Sunday, April 20, 2014

13 Stupid Questions with TESLA

tesla_name_bw

Judging by the numerous Google searches and questions from fans with respect to our review of Tesla’s Forever More, there is some pent-up demand to learn more about one of the most underrated rock groups of the past quarter century.  We’ve found our review has helped Tesla fans rediscover their love of tesla69this band and introduced a new generation of fans to their stellar body of work.  While we are pleased by this response and the willingness of the members of the RUFKM ARMY to do anything we tell them, we thought it would be worthwhile to delve a little more into the psychology of the band and learn more directly from the source.

OK.   Enough bullshit.  Maybe we just wanted to start a new section terrorizing our favorite rock bands with a list of ridiculous questions.

As such, our people contacted Tesla’s people and those people called our people and then we had some other people put together a list of questions to give to their people.  Those people eventually contacted the band to participate in the debut of RUFKM’s Interview with a Rock Star:  13 Stupid Questions.

Confused?  Good.

We were extremely excited that Tesla guitarist Dave Rude was chosen to waste his time.  Dave joined Tesla in 2006 after being discovered – like everyone it seems these days – on his MySpace page. He has played on Tesla’s Real to Real covers album and their latest excellent release Forever More. We didn’t know much about Dave but his bio on Tesla’s website says he was inspired to pick up the guitar listening to Appetite for Destruction. As we have an entire section dedicated to GNR, this was a clear indication that he’d be a good interview.

Are You F—ing Kidding Me?    He was a great interview.

So………..

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeres Dave!

Tesla’s 13 Stupid Question Interview

According to these pictures, Dave only owns one shirt.  Perhaps an RUFKM T-shirt would complete his wardrobe.

According to these pictures, Dave only owns one shirt. Perhaps an RUFKM T-shirt would complete his wardrob

1.  Let’s just get this on the table right away.  Who are you, why should anyone care, and why did you agree to answer these stupid questions?

I’m Dave Rude, firemen should care, and I’ve got a side-deal worked out with our publicist where I earn 50 cents per answered question.  That’s $65 bones, bitches!!!

2. Your newest album, Forever More, is probably Tesla’s best work yet with a modern and heavy sound. What kind of response are you getting to this masterpiece besides people scratching their head and exclaiming “Tesla released a new album?!”

Thank you.  The response to our new material has been great at the shows, aside from all the people asking for Head and Shoulders.  This ain’t Walgreen’s, people!!

3.  As a new addition, how do you feel your guitar work contributes to Tesla’s overall sound?  When you play Tesla classics live, do you try to stay faithful to the original or add your own updated spin?

The guys have always been extremely cool to me, and encouraged me to put my own spin on things.  I still stay faithful to the most classic, memorable stuff in leads because if I was in the crowd I’d be the one throwing the beer at the new guy if he changed the solo to “What You Give.”

4.  Lets role play.  You are now an evil computer genius and developed a computer virus.  This program invades a computer’s hard drive, deletes all current music files, and replaces them with only one song -”Signs”, Would you call this virus “Five Man Acoustical Spam?”

How did you find out about my so-called “plan”?  Have the people at Lawrence-Livermore Labs been spreading their libertarian lies again?!?!  They were sworn to secrecy, damnit!!  Sworn!!!

5.  Dave, It may come as a surprise to you, but our extensive research indicates that one Nikola Tesla was recognized by the Supreme Court in 1943 as being the rightful inventor of the radio.  In light of this fact, do you find it ironic that you joined a band named “Tesla” but Tesla is rarely, if ever, played on the radio?

I’ll have you know that State Radio Of The Great Nation Of North Korea plays us in regular rotation.  We’re on Kim Jong-Il’s iPod!!

6.  Since you’ve only been around the last couple years, we wanted to inform you that your bandmates have not (yet) appeared on any reality shows, driven drunk while shooting up heroin through a school zone, shown up on stage smashed on prescription grade pharmaceuticals while incoherently mumbling the lyrics to your greatest hits or shown up in poorly made home pornos with a former Baywatch “actresses”. What Tesla HAS done is create quality and relevant music for the past 25 years.  This is unacceptable.  Will you change this?

Yes.  I’ve already appeared (drunk) on “Britain’s Got Talent” (the UK was thrilled by the revelation that I’d never been kissed!), ridden camels through the desert after one too many puffs at the local Hookah-palooza in Cairo, hassled the overnight pharmacists at CVS with my incessant requests for “The good shit”, and I’ve got a hookup for the “ditzy” part on the next season of “Rock Of Love”.

7.  Based on the band’s personal experiences of touring with David Lee Roth,  have you learned which is bigger:  his ego or Rosie O’Donnell’s ass?

I wasn’t in the band in 1987, but if I had been (at 9 years old) I would have been THRILLED to meet Sammy Hagar!  (Editors Note:  We were searching for an anecdote that Dave heard from his other band members when Tesla toured with Diamond Dave’s solo band,  not Van Halen.  We understood that Mr. Rude joined in 2006, and in hindsight, we weren’t exactly crystal clear with that question).

tesla_fm_cover_art

Every rock band can put a skull on their album cover but Tesla puts two skeletons making out on theirs. Hot, Lesbian Skeletons.

8.  The track “In a Hole Again” on Forever More seems a departure from Tesla’s past catalog and one that should be a certifiable #1 hit on radio today and in constant hourly rotation.  Do you think that if this track had been released by some no-talent Canadian ass-clowns like Nickleback instead of Tesla that it would be the hit it deserves to be?

Well since I wrote the bulk of the music for that song, I definitely agree with you on its pure genius.  However, there will only be ONE gang of no-talent ass-clowns playing it on tour, and we’re from CALIFORNIA!!

9.  Do you have a favorite Tesla song to play live or more importantly a Tesla song that makes you want to kick Jeff Keith In the nutsack when It shows up on the set list?

Look, I’m getting tired of these bait-and-switch questions!  Just cut to the chase and ask me about Fannie Mae!  I’m sick of you E-Trade.com sharks!!

10.  Speaking of kicking people in the nuts, are you proud to be working with a band who called one of their albums Bust A Nut? Have you talked about the creative process behind this title? Was Tesla upset that Lick it Up and Slide it In where already taken?  With that theme in mind, has working with Tesla made you consider renaming your side project, the imaginatively titled “The Dave Rude Band,” to “Exploding Hairy Balls?”

Literary allusions have been popular devices since the days of Charles Dickens.  I’ve always thought of that album title as an “homage”, as it were, to the Christmas classic, “The Nutcracker”.  And though I hesitate to respond to sarcasm, I’ll admit I have been thinking about changing the name of the “Dave Rude Band”.  To “Metallica”.  Shhhh.

11.  How do you respond to the rampant Internet rumors that “Modern Day Cowboy” was the catalyst for Ronald Reagan’s foreign policy with the U.S.S.R and was responsible for ending the Cold War?

It also ended the stalemate between the American Indian tribes and the government of North Dakota.

12.  Tesla shows are typically not known for childish tomfoolery such as massive fireworks, “boobie cams”, and strippers dancing on faux stripper poles, so just what can your fans expect at a Tesla show this summer besides Brian Wheat showing up dressed like George Patton?

I’m planning to have my tech, Chris Cary, light off an M-80 firecracker at the beginning of “Love Song” just to give the crowd a surprise thrill!!  Take that, Hinder!!

funnytesla13.  Come on, admit it.  Now that you’ve been around for a few years, has it been revealed that Luccketta’s “drum” work on 2004′s Into the Now was really a Caisio synthesizer, two turntables and a microphone?

Where it’s at…

And that’s it. Well, for RUFKM’s inaugural Interview with a Rock Star:  13 Stupid Questions, we think it went swimmingly. As we are known for our less than honest pranks, fake headlines, and other shenanigans feel free to click Tesla’s brand spanking new website to verify we are indeed Not Fucking Kidding You.

Special thanks to Dave Rude and Tesla’s PR rep extraordinaire Janie for setting up the interview. Dave ended up being a great sport and showed he had a good sense of humor.  Captain Boondoggle should take notes from him.  While his answers were sometimes confusing ( Firemen?  E-trade?  Lawrence-Livermore?) at least he’s not a navel-gazing narcissist.  He also hates Hinder.  We like that.  However, his math skills (50 cents * 13 = 65 bucks?) are questionable. But we don’t mind,  and neither does his embezzling manager.

For Dave’s efforts, purchase all of Tesla’s albums from RUFKMtunes by sampling from the jukebox below .  Also make sure to see Tesla and Dave’s side project “Metallica” on tour this summer!

Tesla Website

Dave Rude Band

Comments

23 Responses to “13 Stupid Questions with TESLA”
  1. Chris K. says:

    I have been a fan since I heard the first song!! I hope we can continue to hear new music from one of the only good rock n roll bands around.

  2. seandog says:

    That was pretty dang funny! Dave is a nut!! Thanks for sharing!

  3. MavMan says:

    “The track “In a Hole Again” on Forever More seems a departure from Tesla’s past catalog and one that should be a certifiable #1 hit on radio today and in constant hourly rotation. Do you think that if this track had been released by some no-talent Canadian ass-clowns like Nickleback instead of Tesla that it would be the hit it deserves to be?”

    Wow, could have been me asking this question…and I TOTALLY agree!

  4. Teslarx says:

    Fun interview. Refreshing to not read the same responses to the same questions. Dave is a good sport for playing along.
    ________

  5. Mrstwig410 says:

    Daves a funny guy . The times I have talked to him , he seemed to laugh alot . Great sense of humor from what I can tell .

  6. TNT says:

    That was great! I lol’d many times!
    Altho, I don’t think most of the questions were very dumb.
    The answers tho… Dave, you’re awesome! Very funny dude.

  7. Mavman says:

    I don’t think anyone was asking your opinion.

    Now excuse me while I go drop a #2.

  8. Mrstwig410 says:

    It dont matter if I’m asked for it or not . I give it regardless and you all have to deal with it because I am lovable , adorable and just plain out cool .

    NOW , back to Daves sense of humor . Which I hope he brings to Jersey this coming weekend .
    _______________________________

  9. nowayoutman says:

    funny interview, shows Dave has sense of humor. I thought his answers were alot more funny/creative than the questions were. HEY TWIG–have fun @ the N.J. show–peace

  10. nopuff4me says:

    Now that was some funny shit!!!!!!!!!Dave is very funny and when standing between him and Chris it’s hard to stop laughing!!!!
    Love it!

  11. Rob Wright says:

    Shane come back, we love you!

  12. Bustanut says:

    Brian Wheat would have made for a much better interview. Dave Rude is not really even a member of Tesla and not nearly as interesting as Wheat is. Check out the Tesla site and you’ll see that he is a huge fan of George Patton.

  13. Johnny Rotting says:

    Hey Mates, came here from Australia from http://www.melodicrock.com and love the site and the interview. Can we expect to see Brian Johnson subject to the 13 Stupid Questions?

  14. RORTeslaFan says:

    I can’t believe you morons had an opportunity to interview a real rock star and you decided to ask these stupid questions. You guys have no respect for anyone and this isn’t funny.

  15. sherry says:

    This is so funny, and great to read too… Havent heard of this site before and gonna have to check it out more often… Dave is a cool dude and a big Thank You for doing this interview for your fans… We couldnt ask for more funny stuff from you but just keep up the good stuff.. Love it!!

  16. qbertnernie says:

    This interview is not truthful. I live in North Korea and I’ve never heard “Modern Day Cowboy” on the radio.

  17. Stevo says:

    Hmmmm! He was rockin’ the 80′s on Sesame Street when Tesla was rockin’ arenas and pavillions.
    Welcome to rock and roll Dave Rude (if that is your real name) nice attempt at complete mindless verbal dribble, you’re well on your way brother. Can’t wait to get my copy . And Keith is a dog lover because it is not “Just A Dog”

  18. Loose Cannon says:

    From Tesla’s home page:
    http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=31445223&blogId=486173681
    Thats hilarious, i love it ;-) ..

    Posted by Sushi Inc. on Wednesday, April 29, 2009 – 11:13 AM
    [Reply to this]
    Momma Tree

    All have to say is that was some funny ass shit right on Dave! ..Fast on your feet buddy!!!..

    Posted by Momma Tree on Wednesday, April 29, 2009 – 11:13 AM
    [Reply to this]
    JujuB

    Judean B

    great job guys, I think Dave is awesome and perfectly sarcastic. gotta luv him. this was hilarious. btw, i would be throwing shit at the “new guy” if he changed the solo on What You Give, i was heartbroken when Tommy left, but man, Dave is NOT a replacement, he is a new vision with the band, and I salute him with utmost respect for his playing, btw, it doesn’t hurt that he is sooooooo hot. thanks, Judean..

    Posted by JujuB on Wednesday, April 29, 2009 – 11:13 AM
    [Reply to this]
    Mike Zogaria

    “That’s $65 bones, bitches!!!” – haha – YOU KNOW DAVE IS GONNA HEAR THAT EVERYWHERE HE GOES NOW, DON’T YOU, HAHA..

    Posted by Mike Zogaria on Wednesday, April 29, 2009 – 11:13 AM
    [Reply to this]
    Mary

    Dave, you rule. Some of the BEST answers to some of the oddest questions ever. Thanks for the laugh during work. :) ..

    Posted by Mary on Wednesday, April 29, 2009 – 11:14 AM
    [Reply to this]
    Dennis Gabriel

    Dennis Gabriel

    Good one!..

    Posted by Dennis Gabriel on Wednesday, April 29, 2009 – 11:14 AM
    [Reply to this]
    Connie

    Pretty fucking hilarious dude! Dave Rude in my book is just what Tesla needed to mend the huge hole Mr. Skeogh left. My husband and I met Dave and the other members of Tesla in October in OKC. You couldn’t ask for more nicer down to earth guys like Jeff, Frank, Troy, Brian, and Dave. Loved the stupid q. interview tho…Rock Forever More!..

    Posted by Connie on Wednesday, April 29, 2009 – 11:14 AM
    [Reply to this]
    Debbie

    Hey, hey, hey my father retired from the Lawrence Livermore Lab, I’ll have you know! And I happen to LIKE those no-talented ass Canadian Clowns! OMFG, Rude, you crack me up! :) ..

    Posted by Debbie on Wednesday, April 29, 2009 – 11:14 AM
    [Reply to this]
    Nigel

    Classic!! Dave Rocks!!..

    Posted by Nigel on Wednesday, April 29, 2009 – 6:05 PM
    [Reply to this]
    Rosie B

    Rosie Higgins Barker

    BRILLIANCE right here : ) Thanks for the good laugh. This week has sucked dirty butt butt and this just made my day : ) ..

    Posted by Rosie B on Wednesday, April 29, 2009 – 6:05 PM
    [Reply to this]
    Avenging Angel

    Julie Marie Angel

    FOREVER MORE ROCKS!!!..

    Posted by Avenging Angel on Wednesday, April 29, 2009 – 6:06 PM
    [Reply to this]
    Dawn

    LMFAO…There’s only One Dave Rude ! ..You F**kin Rock Dave !..

    Posted by Dawn on Wednesday, April 29, 2009 – 6:06 PM
    [Reply to this]
    Amy ♥♥

    Amy Green

    OMG Dave this was so damn funny!! Good stuff!! :0) ..

    Posted by Amy ♥♥ on Wednesday, April 29, 2009 – 8:39 PM
    [Reply to this]
    K. C.

    Sweet interview, ROCKIN’ concert!..

    Posted by K. C. on Wednesday, April 29, 2009 – 8:39 PM
    [Reply to this]

  19. Hey bustanut

    This Question is for you.
    What do you call a guy who shares in the writing, business decisions, and money??

    One of the band members you idiot.

    I Tech for both Brian and Dave and I think I can say that all three of us would consider you a freakin Moron.

    Great Article Dave

    Great site I will be back to see more

  20. Thank you Chris The Tech.

    At RUFKM Worldwide, we believe that Dave Rude is a GOD. Why? Not only does he have great hair, had the audacity to name his band “The Dave Rude Band”, but most importantly he was the first person to ever answer RUFKM’s “13 Stupid Questions” (aka “the stupidest questions ever asked in the history of rock journalism”).

    He is a legend and is to be worshiped by all in the RUFKM ARMY. Rumor has it he will even be wearing a RUFKM ARMY Shirt at his next concert appearance!

    Chris The Tech is welcome back anytime, while bustanut is forever barred from enjoying the greatness of RUFKM and ‘Rude the Dude’

  21. Great video here of Tesla performing Falling Apart on WGN:

    http://www.wgntv.com/video/?autoStart=true&topVideoCatNo=default&clipId=3659776

    I think Jeff Keith almost kicks the “newscaster” in the balls when he asks about Tesla’s newest album “Comin Atcha Live”. And people say that RUFKM lacks journalistic integrity.

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