13 Stupid Questions with TESLA
Judging by the numerous Google searches and questions from fans with respect to our review of Tesla’s Forever More, there is some pent-up demand to learn more about one of the most underrated rock groups of the past quarter century. We’ve found our review has helped Tesla fans rediscover their love of this band and introduced a new generation of fans to their stellar body of work. While we are pleased by this response and the willingness of the members of the RUFKM ARMY to do anything we tell them, we thought it would be worthwhile to delve a little more into the psychology of the band and learn more directly from the source.
OK. Enough bullshit. Maybe we just wanted to start a new section terrorizing our favorite rock bands with a list of ridiculous questions.
As such, our people contacted Tesla’s people and those people called our people and then we had some other people put together a list of questions to give to their people. Those people eventually contacted the band to participate in the debut of RUFKM’s Interview with a Rock Star: 13 Stupid Questions.
We were extremely excited that Tesla guitarist Dave Rude was chosen to waste his time. Dave joined Tesla in 2006 after being discovered – like everyone it seems these days – on his MySpace page. He has played on Tesla’s Real to Real covers album and their latest excellent release Forever More. We didn’t know much about Dave but his bio on Tesla’s website says he was inspired to pick up the guitar listening to Appetite for Destruction. As we have an entire section dedicated to GNR, this was a clear indication that he’d be a good interview.
Are You F—ing Kidding Me? He was a great interview.
Tesla’s 13 Stupid Question Interview
1. Let’s just get this on the table right away. Who are you, why should anyone care, and why did you agree to answer these stupid questions?
I’m Dave Rude, firemen should care, and I’ve got a side-deal worked out with our publicist where I earn 50 cents per answered question. That’s $65 bones, bitches!!!
2. Your newest album, Forever More, is probably Tesla’s best work yet with a modern and heavy sound. What kind of response are you getting to this masterpiece besides people scratching their head and exclaiming “Tesla released a new album?!”
Thank you. The response to our new material has been great at the shows, aside from all the people asking for Head and Shoulders. This ain’t Walgreen’s, people!!
3. As a new addition, how do you feel your guitar work contributes to Tesla’s overall sound? When you play Tesla classics live, do you try to stay faithful to the original or add your own updated spin?
The guys have always been extremely cool to me, and encouraged me to put my own spin on things. I still stay faithful to the most classic, memorable stuff in leads because if I was in the crowd I’d be the one throwing the beer at the new guy if he changed the solo to “What You Give.”
4. Lets role play. You are now an evil computer genius and developed a computer virus. This program invades a computer’s hard drive, deletes all current music files, and replaces them with only one song -”Signs”, Would you call this virus “Five Man Acoustical Spam?”
How did you find out about my so-called “plan”? Have the people at Lawrence-Livermore Labs been spreading their libertarian lies again?!?! They were sworn to secrecy, damnit!! Sworn!!!
5. Dave, It may come as a surprise to you, but our extensive research indicates that one Nikola Tesla was recognized by the Supreme Court in 1943 as being the rightful inventor of the radio. In light of this fact, do you find it ironic that you joined a band named “Tesla” but Tesla is rarely, if ever, played on the radio?
I’ll have you know that State Radio Of The Great Nation Of North Korea plays us in regular rotation. We’re on Kim Jong-Il’s iPod!!
6. Since you’ve only been around the last couple years, we wanted to inform you that your bandmates have not (yet) appeared on any reality shows, driven drunk while shooting up heroin through a school zone, shown up on stage smashed on prescription grade pharmaceuticals while incoherently mumbling the lyrics to your greatest hits or shown up in poorly made home pornos with a former Baywatch “actresses”. What Tesla HAS done is create quality and relevant music for the past 25 years. This is unacceptable. Will you change this?
Yes. I’ve already appeared (drunk) on “Britain’s Got Talent” (the UK was thrilled by the revelation that I’d never been kissed!), ridden camels through the desert after one too many puffs at the local Hookah-palooza in Cairo, hassled the overnight pharmacists at CVS with my incessant requests for “The good shit”, and I’ve got a hookup for the “ditzy” part on the next season of “Rock Of Love”.
7. Based on the band’s personal experiences of touring with David Lee Roth, have you learned which is bigger: his ego or Rosie O’Donnell’s ass?
I wasn’t in the band in 1987, but if I had been (at 9 years old) I would have been THRILLED to meet Sammy Hagar! (Editors Note: We were searching for an anecdote that Dave heard from his other band members when Tesla toured with Diamond Dave’s solo band, not Van Halen. We understood that Mr. Rude joined in 2006, and in hindsight, we weren’t exactly crystal clear with that question).
8. The track “In a Hole Again” on Forever More seems a departure from Tesla’s past catalog and one that should be a certifiable #1 hit on radio today and in constant hourly rotation. Do you think that if this track had been released by some no-talent Canadian ass-clowns like Nickleback instead of Tesla that it would be the hit it deserves to be?
Well since I wrote the bulk of the music for that song, I definitely agree with you on its pure genius. However, there will only be ONE gang of no-talent ass-clowns playing it on tour, and we’re from CALIFORNIA!!
9. Do you have a favorite Tesla song to play live or more importantly a Tesla song that makes you want to kick Jeff Keith In the nutsack when It shows up on the set list?
Look, I’m getting tired of these bait-and-switch questions! Just cut to the chase and ask me about Fannie Mae! I’m sick of you E-Trade.com sharks!!
10. Speaking of kicking people in the nuts, are you proud to be working with a band who called one of their albums Bust A Nut? Have you talked about the creative process behind this title? Was Tesla upset that Lick it Up and Slide it In where already taken? With that theme in mind, has working with Tesla made you consider renaming your side project, the imaginatively titled “The Dave Rude Band,” to “Exploding Hairy Balls?”
Literary allusions have been popular devices since the days of Charles Dickens. I’ve always thought of that album title as an “homage”, as it were, to the Christmas classic, “The Nutcracker”. And though I hesitate to respond to sarcasm, I’ll admit I have been thinking about changing the name of the “Dave Rude Band”. To “Metallica”. Shhhh.
11. How do you respond to the rampant Internet rumors that “Modern Day Cowboy” was the catalyst for Ronald Reagan’s foreign policy with the U.S.S.R and was responsible for ending the Cold War?
It also ended the stalemate between the American Indian tribes and the government of North Dakota.
12. Tesla shows are typically not known for childish tomfoolery such as massive fireworks, “boobie cams”, and strippers dancing on faux stripper poles, so just what can your fans expect at a Tesla show this summer besides Brian Wheat showing up dressed like George Patton?
I’m planning to have my tech, Chris Cary, light off an M-80 firecracker at the beginning of “Love Song” just to give the crowd a surprise thrill!! Take that, Hinder!!
13. Come on, admit it. Now that you’ve been around for a few years, has it been revealed that Luccketta’s “drum” work on 2004′s Into the Now was really a Caisio synthesizer, two turntables and a microphone?
Where it’s at…
And that’s it. Well, for RUFKM’s inaugural Interview with a Rock Star: 13 Stupid Questions, we think it went swimmingly. As we are known for our less than honest pranks, fake headlines, and other shenanigans feel free to click Tesla’s brand spanking new website to verify we are indeed Not Fucking Kidding You.
Special thanks to Dave Rude and Tesla’s PR rep extraordinaire Janie for setting up the interview. Dave ended up being a great sport and showed he had a good sense of humor. Captain Boondoggle should take notes from him. While his answers were sometimes confusing ( Firemen? E-trade? Lawrence-Livermore?) at least he’s not a navel-gazing narcissist. He also hates Hinder. We like that. However, his math skills (50 cents * 13 = 65 bucks?) are questionable. But we don’t mind, and neither does his embezzling manager.
For Dave’s efforts, purchase all of Tesla’s albums from RUFKMtunes by sampling from the jukebox below . Also make sure to see Tesla and Dave’s side project “Metallica” on tour this summer!