Steve Jobs Gets Brain Cancer, iTunes Employees Lose Sense of Humor

As a world-renowned celebrity, Captain Boondoggle receives a multitude of fan mail from the much less fortunate wanting to know more about the Great Boondoggle.   For many, this hero worship is so great that they want to completely comprehend and fully grasp the power and magnificence of what it is to be Boondoggle. 

 

 

As a magnanimous hero of my unrivaled stature, who perhaps owes a minuscule portion of my greatness to my fans, it is my solemn duty to oblige these misanthropes with even the smallest taste of my grandeur.  In only so that for a moment, they to can escape from their meaningless lives and feel the awesomeness of Being Boondoggle.

 

In order to bestow such a gift to the army of Boondoggilites, I elected to assemble a playlist and submit said playlist to iTunes for publication for the entire world to enjoy and savor. 

 

After some consideration, I created, much like Beethoven, a playlist unlike any other for publication on Apple’s iTunes.  This playlist includes songs written about Boondoggle and if you listen carefully to each you will be treated, if only for a moment, to what it means to be Boondoggle.

 

 

 

Upon submitting playlist, I added the following description for those not intimately familiar with the greatness of Boondoggle:

 

Whether at the gym, engaging in professional ‘little people’ tossing or simply running from the police the Glorious Captain Boondoggle of RUFKM.NET fame has selected a song for every occasion.  A mix of rock, heavy metal and some bands that refuse to be categorized Captain Boondoggle’s Gym mix is exactly what his fans have been demanding.  From the melodies of Pop Evil to the guttural screaming of Lamb of God this mix has a song for every metal head that finds themselves in a gym either running on a tread mill, lifting weights or simply wondering what it would be like to be Boondoggle the Great for a day.  How did this mix include a Nickelback song?  How could it not? 

 

Who the hell is American Dog, Pure Inc, or Big C**k?  Only the magnificent bastard, a true bad motherfu***r, a real-life redneck, certified mothef***er of the year,  driving a freight train, the irrepressible and indestructible Boondoggle.

 

Are you F—ing kidding me?

 

Upon submitting my playlist, I reclined in my chair and waited for a call from Steve Jobs himself, thanking me for my submission and offering me millions for the exclusive rights to publish such a masterpiece. 

 

Instead, I received the following drivel:

 

Dear Captain Boondoggle:

 

Thank you for submitting your playlist “Captain Boondoggle’s Gym Mix”, unfortunately it cannot be published because we find that many of our users may find that it is offensive.  Please review your play list and description per iTunes terms of service and resubmit for further consideration. 

 

Sincerely,

 

The iTunes Team

 

Again.  Are you F—ing kidding me?

 

A service that provides music by The Killer Dwarves, Big Cock and George Michael finds my humble playlist humble because I dare to mention midget tossing, running from the police, rednecks and most alarmingly Nickelback finds what I submit to be “offensive”? 

 

More outraged than TylerDFC by grammatical errors and the last vote on American Idol, I stewed in the RUFKM offices alone awaiting for this transgression to be resolved. 

 

This censorship has caused my fans to forever be deprived from my greatness, my magnum opus, my Gettysburg Address, my manifesto and darkened the world of iTunes for all. 

 

After some consternation, I elected to resubmit with the following description:

 

Captain Boondoggle’s Censored Playlist includes earth shattering tunes across the entire music spectrum that do not include mention of midget tossing, profanity, or reference to the greatest website ever created by mankind.  These things are wrong and could be found offensive, especially by those with no sense of humor or who take themselves so damn seriously that that they don’t understand that the band Big Cock is dedicated to a one-eyed rooster.  Instead you get songs filled with pounding beats, heavy guitar riffs, insightful lyrics and without mention of Boondoggle being a motherf****r or that given the opportunity he would gladly provide you a blumpkin free of charge. I’m positive it will be a hit.  

 

 

Guess what? 

 

Success.

Dear Captain Boondoggle,  Congratulations, your iMix “Captain Boondoggle Censored Gym Mix” has been published in the iTunes Music store at: http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewIMix?id=310540930       Captain Boondoggle Censored Gym Mix  Playlist Notes:

Check it out along with my next submission “Brain Cancer Remix for Individuals with Diminished Sense of Humor”. 

 

Screw iTunes.  Go to our RUFKMtunes music store instead.  79 cents each!  Click “Store” at the top of the page, check out this jukebox chock full of the above songs, or click HERE.  

 

Bastard Boondoggle Out.