RUFKM senses world Nookie crisis, reunites Limp Bizkit

Where has the great, all knowing, positively spectacular, monkey-hating, mocker of all things, ruggedly handsome, cunningly charming, refreshingly hubris lacking Captain Boondoggle been? Rehab? No. Solving the pet monkey crisis? Not yet. Resurrecting my childhood acting career? No. Better than all those things, plus a few you haven’t yet thought of, combined. I, the Glorious [...]

Aerosmith records new album for 2009, classic album Pump reviewed

Aerosmith is now back in the studio, recording a new album for release near the end of 2009 and going on tour. They are recording with Brendan O’Brien (AC/DC, Stone Temple Pilots, Pearl Jam) and Joe Perry mentions that they are “going back to their roots” which is industry code for “we realize our last [...]

Obama’s $800 Billion Dollar Boondoggle

I have a recurring nightmare that I must share with the world.  I’m at an exclusive underground sex-fest that I snuck into (with a secret code) much like the last few minutes of Eyes Wide Shut.  Just like “OT- VII level” Scientologist Tom Cruise, I’m roaming the halls with my sweet Lone Ranger mask scoping endless [...]

Sharks in Venice: Steve Baldwin’s best work!

    By TylerDFC I love me a bad shark movie. Something about the sheer ineptitude in all aspects of the production that the filmmakers bring to the genre makes them a true treat for bad film aficionados. Don’t get me wrong, most Direct-To-Video (henceforth called DTV) flicks make the worst episode of Xena-Warrior Princess look [...]

RUFKM T-Shirt confirmed to enhance milk bombs, save lives

Since the inception of RUFKM, Inc. we have reached numerous milestones in our relentless quest for glory. Throughout this time we have been sued by Satan’s own church, unmercifully antagonized professional ass-clown Matt Damon, and infiltrated Wikipedia to great success. However glorious these events and endeavors may seem, we have always been in it for [...]

The Origin Of Obama

Everyone loves an origin story.  Spiderman, The Hulk etc., comic books and superhero movies are famous for them. Here’s another one: David Plouffe is being the best political campaign manager EVER and the proof is that Obama is able to take a huge daily dump in the White House bathroom. David is  the dude pictured to [...]

Will the Real Bret Michaels Please Stand Up?

I love 80’s concerts. Not for the $10 beers, aging rockers or even the music, but for providing the opportunity to observe, in a relatively safe setting, some of mankind’s more unusual examples of tomfoolery. The S.S. Boondoggle embarked on another such voyage a few weeks back and all aboard were more than satisfied of [...]

RUFKM Porn: I only sleep with Democrats

This is a story from one of our freelance contributors named “SonnyGirl.”  She is known for her obsession with vampires, insane political views, and wardrobe malfunctions at weddings.  Here’s a tale from who we affectionately call “Tits Mcghee.” I Only Sleep with Democrats … again. Republicans shouldn’t be allowed to have sex. Case in point, [...]

Dr. Feelgood’s Bar & Swill

Cannon and Boondoggle walk into a bar. Not just any bar, but the fabled and much hyped Vince Neil owned and sponsored “Dr. Feelgood’s Bar & Grill” in West Palm Beach, FL (www.drfeelgoodsbar.com). A quick puddle-jump in the RUFKM Corporate jet brought Captain Boondoggle to take in the sights and sounds with Cannon of the [...]

Men Are From Mars

Today at the gym with over 285 pounds of cold hard steel delicately perched above my chest, I had a brief, almost fleeting, moment of clarity and horrific self-awareness.  One of those singular life-changing moments in your life in which you are forced to question your own mental sanity and ask yourself “Am I F—ing [...]

Oscar confirmed to be an F—ing idiot

Holy Kung-Fu Panda shit, where to start? Well, let’s just get this out of the way first. This will be the lowest rated Oscar telecast EVER. You heard it here people and if I’m wrong I owe you a nickel. Proving once again that the members of the Academy of Motion Picture Wankery are complete [...]

Jesus, Bellydancers, and my brother’s first boner

With every generation, there are pivotal moments in history that make you remember exactly where you were.  The JFK assassination, Challenger exploding, and 9/11.  For me, it was the day that my younger brother popped wood for the first time.  This is easy for me to recall because, unfortunately,  I was sitting right next to him [...]

Hot Garbage

When you glance at the picture to your right, the first thing that instinctively pops in you mind is that this man needs FREEDOM! This is true but what this man really needs is a shower. Let me explain: In modern times, we all have a morning ritual that involves a multitude of products for [...]

How to get FREE Starbucks!

These are tough economic times.  Everyday you hear about how many billions of dollars are spent but, just like everyone, you’re thinking:  Where’s my personal bail out? Well, RUFKM has you covered.  The “Latte Factor” has hit Americans hard and they have cut out such luxuries like Starbucks out of their budget.  Not the editors [...]