An Ode to Our Fallen Knights of Lactase

Ah…The milkman. A man that delivered milk to your house… as a job…that he got paid for. What kind of world was it to live in that didn’t include a fully stocked supermarket loaded with every manner of dairy product known to civilized man? My lord, can you imagine? The horror of going without my daily carafe of milk, or pint of sour cream.

Can’t we just elect Tina Fey instead?

For anyone that missed Saturday Night Live this week (and I’m guessing that includes everyone not currently bed-ridden) Tina Fey reprised her role as The Snow MILF (AKA: Governor Sarah Palin). The results are equal parts hilarious and horrifying. I’m TylerDFC and I approve this hyperlinked message. In addition, for just as much fun, watch [...]

RUFKM 10-Question Celebrity Interview – Professor Cannon

In the beginning, there were no rock stars to ask 13 stupid questions…. but there was a world renown organic chemist from Purdue: Loose Cannon’s Dad.

Black Water Rising

After a recent review of Switzerland’s Pure Inc., we’ve received a tremendous amount of emails calling us traitors, Swiss-loving chocolate eaters and uniformed about ROCK in the U.S. Black Water Rising proves that real rock is not dead.

The Day I lived a Cliche

“Kill two birds with one stone” “Think outside the box” “The straw that broke the camel’s back” Ah, cliches. You can hardly make it through a day without hearing a few. My fiance uses them all the time. When she meets people she should ask  “Do you speak Cliche?” It’s pretty much her second language. [...]

Know Thy Boondoggle

Not since Ron Burgundy has there been there been someone that perfects the art of being egotistical and completely unaware: Captain Boondoggle. He’s funny 60% of the time, all the time. In this exclusive interview, he reveals his softer, more sensual side.

RUFKM Worldwide Inc. Refuses Award, Creates It’s Own

(The following is a Boondoggle/Cannon/TylerDFC production. In other words, it took three monkeys to write this post. Also, click on the “listen now” button for maximum comedic effect. Enjoy!) Ahh …. memories. It seems like just yesterday the writers of RUFKM were merely writing stories about assorted tomfoolery for our own delight and, under some [...]

Yes, I pulled the f—ing handle!

Earlier this week I awoke and went about my daily routine . I get up ridiculously early so my daily routine consists of brushing my teeth and trying not to fall asleep in the shower. Then I dress and head downstairs in pitch blackness with the stealth of a ninja at 5am so as not [...]

Bob Rock Remixes Metallica’s Death Magnetic

(Quick Advertisement: RUFKM has signed an exclusive agreement with Amazon.com that gives our fans free Express 2 -Day shipping on anything you order! Look at the ad on your left for more details. Get what you want – Fast!) While RUFKM cannot confirm this is actually Bob Rock, whoever did the above remix of “Broken, [...]

HFH3: Boondoggle Bites Back

As many of you already know, due to a recent exquisite series of posts Heteros for Homos: Part 1, and Part 2, and questioning the mental capacity of the Westboro Baptist Church, we have been threatened with legal action by said group of rabid chimpanzees. In a remarkable sign of humility coupled with a bad [...]

Metallica Releases Defective Death Magnetic: Are You F—ing Kidding Me???

The following article is cut and pasted from www.blog.wired.com and defines the phrase “Are You F—ing Kidding Me?.” To summarize, one of the world’s biggest selling bands has released a defective CD of epic proportions. If you have purchased this album, please sign this petition. http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/re-mix-or-remaster-death-magnetic.html It says that 2700 people have already done so [...]

Heteros for Homos: Attack of the Homophobes

Today is a great day. No, make that a grand day. Quite possibly the best day of my life. We’ve received hundreds of emails at rufkme@gmail over the past several months but none greater than the one we received today from the Westboro Baptist Church in response to a recent post and our call to [...]

Matt Damon: Political Analyst of the Gods

I just can’t take it anymore. I’ve tried not to engage in frivolous conversations about the upcoming presidential election, but I’ve reached my breaking point. This particularly dull point is Matt Damon. I have, luckily, been able to avoid all things Damon for quite some time now, but recently he has taken up political punditry [...]

Bike Shorts AKA “Heck’s Angels”

I’ve been, with some obvious trepidation and annoyance, observing a curious phenomenon in the suburbs of late. It is the rise of the “biker gang”. No, I’m not talking of the biker gangs from the 70’s like the Hell’s Angels or their likeminded ilk cruising the boulevards to the glorious roar of their V-Twins amplified [...]

Metallica’s New Album “Death Magnetic”

Ahh. Metallica. I probably scribbled their logo during high school boredom somewhere between 10-20 million times. Entire forests have fallen as a result of my ADD doodling. I especially liked adding a 3-D effect with my bad-ass shading technique. The first Metallica album I heard was a dubbed 90 minute Maxell Gold II tape of [...]

RUFKM Quiz: What’s green, smells bad, and will KILL YOU?

I’m about to do something here on RUFKM that has never been done before. An occasion so momentous, so stupefying in its’ audacity, that this website will be shaken to the very foundation! What is this landmark event you ask? I, TylerDFC, the power behind the RUFKM throne will finally FINISH A STORY. I know, [...]

Heteros for Homos- RUFKM Vs. The Westboro Baptist Church

RUFKM needs a cause.Fortunately for our RUFKM ARMY cadets, while Cannon harasses our fans on Facebook, TylerDFC performs obscure historical research on the Gulf of Tonkin incident for his next post, and The Dark Lord is doing, well, we’re not quite sure, your esteemed Captain is out doing the important stuff for you. All important [...]

Walgreens of the Dead

I realize that I’ve previously posted about my hatred of checkout lines but I just had yet another experience at lunch that prompted another round. Just like movies and television, when you have a source of good material you create a sequel. Actually, the material doesn’t even have to be that good-it just needs to [...]

Houston, we have a problem: E.T. is not an idiot

Great, here we go again. Another wacko coming out and proclaiming that aliens are invading the earth and randomly performing anal probing on unsuspecting humans, eviscerating livestock and creating magical designs in our corn fields. But wait, this isn’t any wacko but former astronaut but former Apollo 14 crewmember and one of only 17 people [...]

Attack of the Snow MILF! Battle of the Bands! AKA Decision 2008

See more Gina Gershon videos at Funny or Die I have been toying with several ways to write this. I’ve gone so far as to write a page and a half dedicated to the precarious position that we find ourselves in and sprinkled it with witty bon mots and impotent rage aimed at a system [...]