chad was molested as a youth at the Neverland Ranch, claims he has an unscathed taint, completely avoided a question about Vince Neil’s inability to form a complete sentence while singing live, and made several mind boggling references to Tom Cruise.  

He did, however, admit that Hinder stinks worse than Kevin James’s nutsack after a 6 mile jog. 

Well played, Mr. Cherry.  Well played. 

Thanks to Mr. Cherry for having swagger and a sense of humor, Jackie at 10th Street Entertainment, and Scary Spice.  

Download Whatever Gets You Off  from this nifty jukebox immediately, if not sooner.  

For more “13 Stupid Questions” with Anthrax, Tesla, Ministry, etc. click HERE