13 Stupid Questions with Al Jourgensen of Ministry, etc.

We have had endless debates at the RUFKM headquarters of who would be best suited for candidates for our world famous “13 Stupid Questions.”  However, since we began this series of ridiculous Q&A, one man was always at the top of the list.

Al Jourgensen, best known as as the founder and frontman of the recently retired band Ministry.

Why?  He’s out of his fucking mind.  In a good way.

For those not familiar with Uncle Al’s body of work, during Ministry’s 27 year run, his band put out great albums like The Mind is a Terrible Thing to Taste and Dark Side of the Spoon. He also started a slew of other bands during that time with equally great names like “Revolting Cocks,” “1000 Homo DJs,” and “Buck Satan and the 666 Shooters.”  Plus, occasionally he prefers to be addressed not as “Al” but by several other names such as “Alien Dog Star.”

Are You F—ing Kidding Me?  How could we NOT interview him?

His unique (read: crazy) career gave us a wealth of spectacular (read: insane) material.  When we finally got in contact with his management and were given the green light to send Al our questions, we figured it would be awhile until he got back to us since he releases an album of new material from one of his 38 bands every Tuesday.

Nope!  He got right back to us with spectacular laugh inducing answers.

Warning:  This will make coffee come out your nose and, possibly, make you shart with glee.

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeres  Al!

Al Jourgensen of Ministry: 13 Stupid Questions

1. Besides “Al” you go by several ridiculous stage names such as Dog Star, Buck Satan, and Hypo Luxo. From our research, the only stage name you haven’t used is “Hot Bag of Cock Juice.” Who are we speaking to today?

Hot Bag of Cock Juice will do just fine – just don’t sue me if I start using that.

2.  In a related note, please respond to vicious rumors that Prince stole your plan of changing your name to an unpronounceable symbol.

Get a Life! Wait a minute….in a related question, just what is the symbol for Hot Bag of Cock Juice? Is it that thing Prince was using? I hope not or that scumbag will be talking to my lawyers.

3. At one point you were a radio DJ. Give us your best intro to “Hot Blooded” by those no-talent-slut-puppies Foreigner.

“Thissssss one’s for the LayyyyyDeeeez!”

4. There’s a legend that you were once alone and living on a farm, six sheets to the wind, had no car, and were out of alcohol/cocaine/hookers. To solve this dilemma you drove a riding lawnmower that went about 2 MPH into town and were issued a DUI sometime into your 30 mile journey. Please elaborate on this outrageous story.

This is absolutely fucking false. My lawnmower does about 25 mph.

5. You played the role of (shocking) a rock star in the film A. I.: Artificial Intelligence. Please share a story about your attempt to corrupt the innocence of Haley Joel Osment or if you said “Dude, this movie is going to be boring as fuck!” to Steven Spielberg while on the set.

I never said a word to that little brat. I did tell Spielberg though that the band was gonna quit because we were told AI stood for ‘Anal Intruder’ and we were expecting to be in a porno.

6. It’s time for honesty. If a band releases an album with 12 tracks, with few exceptions, some songs are complete steaming turds. You are responsible for six separate bands that release up to six albums a year. Can you stand before the RUFKM Army and state that all of these songs are gems?

I think they all suck without exception. It’s not my fault you idiots bought them.

7.  Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails states he can bench press 3 of you.  Respond to this accusation.

Trent needs to get off the steroids. Statements like that exhibit severe “roid rage.” I’m very worried about him. How does he expect to get into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame if they start mandatory testing for that shit?

8. Many musical artists decide to issue press releases when they have important announcements like your decision to end Ministry. However, you made this historic statement last November in Hustler Magazine. Explain why you opted to make this announcement between a picture of a stripper proudly displaying her birth canal and an ad for the film “All Holes Need Filling Vol. 8.”

Because the pictures of the pregnant nun getting ass fucked and the horse getting double-jacked by retarded farm twins already had a story between them. It was an editorial decision, I had no control.

9. You have spectacular names for all your bands like “Revolting Cocks,” “1000 Homo DJs,” and “Lard.” We at RUFKM have created one more for you to use that will shake the music industry to its foundation: “The Tasty Taints!” which you can also refer to as “T3.” This is free of charge. Comment on our genius.

You guys truly are complete fucking idiots.

10. On a related note, if you were going to start yet another band whose entire purpose was to release lame, unlistenable, uninspired music, would you call that band “Hinder?

I was leaning more towards RUFKM, after another uninspired giant in the “entertainment” world.

11. Give us a full list of all the venereal diseases you’ve had in alphabetical order.

Chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis. I’ve also had Hepatitis A, B, C and am currently working on D.

12. To your fans, you’re a superhero. However, a few years ago when you were bitten by a venomous spider you almost lost your arm instead of gaining the ability to swing building to building fighting crime while still releasing albums with nonsensical titles. Please explain this failure to genetically mutate.

I didn’t want to end up playing drums for Def Leppard.

13. Finally, give us a story about collaborating with William S. Boroughs as the “shenanigan-meter” had to be completely off the charts.

Me and “Bill” were fixin’ to shoot some dope at his house when he pulls out this leather tool belt filled with 1950s type glass syringes a/l/a Pulp Fiction. I thought that was so cool that I went out and I bought a leather tool belt too! But then I quite heroin, so now all I put in there is tools. I’m sorry I’ve let you all down. Now go fuck off and never contact me again.

Wow.

Let’s recap.  Buck Satan admitted that we’ve all been scammed into buying his crappy music, gave us a full list of his social diseases, and told us to fuck ourselves.  Plus he used the term “Anal Intruder,” a first in “13 Stupid Questions” rich history.  That was amazing.

Thanks goes out to Heidi for arranging the interview and, of course, to Uncle Al!

Check out more “13 Stupid Questions HERE.

Blabbermouth Info - In addition to  answering stupid questions, Al is a huge Chicago Blackhawks fan and hosts “Uncle Al’s Puck Talk”, heard on WXRK-FM‘s (104.9)  show every Wednesday at 5:00 p.m. Eastern and streamed at www.wxrx.com.  Jourgensen sees the release of “Adios …Puta Madres”, a double-DVD set that documents the band’s 2008 final world tour, “C U LaTouR”, in stores May 26. “Adios…Puta Matres” features 15 live performance tracks and a 45-minute on-the-road “rockumentary” that follows the band from rehearsals all the way to their final shows in Europe.  – www.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabbermouth.net