TylerDFC’s Best Music of 2008 (Vol 2)

Being one of the more eclectic music fans on RUFKM tends to put me at odds with the rest of the writers. For instance, I bought Metallica’s Death Magnetic and after giving it a good week of dedicated play I have never gone back to it. The production sucks, the songs meander all over the [...]

A Christmas Story: Year of the Ferret (Part 3)

(Editors Note: Read Year of the Ferret Part 1 and 2 or you will be confused, angry, and sad. More than usual.) Whenever you are withdrawing money from an ATM or making a purchase at three in the morning, it is never for anything good.* The cash usually goes directly towards: Drugs/Alcohol Strippers/Whores Bail/Bribe Money [...]

RUFKM Scientifically Proven to be Wise Asses!

That’s right, bitches! According to the scientific blog analysis site as listed above, RUFKM.NET has achieved a reading level of COLLEGE (POST-GRAD)! And it’s all a result of the mastery of the English language that your Lyrical Maestro Boondoggle provides to you free of charge. As stated in our mission statement, we take our tomfoolery [...]

TylerDFC’s Favorite Songs of 2008 (according to his iTunes)

Like most of the writers on RUFKM I am a pretty big music freak and this is my Best of 2008 Music list. Before you all go running for the hills I’m happy to say it’s not quite what you think. Of course, when has anything at RUFKM been normal? No, we (meaning I) are [...]

A Christmas Story: Year of the Ferret (part 2)

It is said that love conquers all …. but that’s complete bullshit. Fear not only conquers love but then hits it with a tire iron, drags it a dark alley, performs sodomy in the 1st degree, douses it with gasoline, lights a match, and walks away. Always bet on fear. And this was the overwhelming [...]

Clowns to the Left of Me, Molesters to the Right

Ever wonder about what hijinks your obnoxious neighbor is up to? It’s bad enough simply trying to avoid them on a daily basis, but being subject to their inane questions is almost to much to handle. A brief summary of some of the more ridiculous questions I’ve been exposed to recently: “Is it hot enough [...]

RUFKM Headline: Illinois Governor Loves To Say “Fuck”

The following is an unedited version of some choice quotes from the Illinois governor who thought Obama’s vacant Senate seat made him a game show host on “Let’s Make a Deal!” It also shows that when you try to pull off a scam of epic proportions you should maybe not call from your office and [...]

Westboro Church Sues RUFKM

Stumble It! To understand why A CHURCH HAS SUED RUFKM, it is advised to check out our epic battle vs. Westboro at HOMO: The Beginning and HOMO : This Means War. These are the (so-called) Baptist wackos behind the God hates Fags campaign whose leader, Fred Phelps, regularly shows up at soldiers funerals wearing a [...]

Into Thin Air: The Boondoggle Expedition Company

One of the great fringe benefits of having a career in which you get to fly over 100,000 miles per year, mostly international, other than being stuck in a seat by the assorted incessantly talking wacko for a twelve hour flight to China, is that you get to read a lot. When I say a [...]

Sex, Doctors, and Elevator Music

I have an important announcement! I’ve decided that I am going to attend medical school. Not because I want to save lives, charge $10,000 per tit, or even cure certain types of foot fungus. Nope. I want my M.D. for one reason: To have a God complex. I want to have an ego so large [...]

NetFlix Hijinx: Lars And The Real Bore

There are times when you are forced to peer into the murks of an unknown abyss and stare your greatest fears directly in the face. Lately, I do this everytime I open my mailbox.   Why, you ask? Paternity suits? Hate mail from Matt Damon? The Dark Lord sending pictures of his ballsack? Wrong. The [...]

Metallica and McDonalds! Together at last!

This has to be the greatest video ever. Metallica has just partnered with McDonalds, a psychotic stuffed bear with 17 foot arms, about 1,000 of their dancing friends, and a birthday that has simply gone wrong! They sent this new video for the last track of Death Magnetic called My Apocalypse to the RUFKM headquarters [...]

Bush Avoids Approval Ratings, Shoes

  Say what you want about Bush but this man avoids Adidas in Iraq like Keanu Reeves evaded bullets in the Matrix. With a grin on his face, this amazing creature can also determine the exact size of footwear headed directly at his cranium at 50 MPH. After avoiding two loafer-style missiles, Bush stated “This [...]