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RUFKMWestboro Church Sues RUFKM
December 9, 2008 by captainboondoggle
Filed under Captain Boondoggle, Westboro Church
Stumble It!
AP NEWSWIRE: Due to the devious legal machinations and apparent obliviousness to irony by the Westboro Baptist Church, RUFKM has been advised by our pro-bono(er) ACLU top notch legal team (e.g. some recent second-rate law-school grade that rumor has it passed his bar exam after the eighth try) we have been advised to accept a legal settlement that has been tendered by the WBC.
As a result of our limited financial means (buy a f’n t-shirt) that is further confounded by our short attention spans we have, after great consternation, agreed to accept this settlement offer to avoid further legal recriminations against RUFKM, it’s proprietors, and associated affiliates.
The settlement is fairly straightforward, but since we have had numerous questions directed to us on this subject, we would like to provide some clarity for our loyal fans.
As stated within Section III, “RUFKM Activities of Concern to be Suspended or Resolved”, of this agreement:
The following actions and activities by www.rufkm.net
i. Calls for harassment or physical harm of the Westboro Baptist Church (“WBC”), Reverend Fred Phelps (“Complainant”) or other members of WBC including subject Internet posts at RUFKM as detailed in Appendix B.
ii. Subject comments deemed libelous or otherwise slanderous and materially harmful to WBC as detailed in Appendix C.
iii. All activities within the public domain detailing specific email or USPS letter writing campaigns to the WBC as detailed within Appendix A.
However, I am fearful that our readers may not fully comprehend the legal jargon contained within this settlement agreement so I will provide some additional insight into your personal responsibilities under this settlement:
1. You should not copy and repost any of the arguably brilliant, but wrong, series of posts related to WBC including this one and this one and especially not this one on any other site because that would be wrong. They will be removed “post-haste” as soon as our IT department determines how to remove posts post haste.
2. Accusing Reverend Phelps of incest, intolerance or sending inappropriate material to their site or to 3701 SW 12th Street, Topeka, KS 66604, including your own feces, gay pornos, summer sausage(s) and slightly used condoms, albeit amusing, will not be tolerated and is not endorsed by RUFKM.
Thank you for your prompt attention and consideration to this matter.
For those of you that are fearful that we will be disbanding Heteros for Homos, fear not as we will continue our fight against intolerance against another ridiculous subject.
The subject: Heteros that Vote For Proposition 8.
That’s right, our new slogan and rallying call is “Proposition 8, Not If You’re Straight!”
We are advocating that all Heteros not be allowed to vote for on state amendments that ban or otherwise prohibit gay marriage. After exhausting research we have determined that Heteros should not have this right, as the only conceivable reason that anyone would vote against gay marriage would be as follows:
1. They are hetero and believe that voting to allow gay marriage means that they will be forced to enter into a gay marriage.
2. They are homo and don’t want to be married to their life-partner.
Well we can’t do much about the latter; we can do something about the former in such that everyone that does not pass a gay quiz (as assembled by our Homos for Heteros for Homos chapter of H4H) will not be able to vote for subject propositions.
This is because we believe that it is an inalienable right of every citizen of the world to be subject to incessant calls to take out the garbage, asked daily what they are thinking about, and be asked
repeatedly for the rest of their natural existence “Do you still love me?”
Join us today, but just make sure you leave the WBC alone.
P.S. Please do not throw giant dildos at WBC demonstrators while wearing this shirt:
Captian: I promise I won’t throw my dildos at the WBC – How about flaming bags of dog shit? Am I still allowed to do that?
This series of articles is gayer than the front row at a Clay Aiken concert.
I take that back.
This series of articles is gayer than the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
Sorry, I stole that one from 30 Rock.
This series of articles is gayer than an polo shirt at Abercrobie & Fitch. What sizing chart do they use? Baby Gap?
Sorry, Dark Lord. They fit you well.
Are you really getting sued by the WBC?
You’re our hero now. Not kidding. You’re actually giving us a boner.
xox
WAM
Technically we are no longer getting sued as we’ve agreed to the terms of the “settlement”.Who would of thought these nuts would be a bunch of lawyers!
Either way, we will not rest until gay marriage is legal in all 50 states so TylerDFC can finally be free to be himself.
And by “Free to be himself” he means “fighting off the advances (violently) of Captain Horndoggle and Loose (Ass) Cannon.