Yanni, Boxing the Clown, and Airborne Chairs – Your Sports Week in Review

By Ceon Foosheys

In an effort to be as vain as possible, I will now be compiling the weekly best-of-RUFKM Sports Twitter post, deciding which of my own brilliant tweets deserves more attention. 

Instead of simply copying and pasting all of the tweets from the past week and calling it a day, I will be ranking the top four sports stories that made me say “Are you F—ing kidding me?” during the past week.

Fourth Place: “Delaware State forfeits conference game so they can beat Michigan instead” http://tinyurl.com/ovyqbj

This story about college football tells a familiar tale: school meets money, school falls in love, school compromises its integrity to line its pockets. The nut of it is that Delaware State chose to play a road game at traditional power Michigan instead of playing conference rival North Carolina A&T at home. So the whatever they’re called will open next season with an 0-1 record in whatever conference they just told to go F itself. 

Bronze Medal: “Ousted by Yanni, Capitals and Penguins play back to back” http://tinyurl.com/ppslxt

The arena business requires booking as many events as possible. The NHL playoff business requires the home teams to have access to these arenas every other night. The fine folks at Mellon Arena erred on the side of booking many events, specifically Yanni, Dane Cook and WWE. The best part is that Yanni said he could relate to the hockey players because he was a champion athlete as a youth. And no, I made no effort to confirm that.

Runner-Up: “There’s no cheering (or chair throwing) in the press box” http://tinyurl.com/o943o8

Fuck your Penguins. I'm Yanni, Bitch!

Champion:  “Bills FB arrested for masturbating in woman’s yard” http://tinyurl.com/onz2x5

A 59-year-old lady looked out her window at 8:30 a.m. one morning only to see a man in her yard pleasuring his self. This man was identified as Buffalo Bills fullback Corey McIntyre, who was recently charged with exposure of his sexual organs.  This could be a case of mistaken identification, or possibly the funniest crime ever committed.